Ana's a real *****....
14 years is about as far back as I can remember it now.
Recovery, relapse, recovery, relapse, recovery.....relapse....
I THOUGHT I'd have gotten over it the last time for good. Then, it happened again....
When your nails turn blue, your vision blacks out for a minute when you stand up from sitting, counting everything all the **** time, paranoia that everyone around you can see all of your thoughts when you're eating and wonder messed up things about you, when you do just about anything to avoid being seen eating, restricting, crash dieting, never knowing what you actually really look like and the days where the scale doesn't change and you wanna break it from frustration
I honestly would not wish this upon anyone. It's really ******* horrible.
I hardly ever talk about it...predominately because I hate being a man with this problem. I actually only in the last 2 years have become comfortable with talking to the online community about it. Before that, the only two people that knew where my former lover who had EDNOS and her best friend who was bulimic.
It's still a bit awkward for me to talk about...but my roommate (my previous partner) is never really around for me to talk about it with anymore and sometimes I trigger her just by talking about the frustrations of it by accident, so she's kindly introduced me to a lot of her online friends who have that sort of problem from her old days on E.D. forums so I'm not dealing with it totally alone anymore at least.