Suicidal thoughts roaming my mind.

I am 21 year old guy from Eastern Europe, and I came to the point where I feel so lost and hopeless. I am disappointed in everything that life has to offer. I abandoned my goal of becoming as fit as possible and i have quit the gym after 2.5 years of going nearly everyday, partially it was economic problem but mostly it was just me being too depressed to leave my house. I used to have a job at one restaurant and it made me realize how disgusting people can be. Amount of trash talking, jealousy, no respect and insults towards everyone just to show they are dominant this basically made me wanna throw up... I am awkward to the core of my being and I get depressed a lot, but what makes me suicidal is that I didn't achieve much in the battle with depression. I don't find talking with therapists helpful at all and i doubt anything you can reply to this text could help me but I will try my best to try to use your advice. People see me as a weirdo and many people judge me because i have lip piercing for some time now. It was so long since i had a girlfriend and to be honest I can't even make friends not to mention to have relationships. I am so suicidal I feel like I should just get some balls and die from medicine overdose and finish this honeysuckle. It's 5:45 am here and I can't sleep from depression please give me some hints. Worst of all most people I talked to about my problems don't get me seriously. I was part of this forum since i was nearly 16 on different accounts and I never had balls and I was always in fear to post my picture here i think now it's time. And by the way how do I get myself back on the track step by step?

It's just after midnight here. Anyway, it takes a lot of balls to open up and talk about your problems, even if it is just on this forum. Also, you're a guy so you have balls anyway. I get you meant metaphorically and talking about courage.

The fact that you want to get yourself back on track shows that these thoughts you are having are just that, thoughts brought on by your situation and depression. A step by step process is only something you can come up with that will work and suit you. Most of the time it you just have to accept the things you can't change and put them behind you, and the things you can change you work on to change them. Weed out the garbage in your life and get rid of it, you don't need that either. Any negative influences, gone, don't need those either. Do what makes you happy and brings you joy.

These people you mentioned who tear others down in attempt to assert their dominance, they are bullies and most bullies are just cowards or trying to hide their own insecurities. They are just meaningless bumps in the road and a sad product of the human race. We could do with less bullies.

Bottom line though, you have to be the one to pull yourself up. Others can help steady you along the way but it really all comes down to you and the want and desire to do it.

Well, I can tell you that your picture looks just fine. So that's one less thing to worry about.

If you can hang in there, try to remember that change can ALWAYS happen, as long as you're still breathing.
I'll tell you what I do, though it sounds like we are very different from each other. I work outside. I could build something, or dig a hole and plant something, or I mow, or my favourite, I cut and chop firewood. But what I'm really doing is focusing my mind on an activity that is in front of me, which makes me shut off the noise in my head, the negative thoughts.

Sometimes relief from negative thoughts is all you can get, but even that is good.

I personally hope that you stay in this world for many more years, randomdude. 21 years old is too soon to quit. My counsel is to set yourself a goal, maybe get to the age of 25 and have a reliable line of work with a regular paycheck....something realistic. Whatever it takes to get through this bad time. Then let the future take care of itself when you get there.

That's how I got through my own young years. One practical step at a time. One day at a time if that's what it takes.

I know sometimes I get so weary of this world. I just try to make it through the day and feel like it is raining petty insults and slights even if people aren't trying to. I get home tired, annoyed, and wanting to roll up in a ball.

The one thing you do have to know is that life can change irrevocably in an instant. I mean that has totally happened to me.

Suggestion, can you get a pet? I have a cat and I would never think of suicide only because who would feed my baby? And at the end of a hard day, my kitty loves me.

LonelySutton said:

I know sometimes I get so weary of this world. I just try to make it through the day and feel like it is raining petty insults and slights even if people aren't trying to. I get home tired, annoyed, and wanting to roll up in a ball.

The one thing you do have to know is that life can change irrevocably in an instant. I mean that has totally happened to me.

Suggestion, can you get a pet? I have a cat and I would never think of suicide only because who would feed my baby? And at the end of a hard day, my kitty loves me.

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I have a male cat it's 4 years old house cat, but he never wants to cuddle or sit on the lap he just has like 30 minutes in a day where he is sleepy and wants to get scratched on his neck.

randomdude said:

I have a male cat it's 4 years old house cat, but he never wants to cuddle or sit on the lap he just has like 30 minutes in a day where he is sleepy and wants to get scratched on his neck.

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Mine too. But my cat loves me. I read an article a few months ago about how certain cats simply have different personalities and some don't like to be touched. As a human I don't like to be touched. But these cats do tolerate your rubbing or petting cause it is you. That is enough for me. He is also a big scary cat so I could never think about leaving him alone or him having to get a new master.

LonelySutton said:

randomdude said:

I have a male cat it's 4 years old house cat, but he never wants to cuddle or sit on the lap he just has like 30 minutes in a day where he is sleepy and wants to get scratched on his neck.

Click to expand...

Mine too. But my cat loves me. I read an article a few months ago about how certain cats simply have different personalities and some don't like to be touched. As a human I don't like to be touched. But these cats do tolerate your rubbing or petting cause it is you. That is enough for me. He is also a big scary cat so I could never think about leaving him alone or him having to get a new master.

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My cat was like that too. She hated people, but I wouldn't have traded her for any cat in the world. I had to put her to sleep back in April, but she was 17 and she had a very good life and I knew she loved me.