Sensitive People

Jamc88 said:

I'm writing because I feel considerably more depressed than usual. Something happened just before Christmas to make me sad and worried about the next month or so. It sucks for my whole family but I notice that I am almost catatonic a lot of the time in the last few days. All the little nice Christmas things I can't deal with because of the depressing thing whereas my family are coping normally and think its just one of those things. I am starting to realise that I am worse at coping with things than most other people.
I originally joined this site to just rant a bit about how I struggle to get anywhere in life but now I think I have a real emotional problem that has always been there. I should be much further on in life for my age but I keep falling into periods of depression and disappearing. Sometimes its a lack of energy or enthusiasm and sometimes its a real melancoholy sadness I have and when its worse than that I almost go into childlike states. I feel like crying at the moment but I won't because there are people around. Before, my Mum came in the room while I was listlessly going on Google Streetview to talk about something fairly trivial and then asked me if I was ok. What is bothering me so much, is it just the depressing thing? I was so wobbly I could hardly answer. I felt like crying and I barely cried at all in front of anyone else since I was about 11. If the weather wasn't so bad I'd go for a walk.

Other examples of my fragile mental state: Earlier this year, on hearing that an old relative's deteriorating condition has declined noticeably further I took it in and for the next few days I wasn't right and I kept thinking about the condition for weeks and pondering about my parents possibly getting it in the future. And when I went to the funeral of another relative that I wasn't even really that close to I struggled to keep it together for the bit where they play the music when everyone files past the coffin. Whereas the deceased's immediate family were very strong at the wake.
I'm so sentimental its really getting in the way of living life in the moment. My whole life I've been a worrier. I remember a few years ago when my only long term girlfriend dumped me I went into a childlike depression where I found and watched a film on Youtube that I remember watching one afternoon when I was about 8. It was an animated film about a toaster designed for children. Even when the relationship was going strong I remember being in my room alone watching the theme for the early 90's series of Rupert Bear and trying to make myself cry. I have these weird regressive childlike emotional waves.
What the hell is wrong with me? I am often completely normal and happy but these periods of different kinds of depression are bothering me and I worry about the future if I can't cope anymore and if I am on my own in my forties or fifties. I'm not suicidal but if I have the same kind of emotional range into the future will I feel like killing myself? One mantra I have started saying in my head recently is something along the lines of "I wish I was dead". I don't mean it and it usually goes with rolling my eyes back but its not a good sign.
I realize that the recent things I mentioned are legitimate reasons to be sad but I can't easily take a break from these emotions whereas other people seem to be able to compartmentalize better. I wonder if I should some sort of mild anti-depressant such as St John's Wort to take the edge off a bit. Any stories or ideas would be appreciated very much. Many thanks if you've read all that

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Jamc88 said:

I'm writing because I feel considerably more depressed than usual. Something happened just before Christmas to make me sad and worried about the next month or so. It sucks for my whole family but I notice that I am almost catatonic a lot of the time in the last few days. All the little nice Christmas things I can't deal with because of the depressing thing whereas my family are coping normally and think its just one of those things. I am starting to realise that I am worse at coping with things than most other people.
I originally joined this site to just rant a bit about how I struggle to get anywhere in life but now I think I have a real emotional problem that has always been there. I should be much further on in life for my age but I keep falling into periods of depression and disappearing. Sometimes its a lack of energy or enthusiasm and sometimes its a real melancoholy sadness I have and when its worse than that I almost go into childlike states. I feel like crying at the moment but I won't because there are people around. Before, my Mum came in the room while I was listlessly going on Google Streetview to talk about something fairly trivial and then asked me if I was ok. What is bothering me so much, is it just the depressing thing? I was so wobbly I could hardly answer. I felt like crying and I barely cried at all in front of anyone else since I was about 11. If the weather wasn't so bad I'd go for a walk.

Other examples of my fragile mental state: Earlier this year, on hearing that an old relative's deteriorating condition has declined noticeably further I took it in and for the next few days I wasn't right and I kept thinking about the condition for weeks and pondering about my parents possibly getting it in the future. And when I went to the funeral of another relative that I wasn't even really that close to I struggled to keep it together for the bit where they play the music when everyone files past the coffin. Whereas the deceased's immediate family were very strong at the wake.
I'm so sentimental its really getting in the way of living life in the moment. My whole life I've been a worrier. I remember a few years ago when my only long term girlfriend dumped me I went into a childlike depression where I found and watched a film on Youtube that I remember watching one afternoon when I was about 8. It was an animated film about a toaster designed for children. Even when the relationship was going strong I remember being in my room alone watching the theme for the early 90's series of Rupert Bear and trying to make myself cry. I have these weird regressive childlike emotional waves.
What the hell is wrong with me? I am often completely normal and happy but these periods of different kinds of depression are bothering me and I worry about the future if I can't cope anymore and if I am on my own in my forties or fifties. I'm not suicidal but if I have the same kind of emotional range into the future will I feel like killing myself? One mantra I have started saying in my head recently is something along the lines of "I wish I was dead". I don't mean it and it usually goes with rolling my eyes back but its not a good sign.
I realize that the recent things I mentioned are legitimate reasons to be sad but I can't easily take a break from these emotions whereas other people seem to be able to compartmentalize better. I wonder if I should some sort of mild anti-depressant such as St John's Wort to take the edge off a bit. Any stories or ideas would be appreciated very much. Many thanks if you've read all that

Click to expand...

