When you do something you never do

BeyondShy · Dec 18, 2015

Have you ever got to the point where you do things so out of the ordinary that when it is all over you are surprised that you did it?

Well, that's what happened to me last evening.

I went to a place near where I live called Down to Earth. This is a store that sells organic foods and other stuff that is good for you. Basically it is just a grocery store and that's where I do a lot of my shopping.

When I was all done I had less than twenty items in my cart. They have a few check-out lines for people who don't have a lot of stuff so I got in line there and waited my turn. Pretty soon I noticed that someone was behind me, a kid who looked like he had to be seventeen or eighteen years old. He only had two items with him so I decided to do the nice thing and I said to him since you only have those things you can go ahead of me. Strangers have done this same thing to me in the past and I would always thank them for it. This was my way of returning a favor that was done for me to another person.

So, this kid with his two items walks ahead of me and puts his stuff on the conveyor belt and says nothing. Doesn't even turn around to say thank you.

Usually a transaction like that takes less than a minute but right before this kid got his stuff rung up another employee (who must have been some kind of supervisor) came up to the cashier and asked her a few questions. The questions did not take long but it was long enough for me to start thinking about what he did -or I should say did not do. And I got madder and madder. As soon as the other employee walked away she went right back to work. I got her attention because she saw what I did by letting this person go ahead of me. I told her don't you even attempt to ring this guy's order ahead of mine. Then I picked up his two things and put them behind mine. I told him if you don't know how to say thank you or even acknowledge what I did then you get right behind me where you belong.

His response? "Yeah, whatever." Now I know I didn't do anything major for someone but a thank you goes a long way. At least for me. This has happened to me before and I didn't like it but I never said anything. I don't know why yesterday was different for me. I wish I could explain why I did what I did. Maybe you get to a point when you say enough is enough. Again, I don't know.

Maybe 'surprised' isn't the right word for this. I probably should have said shocked. I'm sure something like this has happened to many of you because there are a lot of people like this. Maybe you handled it better then I did.

Thanks for reading.

kamya · Dec 18, 2015

Bravo. He didn't deserve any favors with that attitude.

I havnt had to deal with someone like that. I'm from the Midwest though. I hear people are more polite in this area.

SofiasMami · Dec 18, 2015

That's the problem with acts of kindness - sometimes people don't appreciate it or are even rude instead of thankful. I wouldn't let it get you down though. The worst thing that could happen is that you think twice next time about offering someone to go ahead of you when they have only two items in the checkout line.
Who knows why the guy said nothing or barely even acknowledged your presence. Maybe he just found out his grandpa died. Maybe his dad just whupped his ass and threw him out of the house. Or maybe he's just a jerk who doesn't know any better.
Like I said, though, don't let it get you down.

-Teresa

AmytheTemperamental · Dec 18, 2015

I have almost zero expectations from people that get random acts of kindness from me. I do the nice thing, and then I let my mind go somewhere else. No thank you is required, because I already feel good for doing the nice thing.

Sci-Fi · Dec 18, 2015

Kind of experienced that but it could be the kid is just the shy quiet type who isn't used to such kindness from strangers, especially teenagers. They are sometimes treated poorly because they are teenagers. Teenagers seem to react more to negativity towards them than kindness. Me I don't like being singled out like that from people, it embarrasses me and I feel like I'm put on the spot. That's why I try not to make eye contact with people in lines so there is no conversation. Could be the same thing with this kid.

Personally I would have just let it go and make note not to do it again.

red guy · Dec 18, 2015

If you do a gesture of kindness you do not expect anything in return.
You got pissed of 'cause a teenager didn't say thanks? Well.....

BreakingtheGirl · Dec 18, 2015

I totally understand how you felt thinking about it & getting more and more mad. I have a habit of always opening the door for people (family, friends, strangers, even boyfriends lol) and get mixed results. Some say thank you, others just go right in and ignore me. Many times, I'd open the door for one person, then a stream of people start going in not even acknowledging I'm holding it open. Basically treating me like I'm a store greeter/doorman and that makes me mad. I get more upset if it's a man who doesn't say thanks, mainly because that's the only chivalrous act I'd expect from any man but chivalry has been dead for a while. When they do hold the door open for me, I'm overly gracious, flash a big smile, and thank them so maybe they continue that chivalry act with others. Sometimes I just don't think about how rude the people were because I think I'm doing a nice gesture & other times I'm pissed, but maybe it depends on my mood that day.

Good that you voiced how you were feeling. Keep being thoughtful, in the hopes that it will make one person's day & they do the same courtesy for others as well.

