Me, me, me, me.. (kind of a rant)

LonelySutton · Jan 2, 2016

For me the biggest challenge of being a single person is that I am the outlet for other's troubles but, there is no outlet for me. I almost feel like I am going to explode sometimes because so much comes in the front but there is no outlet for me to unburden myself.

At work I have a few friends and in a way I can't get away from them because I work with them. This week I went to ask a co worker a work related question and the next thing I know an hour has gone buy where she poured her heart out to me about her troubles. Then I called another worker and she also poured it out and, frankly her troubles are starting to anger me because she is disingenuous and won't do anything to fix her situation. But I feel this happens because I am single and they presume, I have no troubles. Both this week I feel like I got hijacked because I didn't call or visit them to gossip --they just like hijacked my listening ear... and this isn't the first time a relative stranger has just come and hijacked me. A couple of weeks ago my brother called because he wanted to complain about something that his family would not listen to.

So after a week of others shoving their issues into me... I let it all out on a thread on this board that I hang out on (not here) crickets. 3 days later not one response. Now, I get it, they might not have anything to say but, they should say something... thus it is brought home to me how there is no one there for me.

How many times have I been supportive of them. Even if I didn't know what to do say. How many times??!!! I would say that out loud on the board but I have done that in the past and only gotten banned. So either I just stuff it in, and deal or lose any opportunity to get things out.

Tired of it. It seems no one talks to me unless they exhausted all others and want to vent. But no one wants to hear my venting.

Solivagant · Jan 2, 2016

It's been exactly the same for me. I don't mind at all if people vent to me, I'm happy to listen. But I'm bothered that they never lend an ear in return or contact me just to hang out or see how I'm doing. There's no interest in my life or feelings, it's all one-sided. I'm basically just a free therapy session, and that's the only capacity in which any so-called "friend" has wanted me in their life. I can have one-sided friendships or I can have nothing, it's always a choice between the two. (Over the last several years I've gone the "nothing" route.)

I'm sorry I don't have much in the way of advice or optimism. Just wanted to commiserate.

ThatZealousOne · Jan 2, 2016

To be fair, it has been christmas/new year. A lot of people have dropped off the web. Perhaps they're busy?

Still, I haven't had quite this experience. I find people can be talked to about personal problems, but you shouldn't expect them to provide any kind of help or anything. That's what I've found. They're okay to listen and to talk to me about it, nothing more. And I'm okay with that, I wouldn't expect them to do any more for me after all.

That said, work isn't really the best place to spew personal troubles. Perhaps next time if they start going on about it just cut them off and try and get the conversation back on track.

mermaid11 · Jan 2, 2016

I can relate, it can be really difficult always being the one that's there for others, yet when you need a listening ear yourself, people are nowhere to be found. It gets exhausting. Feel free to vent to me anytime, I'm a good listener

LonelySutton · Jan 2, 2016

mermaid11 said:
I can relate, it can be really difficult always being the one that's there for others, yet when you need a listening ear yourself, people are nowhere to be found. It gets exhausting. Feel free to vent to me anytime, I'm a good listener

Thanks. {{}}

VanillaCreme · Jan 2, 2016

mermaid11 said:
I can relate, it can be really difficult always being the one that's there for others, yet when you need a listening ear yourself, people are nowhere to be found. It gets exhausting. Feel free to vent to me anytime, I'm a good listener

Can I ever relate to this, too... It doesn't help that the people I would possibly talk to about anything don't care about anything else except for things they do. Literally cut me off just to talk about something in their day. I've basically stopped thinking that I could tell them anything. What's the point when they're too self-absorbed anyway... I keep things to myself now.

dd11 · Jan 2, 2016

I started taking more note of relationships. I now look to see if they are a 2 way street. If not then why waste your time with people who wont do it for you. Learn some techniques to say "sorry but i have other things i need to attend to" and then walk away from some of these folks.

reynard_muldrake · Jan 3, 2016

LonelySutton said:
For me the biggest challenge of being a single person is that I am the outlet for other's troubles but, there is no outlet for me. I almost feel like I am going to explode sometimes because so much comes in the front but there is no outlet for me to unburden myself.

At work I have a few friends and in a way I can't get away from them because I work with them. This week I went to ask a co worker a work related question and the next thing I know an hour has gone buy where she poured her heart out to me about her troubles. Then I called another worker and she also poured it out and, frankly her troubles are starting to anger me because she is disingenuous and won't do anything to fix her situation. But I feel this happens because I am single and they presume, I have no troubles. Both this week I feel like I got hijacked because I didn't call or visit them to gossip --they just like hijacked my listening ear... and this isn't the first time a relative stranger has just come and hijacked me. A couple of weeks ago my brother called because he wanted to complain about something that his family would not listen to.

So after a week of others shoving their issues into me... I let it all out on a thread on this board that I hang out on (not here) crickets. 3 days later not one response. Now, I get it, they might not have anything to say but, they should say something... thus it is brought home to me how there is no one there for me.

How many times have I been supportive of them. Even if I didn't know what to do say. How many times??!!! I would say that out loud on the board but I have done that in the past and only gotten banned. So either I just stuff it in, and deal or lose any opportunity to get things out.

Tired of it. It seems no one talks to me unless they exhausted all others and want to vent. But no one wants to hear my venting.

It's a shame people don't take your feelings into consideration. Do you think you could keep them at a distance? There's really no reason for you to lend an ear if they're unwilling to return the favor. You may lose others in the process, but in this case that may be the better option.

kamya · Jan 3, 2016

I have the opposite of this problem with a few people. I'm happy to share my issues and open up but I want the chance to listen too.