Jamc88 said:

I'm writing because I feel considerably more depressed than usual. Something happened just before Christmas to make me sad and worried about the next month or so. It sucks for my whole family but I notice that I am almost catatonic a lot of the time in the last few days. All the little nice Christmas things I can't deal with because of the depressing thing whereas my family are coping normally and think its just one of those things. I am starting to realise that I am worse at coping with things than most other people.
I originally joined this site to just rant a bit about how I struggle to get anywhere in life but now I think I have a real emotional problem that has always been there. I should be much further on in life for my age but I keep falling into periods of depression and disappearing. Sometimes its a lack of energy or enthusiasm and sometimes its a real melancoholy sadness I have and when its worse than that I almost go into childlike states. I feel like crying at the moment but I won't because there are people around. Before, my Mum came in the room while I was listlessly going on Google Streetview to talk about something fairly trivial and then asked me if I was ok. What is bothering me so much, is it just the depressing thing? I was so wobbly I could hardly answer. I felt like crying and I barely cried at all in front of anyone else since I was about 11. If the weather wasn't so bad I'd go for a walk.

Other examples of my fragile mental state: Earlier this year, on hearing that an old relative's deteriorating condition has declined noticeably further I took it in and for the next few days I wasn't right and I kept thinking about the condition for weeks and pondering about my parents possibly getting it in the future. And when I went to the funeral of another relative that I wasn't even really that close to I struggled to keep it together for the bit where they play the music when everyone files past the coffin. Whereas the deceased's immediate family were very strong at the wake.
I'm so sentimental its really getting in the way of living life in the moment. My whole life I've been a worrier. I remember a few years ago when my only long term girlfriend dumped me I went into a childlike depression where I found and watched a film on Youtube that I remember watching one afternoon when I was about 8. It was an animated film about a toaster designed for children. Even when the relationship was going strong I remember being in my room alone watching the theme for the early 90's series of Rupert Bear and trying to make myself cry. I have these weird regressive childlike emotional waves.
What the hell is wrong with me? I am often completely normal and happy but these periods of different kinds of depression are bothering me and I worry about the future if I can't cope anymore and if I am on my own in my forties or fifties. I'm not suicidal but if I have the same kind of emotional range into the future will I feel like killing myself? One mantra I have started saying in my head recently is something along the lines of "I wish I was dead". I don't mean it and it usually goes with rolling my eyes back but its not a good sign.
I realize that the recent things I mentioned are legitimate reasons to be sad but I can't easily take a break from these emotions whereas other people seem to be able to compartmentalize better. I wonder if I should some sort of mild anti-depressant such as St John's Wort to take the edge off a bit. Any stories or ideas would be appreciated very much. Many thanks if you've read all that

Click to expand...

Jamc88 said:

I should be much further on in life for my age but I keep falling into periods of depression and disappearing. Sometimes its a lack of energy or enthusiasm and sometimes its a real melancholy sadness I have and when its worse than that I almost go into childlike states.

I'm so sentimental its really getting in the way of living life in the moment. My whole life I've been a worrier. I remember a few years ago when my only long term girlfriend dumped me I went into a childlike depression where I found and watched a film on Youtube that I remember watching one afternoon when I was about 8. It was an animated film about a toaster designed for children. Even when the relationship was going strong I remember being in my room alone watching the theme for the early 90's series of Rupert Bear and trying to make myself cry. I have these weird regressive childlike emotional waves.

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TheSkaFish said:

Jamc88 said:

I should be much further on in life for my age but I keep falling into periods of depression and disappearing. Sometimes its a lack of energy or enthusiasm and sometimes its a real melancholy sadness I have and when its worse than that I almost go into childlike states.

I'm so sentimental its really getting in the way of living life in the moment. My whole life I've been a worrier. I remember a few years ago when my only long term girlfriend dumped me I went into a childlike depression where I found and watched a film on Youtube that I remember watching one afternoon when I was about 8. It was an animated film about a toaster designed for children. Even when the relationship was going strong I remember being in my room alone watching the theme for the early 90's series of Rupert Bear and trying to make myself cry. I have these weird regressive childlike emotional waves.

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I just wanted to tell you I really related to a lot of the stuff you wrote in your post.  I too fall into periods of gloominess about life, and I sort of shut down for a while.  During these times, I have difficulty doing the simplest things, like posting and replying to messages and emails, and even in the offline world I'll just be lethargic, I won't feel like doing very much.  Sometimes in the past I would just lay down on the floor feeling sad, feeling like life passed me by.  It's hard to wake up some mornings because of this feeling.  I just want to stay in bed and hide.

I've been a worrier my whole life as well, though I'm trying to quit by practicing meditation and mindfulness.  I'm trying to tell myself that I don't know that things will turn out badly or that I'm too far gone, and that I should just enjoy today.  

I'm sentimental too, and like to hang on to things from my past and memories.  I still have a soft spot for old cartoons like the ones you described (I remember the Brave Little Toaster too, haha).  Things like talking cartoon animals and stuff like that, like Disney movies, the Land Before Time, or this other old cartoon about prehistoric times that had a creature in it called a "landfish", he was very endearing.  They make me happy because they're comforting, sweet and warm and good-natured, but it makes me sad that childhood is over and I can't go back that simpler world.  I don't want to have to harden up and pretend like things don't matter to me as much, because they do and I'll feel like I'll lose a bit of myself if I do that.  I want to be able to stay friendly and warm, and I want to keep holding on to the things that mean something to me.

I don't know if this helps any but I just wanted to say, I feel the same way.

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EveWasFramed said:

Is it possible that you have manic depression or you're bipolar? Have you spoken to a doctor?
I was glad to see that your family takes notice of you and inquires about your moods.

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