BeyondShy · Dec 19, 2015

kamya said:
Bravo. He didn't deserve any favors with that attitude.

No he didn't. And I am not even sure if I would do the same thing if this ever happened again.

SofiasMami said:
That's the problem with acts of kindness - sometimes people don't appreciate it or are even rude instead of thankful. I wouldn't let it get you down though. The worst thing that could happen is that you think twice next time about offering someone to go ahead of you when they have only two items in the checkout line.
Who knows why the guy said nothing or barely even acknowledged your presence. Maybe he just found out his grandpa died. Maybe his dad just whupped his ass and threw him out of the house. Or maybe he's just a jerk who doesn't know any better.
Like I said, though, don't let it get you down.

-Teresa

I can't argue with anything you said here. It didn't really get me down though, I just was upset about what he did. I didn't think about it again until this afternoon when I was writing the thread.

The trouble is after reading about the possible scenarios that you brought up as to why he didn't say anything it makes me wonder if I did the right thing.

AmytheTemperamental said:
I have almost zero expectations from people that get random acts of kindness from me. I do the nice thing, and then I let my mind go somewhere else. No thank you is required, because I already feel good for doing the nice thing.

It makes my day when I get a thank you and a smile from a woman because I don't talk much to people anyway.

Let's say you see someone slip and fall on the ice this winter. You go over and help them up and ask them if they are ok. They don't say anything. All they do is brush the snow off their coat and keep walking. How would you feel? Again, a thank you is not required here but if you have common courtesy you would not hesitate to say it.

Sci-Fi said:
Kind of experienced that but it could be the kid is just the shy quiet type who isn't used to such kindness from strangers, especially teenagers. They are sometimes treated poorly because they are teenagers. Teenagers seem to react more to negativity towards them than kindness. Me I don't like being singled out like that from people, it embarrasses me and I feel like I'm put on the spot. That's why I try not to make eye contact with people in lines so there is no conversation. Could be the same thing with this kid.

Personally I would have just let it go and make note not to do it again.

I considered this after reading some of the replies in this thread. I don't pretend to know anything about the kid except that he walked past me in line without looking at me and didn't say thank you.

It's in the past for me now and if I get in the same position again I may or may not do what I did yesterday.

red guy said:
If you do a gesture of kindness you do not expect anything in return.
You got pissed of 'cause a teenager didn't say thanks? Well.....

Well what? I got pissed because the kid acted like I owed it to him by not acknowledging me or saying thanks.

BreakingtheGirl said:
Sometimes I just don't think about how rude the people were because I think I'm doing a nice gesture & other times I'm pissed, but maybe it depends on my mood that day.

I think this is what happened to me. This isn't the first time someone has done this to me and the other times I never said anything but it bothered me for awhile afterwords. Yesterday was different. I wasn't taking anything from anyone yesterday afternoon.

ThatZealousOne · Dec 19, 2015

It's just simple politeness at the end of the day. Always say thanks when someone does something nice, even if it's small. It's one of those things that should just happen. It shouldn't have to be expected from people, they should just say thanks. Heh.

This is why I don't give anyone a free pass, or do favours for strangers.

AmytheTemperamental · Dec 19, 2015

BeyondShy said:
It makes my day when I get a thank you and a smile from a woman because I don't talk much to people anyway.

Let's say you see someone slip and fall on the ice this winter. You go over and help them up and ask them if they are ok. They don't say anything. All they do is brush the snow off their coat and keep walking. How would you feel? Again, a thank you is not required here but if you have common courtesy you would not hesitate to say it.

I would feel nothing about it. Because they are probably grouchy, or embarrassed that they fell. I am not saying that it's not common courtesy. I am saying I don't take it personally, because I already feel good enough about myself for putting myself out there to help.

Of course, you are talking to the woman who had a husband that didn't notice the stuff I did for him. So maybe I just learned a lot from that

Triple Bogey · Dec 19, 2015

BeyondShy said:
Have you ever got to the point where you do things so out of the ordinary that when it is all over you are surprised that you did it?

Well, that's what happened to me last evening.

I went to a place near where I live called Down to Earth. This is a store that sells organic foods and other stuff that is good for you. Basically it is just a grocery store and that's where I do a lot of my shopping.

When I was all done I had less than twenty items in my cart. They have a few check-out lines for people who don't have a lot of stuff so I got in line there and waited my turn. Pretty soon I noticed that someone was behind me, a kid who looked like he had to be seventeen or eighteen years old. He only had two items with him so I decided to do the nice thing and I said to him since you only have those things you can go ahead of me. Strangers have done this same thing to me in the past and I would always thank them for it. This was my way of returning a favor that was done for me to another person.

