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An observation about some people on this forum
#1
Before I start, I want to make it clear that this is NOT targeted at anyone in particular, just my attempt at a helpful observation.

One thing I have noticed from my time spent on this site (both as a member and before I registered) is that some people sometimes have a tendency towards overreacting to the smallest perceived slight at the hands of someone else. Often times, it can be even just be an attempt at constructive criticism that causes someone to go on the defensive and get far more agitated than what is merited. I won't go into specific examples but I've seen how this can really result in members making a thread much worse for themselves but more importantly it gives me the suspicion that this is how they might react in real life circumstances and I can't help but wonder if it might constitute a big part of the individual's problem with loneliness in general. I've had friends in real life who did this (and I've been guilty of it in the past myself) and it makes it harder to be friends with them and also results in life being more stressful and negative than it needs to be.

I think it is safe to say that in the case of ALL members, it's often the conditioning from long term loneliness and/or toxic past experiences with other people in real life that can result in this heightened sensitivity and/or defensiveness which is completely understandable but still (in my opinion) a serious thorn in the path to making life easier for oneself and for developing a good social circle

I think the solution to this is perhaps to focus on cultivating inner calmness, especially in regards to how we react to others. I know for sure that preventing myself from giving into emotional overreactions will be a big goal of mine in 2016.
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#2
I think you are right about this for some. Chronic loneliness does make you hyper sensitive. The more lonely and isolated you become the worse the problem gets. I have not had a conversation with another human being face yo face for months. The only time I see another human being is when I go to the shop or on TV. It has a warping effect which means thoughts and experiences are not normal. This means that those who have something of normal life experiences try to judge others thier way. Often it ends up being patronizing even though the person responding means well.
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#3
I think some people would be overly-sensitive and overly-emotional anyway, whether they felt lonely for any length of time or not. I think that's more personality trait than anything else. Some people need to - and I don't mean to make anyone sound like a dog or anything - train themselves to not react a certain way. Because someone disagreeing or not getting one's way doesn't mean we are automatically entitled to act like the world owes us or that we were supposed to get our way. Some people act like that, and some people don't. That speaks more of their character than their circumstance or situation they may be in.
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#4
You're dealing with a higher degree of emotional states on a forum like this so it's pretty much normal to see those kind of reactions.

You can take this broader though and apply it to the world in general. People seem to becoming more sensative to certain things. Twenty years ago you could tell a joke that might be off colour and make people laugh, now if you tell that same joke and people jump all over you about how insensitive it is or racist, or not PC, etc. Then you have people who have zero tact, who just say whatever without thinking of the other person and their feelings or what state the person might be in. Or you get people who've just had enough and can't take it anymore and just pop. There are some who just drag issues out so much and constantly beat it until you get so tired of it that you pop or make so many excuses you just had enough. You also have people who can dish it out but can't take it. So you pretty much have a good example of where our society is right now in the world at large. Just take a look at the current U.S. presidential candidacy for a really good example. People get crapped on or singled out just because of their position in life. This happens everywhere, home, friends, work, it's all around us anymore.

Getting back to this forum though, which is a really good representation of where we are at in the world and why there needs to be more help and acceptance of people in general and mental health. Most everyone on this forum joined it for a reason and many for a common issue, loneliness. Sitting behind a screen and just typing whatever you want doesn't always fly, you don't know what is going on with the other person(s). At one moment they might seem just fine then the next not. It's the same on each end, a person might come on after having a bad day and just freak out on people, it's happened it will always happen. It can be very hard to be mindful and respectful of other people during those moments when things just overwhelm us.
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#5
One thing that i had to learn was that i also need to accept responsibility for my own moods, life, circumstances, etc. That the only person who is really responsible for my happiness is me. And, to then act accordingly. That you can be selfish on your own behalf as well.
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#6
way to group the individuals as a group...time to write those zodiac predcitions for Feb?
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#7
(01-04-2016, 03:59 AM)Alone By Faults Wrote: way to group the individuals as a group...time to write those zodiac predcitions for Feb?

It was a comment on something I've noticed that seems self-defeating to me. If you don't like it then that is not my concern. Many presumably come here to try and do something about their loneliness, not sure why you would have an issue with an attempt at trouble-shooting.
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#8
I've noticed quite a few reactions people provide that I think would translate to why they face loneliness and an inability to make friends.

- Like you describe, some overreact to perceived hostility even when hostility never exists. This would certainly turn away a lot of folks.
- Others I've noticed are extremely submissive in their personality. Often they are scared to say what they really think or are always trying to calm down situations (including ones created by the type of people mentioned above). In person I would think this means that they're probably not likely to ever really start conversations with anyone, or if they do then they aren't able to keep up enough conversation to keep the other person interested.
- Some are just very depressed or have extremely low self-esteem and are constantly self-deprecating, as well. This will turn off a lot of people because it is honesty just baggage that most people don't want to have to deal with, and no matter what you say to these people they never seem to change their outlook, which makes them seem like they are incapable of listening.
- And a few people just like to whine and complain. Not ever really seeming to want to do anything to solve those problems.

Those aren't all the things, but many of the more common ones.
And, just for the record, I'm not saying any of these things are bad. They are just ways people deal with their problems. Honestly I'd bet everyone everywhere does these sort of things to some degree. Everyone copes with issues in their own ways. No one is perfect. Still it is an interesting thing to think about and see happening.

I've even noticed this with myself. Although I don't really care and it's actually somewhat intentional, but I often talk in metaphors and obfuscations which make me seem off-putting to others, hard to understand. When I'm not doing that I often speak in plain facts and speak my mind, even if it isn't what people want to hear, and many people obviously just want to hear what they want to hear, not the truth. Or at least what I see as the truth. That pushes almost everyone else away from me who wasn't confused by the first issue. In fact for a while the only way I ever talked to people was in metaphors and obfuscations, what others always called "nonsense". That drove everyone away, and at that point in my life it was unintentional. That is merely how my mind processes things and how I naturally want to communicate. For everyone else I guess this seems... foreign or alien, I guess. I had to learn that this is not the way in which other people understand things.
Anyway, I know now why I do these things. I now know precisely how I come across to others. And perhaps some might say I cause my own problems but that isn't exactly true. For me personally that's not the real issue I have and I know it. So behaving differently would not really get me anywhere new. Not like I haven't tried that before. But this actually makes me wonder about others here. Are these reactions we see above also just byproducts and not the real problem? I think it really depends on the person. For some it is their problem. For others it is the byproduct of their problems. I don't think there is really any way to generalize everyone into these categories. Every situation is different. I mean some of these reactions are even caused by clinical illnesses, like depression, which obviously isn't an easy problem to solve. So there is really no one there to blame for that, it just happens.

All that said: it would be really great if everyone here recognized how they behave with others and how others might see them behaving. And what might possibly be done about this, if anything. I think that would help quite a lot of people here. And while it won't solve everyone's problems, as I just explained, it would probably still be beneficial for everyone if not simply just to more fully realize and identify themselves and their behavior, if they have not really analyzed themselves in such a perspective before.
"But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad."
"How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn’t have come here."
-- Lewis Carrol, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
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#9
(01-04-2016, 03:59 AM)Alone By Faults Wrote: way to group the individuals as a group...time to write those zodiac predcitions for Feb?

He wasn't grouping anyone. Sure, it can be applied generally, but I saw no specific generalization. If what was said doesn't apply to you, then know that and ignore the post.
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#10
Many people have self-esteem issues, worry that others might be judging them. That any little criticism, they interpret as saying they are a failure, a loser.
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