LonelySutton · Jan 3, 2016

reynard_muldrake said:
There's really no reason for you to lend an ear if they're unwilling to return the favor. You may lose others in the process, but in this case that may be the better option.

I kind of wonder what is up these days... I don't want to over state this but people seem to forcibly take my listening. Even to the extent that sometimes we are in a meeting or something and your staring the meeting and they don't even seem to notice or stop. There is so much need, all over. Just at x-mas I spent most of it listening to my SIL's mom going on about her worries and anxiety... I swear to god I felt like she had been saving it up for months...

mermaid11 · Jan 3, 2016

I know that feeling well LonelySutton, sometimes i think even disappearing in front of these people wouldn't make them stop talking. i know a woman who sends one page emails just dumping about her problems, i oftenfeel like telling her that buying a journal may be a better idea....

Peaches · Jan 4, 2016

hey, whenever you wish to vent, I'lll be very happy to listen to you!

It used to happen to me as well, all the time, in the last couple of years that stopped kind of abruptly, and yet I don't understand why this change, what did I do

Anyway, I hope some of them "redeem" themselves, and that you can deal with them on a more even keel

LonelySutton · Jan 5, 2016

Peaches said:
hey, whenever you wish to vent, I'lll be very happy to listen to you!

Thanks Peaches. You are a good person.

lifestream · Jan 5, 2016

I've always found that people would much rather take support than give it. It's the burden of listeners in the world, I guess. We hear so much but get to say so little.

Paraiyar · Jan 7, 2016

kamya said:
I have the opposite of this problem with a few people. I'm happy to share my issues and open up but I want the chance to listen too.

Do you think they'd react badly if you told them this (assuming you haven't already)?

kamya · Jan 7, 2016

Paraiyar said:
kamya said:

I have the opposite of this problem with a few people. I'm happy to share my issues and open up but I want the chance to listen too.

Click to expand...

Do you think they'd react badly if you told them this (assuming you haven't already)?

I usually do tell them. I dont usually hold things in when they are on my mind. No they don't react badly. But nothing really changes.

stork_error · Jan 7, 2016

LonelySutton said:
For me the biggest challenge of being a single person is that I am the outlet for other's troubles but, there is no outlet for me. I almost feel like I am going to explode sometimes because so much comes in the front but there is no outlet for me to unburden myself.

At work I have a few friends and in a way I can't get away from them because I work with them. This week I went to ask a co worker a work related question and the next thing I know an hour has gone buy where she poured her heart out to me about her troubles. Then I called another worker and she also poured it out and, frankly her troubles are starting to anger me because she is disingenuous and won't do anything to fix her situation. But I feel this happens because I am single and they presume, I have no troubles. Both this week I feel like I got hijacked because I didn't call or visit them to gossip --they just like hijacked my listening ear... and this isn't the first time a relative stranger has just come and hijacked me. A couple of weeks ago my brother called because he wanted to complain about something that his family would not listen to.

So after a week of others shoving their issues into me... I let it all out on a thread on this board that I hang out on (not here) crickets. 3 days later not one response. Now, I get it, they might not have anything to say but, they should say something... thus it is brought home to me how there is no one there for me.

How many times have I been supportive of them. Even if I didn't know what to do say. How many times??!!! I would say that out loud on the board but I have done that in the past and only gotten banned. So either I just stuff it in, and deal or lose any opportunity to get things out.

Tired of it. It seems no one talks to me unless they exhausted all others and want to vent. But no one wants to hear my venting.

I used to be everybody's outlet as well, until I had my own problems and then bam, the " friends" that I listened to on so many occasions were clearly uninterested in my problems. On that note, I now know how to drive hijackers away... you just make up some annoying dramatic miserable story and then watch them disappear. There were only two that I had to actually ditch and then my world became peaceful. However, you are right about one thing, nobody wants to be the listener, but everybody wants one.

The result of having nobody to listen is isolation. Seems it feels better to expect nobody to listen and thus not ask for it, then it feels to ask for it and not get it.

I now expect nobody to give a honeysuckle.

I also recognize that the problems I experienced were horrendous, dramatic, painful, annoying and overwhelming to others so how could I expect it in the first place.

But as a result of not being listened to. I now don't bother listening to others and essentially have become of no benefit to anyone.

VanillaCreme · Jan 7, 2016

stork_error said:
The result of having nobody to listen is isolation. Seems it feels better to expect nobody to listen and thus not ask for it, then it feels to ask for it and not get it.

I now expect nobody to give a honeysuckle.

I also recognize that the problems I experienced were horrendous, dramatic, painful, annoying and overwhelming to others so how could I expect it in the first place.

But as a result of not being listened to. I now don't bother listening to others and essentially have become of no benefit to anyone.

I never expect anything from anyone, even if it's considered common courtesy, but if you considered someone a friend, then I think them listening to you would be high on the list. I don't expect random people that I don't know from a can of paint to listen. But friends? Yeah, a bit. The ones I talk to more don't do it though.

But, being listened to or not, that wouldn't affect me not listening. That's just not the type of person I am. I'm a thinker, a problem-solver, so that automatically means paying attention to and listening.

kamya · Jan 7, 2016

VanillaCreme said:
But, being listened to or not, that wouldn't affect me not listening. That's just not the type of person I am. I'm a thinker, a problem-solver, so that automatically means paying attention to and listening.

I've never seen your picture. Dood are you secretly a man?

Solivagant · Jan 7, 2016

VanillaCreme said:
But, being listened to or not, that wouldn't affect me not listening. That's just not the type of person I am. I'm a thinker, a problem-solver, so that automatically means paying attention to and listening.

^ Ditto.

Me, me, me, me.. (kind of a rant)

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