So, this kid with his two items walks ahead of me and puts his stuff on the conveyor belt and says nothing. Doesn't even turn around to say thank you.

Usually a transaction like that takes less than a minute but right before this kid got his stuff rung up another employee (who must have been some kind of supervisor) came up to the cashier and asked her a few questions. The questions did not take long but it was long enough for me to start thinking about what he did -or I should say did not do. And I got madder and madder. As soon as the other employee walked away she went right back to work. I got her attention because she saw what I did by letting this person go ahead of me. I told her don't you even attempt to ring this guy's order ahead of mine. Then I picked up his two things and put them behind mine. I told him if you don't know how to say thank you or even acknowledge what I did then you get right behind me where you belong.

His response? "Yeah, whatever." Now I know I didn't do anything major for someone but a thank you goes a long way. At least for me. This has happened to me before and I didn't like it but I never said anything. I don't know why yesterday was different for me. I wish I could explain why I did what I did. Maybe you get to a point when you say enough is enough. Again, I don't know.

Maybe 'surprised' isn't the right word for this. I probably should have said shocked. I'm sure something like this has happened to many of you because there are a lot of people like this. Maybe you handled it better then I did.

Thanks for reading.

You did the right thing. Saying 'thank you' takes no effort at all.
I see situations like that all the time at my work and people say 'thanks' every single time.

BeyondShy · Dec 19, 2015

AmytheTemperamental said:
Of course, you are talking to the woman who had a husband that didn't notice the stuff I did for him. So maybe I just learned a lot from that

This makes sense. If you get accustomed to people not thanking you then you get used to it.

Triple Bogey said:
You did the right thing. Saying 'thank you' takes no effort at all.
I see situations like that all the time at my work and people say 'thanks' every single time.

Thanks. And you're right, saying thank you takes no effort at all. It's one of the many things I took away with me from Catholic school.

Triple Bogey · Dec 19, 2015

BeyondShy said:
AmytheTemperamental said:

Of course, you are talking to the woman who had a husband that didn't notice the stuff I did for him. So maybe I just learned a lot from that

Click to expand...

This makes sense. If you get accustomed to people not thanking you then you get used to it.

Triple Bogey said:

You did the right thing. Saying 'thank you' takes no effort at all.
I see situations like that all the time at my work and people say 'thanks' every single time.

Click to expand...

Thanks. And you're right, saying thank you takes no effort at all. It's one of the many things I took away with me from Catholic school.

It's like when I serve somebody at work and the customer doesn't say 'thanks' or 'thank you'. I am paid to be polite to customers but when they go I usually think 'arsehole' - no excuse whatsoever for not saying please and thank you. But it happens very rarely, 0.1% something like that.

AmytheTemperamental said:
I have almost zero expectations from people that get random acts of kindness from me. I do the nice thing, and then I let my mind go somewhere else. No thank you is required, because I already feel good for doing the nice thing.

I don't think that's the best attitude to take !
You are better than that. You deserve a thanks as much as the next person. It's simple manners. I see where you are coming from but why shouldn't you get kindness back ?

BreakingtheGirl said:
I totally understand how you felt thinking about it & getting more and more mad. I have a habit of always opening the door for people (family, friends, strangers, even boyfriends lol) and get mixed results. Some say thank you, others just go right in and ignore me. Many times, I'd open the door for one person, then a stream of people start going in not even acknowledging I'm holding it open. Basically treating me like I'm a store greeter/doorman and that makes me mad. I get more upset if it's a man who doesn't say thanks, mainly because that's the only chivalrous act I'd expect from any man but chivalry has been dead for a while. When they do hold the door open for me, I'm overly gracious, flash a big smile, and thank them so maybe they continue that chivalry act with others. Sometimes I just don't think about how rude the people were because I think I'm doing a nice gesture & other times I'm pissed, but maybe it depends on my mood that day.

Good that you voiced how you were feeling. Keep being thoughtful, in the hopes that it will make one person's day & they do the same courtesy for others as well.

Some people are just rude !

I would say 'thanks' if you held a door for me !
I say 'thank you' in every situation whatever it is.

TheRealCallie · Dec 19, 2015

When you do things expecting something in return, even something as small as a thank you, are you really that much better than the person not thanking you? You said that he acted like you OWED it to him to let him in front of you, but that's not really any different than you acting like HE OWES YOU a thank you, is it?

It sounds like if you knew he wasn't going to say thank you, you wouldn't have done it. If it will make you feel good for doing something for someone else, even as small as letting them ahead of you in line, do it, regardless of whether or not they say thank you.

As others have said, maybe he was going through something and was too sad to utter even a thank you, or maybe he mumbled it and you didn't hear it.

AmytheTemperamental · Dec 19, 2015

Triple Bogey said:
I don't think that's the best attitude to take !
You are better than that. You deserve a thanks as much as the next person. It's simple manners. I see where you are coming from but why shouldn't you get kindness back ?

No. I am sure that I have done stuff where I don't feel I deserve kindness from people. But I have been blessed with it anyways. So if I have the ability to give someone else a bit of my kindness, which has become a daily thing for me at this point, then I take my happiness from just having that ability.

BeyondShy · Dec 19, 2015

TheRealCallie said:
When you do things expecting something in return, even something as small as a thank you, are you really that much better than the person not thanking you? You said that he acted like you OWED it to him to let him in front of you, but that's not really any different than you acting like HE OWES YOU a thank you, is it?

It's a common courtesy thing. We all deserve it. You do, I do, we all do. This is one of the few things I have no trouble saying to anyone.

TheRealCallie said:
It sounds like if you knew he wasn't going to say thank you, you wouldn't have done it. If it will make you feel good for doing something for someone else, even as small as letting them ahead of you in line, do it, regardless of whether or not they say thank you.

**** it all, you're right!!

I had to think about this for a second and I have to admit that's what I would have done. I'm not saying that everyone would do this but for me? Yes. If I had somehow knew for a fact that if I let him ahead of me in the line and he wasn't going to say thank you or nod his head or give me the 'shaka' (hang loose) sign I would not have let him jump ahead of me in line.

To me it is just showing respect by giving some kind of acknowledgement.

I am getting the feeling that maybe I handled it wrong.

TheRealCallie said:
As others have said, maybe he was going through something and was too sad to utter even a thank you, or maybe he mumbled it and you didn't hear it.

As for the mumbling part that didn't happen. But I will concede the point that others have said that maybe he was going through something and was preoccupied because of that.

What started out as me being proud of myself for standing up for something now has me wondering if I did the right thing.

AmytheTemperamental · Dec 19, 2015

BeyondShy said:
What started out as me being proud of myself for standing up for something now has me wondering if I did the right thing.

Can't you find pride within the kind gesture? You will have your repayment. Trust me.

user 115627 · Dec 20, 2015

Either way is just to me. The kid couldn't muster up a Thank You for whatever reason and it's your right to be pissed about it and you stood up for that which is a good thing. If you had let him stay ahead of you even though he didn't reply, it would've been one of many unappreciated kind gestures millions of people grant upon each other daily and you could've felt good about simply being kind. Fair enough too.

Or before putting him back in his place, you could've tried to force his hand by saying: "You see, kid...in these situations it's common courtesy to say thanks or at least nod in appreciation of the gesture. So how about it...you ungrateful brat?"

The last part is optional.

Triple Bogey · Dec 20, 2015

TheRealCallie said:
When you do things expecting something in return, even something as small as a thank you, are you really that much better than the person not thanking you? You said that he acted like you OWED it to him to let him in front of you, but that's not really any different than you acting like HE OWES YOU a thank you, is it?

It sounds like if you knew he wasn't going to say thank you, you wouldn't have done it. If it will make you feel good for doing something for someone else, even as small as letting them ahead of you in line, do it, regardless of whether or not they say thank you.

As others have said, maybe he was going through something and was too sad to utter even a thank you, or maybe he mumbled it and you didn't hear it.

it's called having good manners.
Maybe you should read up on the subject.

AmytheTemperamental said:
Triple Bogey said:

I don't think that's the best attitude to take !
You are better than that. You deserve a thanks as much as the next person. It's simple manners. I see where you are coming from but why shouldn't you get kindness back ?

Click to expand...

No. I am sure that I have done stuff where I don't feel I deserve kindness from people. But I have been blessed with it anyways. So if I have the ability to give someone else a bit of my kindness, which has become a daily thing for me at this point, then I take my happiness from just having that ability.

If it makes you happy then continue but you don't want to become a doormat, somebody who just takes honeysuckle from people and accepts it.

AmytheTemperamental · Dec 20, 2015

Triple Bogey said:
If it makes you happy then continue but you don't want to become a doormat, somebody who just takes honeysuckle from people and accepts it.

Other people can't make me a doormat. Especially not random strangers who don't say thank you.

When you do something you never do

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