The problems of others.

I just got injured while trying to play cricket a few days ago. The ball hit right in my eye and I was taken to a hospital. The doctor informed that there is a permanent damage in the cornea and probably I wont be able to see through that eye properly ever again. I wonder how unlucky I am, as it never happened to anyone else. What are the odds, ball being hit at the same time I was standing at the exact place, and hitting EXACTLY in the eye. What kind of joke is nature playing on me? While nobody cares, I was taken home and nobody cares much. As my mother brought me water, I asked, "Why did this happen to me? What is my fault?" She replied,"Nothing" and left.
I cried. Not because of the pain, but because I cant stop these things from happening to me.

But that's not enough, what makes me sad is how people think. My uncle came to see me and said, "Don't worry. You are not alone." And then he explained how different things have happened to different people, and how they have to live with them. Some examples were of heart cancer, some of blindness, etc.

I was so angry at the time, I didn't care and asked what's the point. He said that this should reduce your pain. At that time, I just wanted to slap him. How can he think that by knowing the pain of others would make me less worried? In fact it should make me feel even more sad. Does he expect me to feel happy if more people have troubles in their lives? What are these people upto?

I would get some second opinions about your eye. I know you are hurting, but from what I see your mother is telling you not to feel guilty by saying you did nothing that was your fault. Your uncle was trying to give you perspective by showing that other people also go through difficulties. Some people slowly become permanently blind in both eyes and for them, having any vision left for them is a gift.

What you are feeling is completely valid. Just know that the people around you are trying to help even if it doesn't feel that way. Take some time for yourself. I think you are feeling raw and may want to push them away. I've done it plenty of times. But are you angry at these people who love you or are you angry at your situation?

edamame721 said:

rBut are you angry at these people who love you or are you angry at your situation?

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I agree you are angry at the situation. I have no idea what to say but I would agree with the other poster that I would not foreclose the possibility of this improving. Doctors I think are just too negative. So many times in my life have they gone all gloom and doom and been wrong. I think it is due to medical malpractice. I would take what was said with a grain of salt and get a second opinion with someone who is a specialist in the eye, not some goof who saw you on an emergency basis... and, if it doesn't get better... well, by that time you might feel different.

That's a crappy thing to happen. Must have hurt something fierce, too. I hope you feel better, and honestly, I'd seek another opinion about the eye as well if you can. You may be told something else. If you haven't been told already, try to keep it covered or closed. Let it heal at least.

And your uncle was just trying to make you feel better is all. Probably same as your mom. They don't have a magic cure to help your eye, so the least they can do is try to give a few words to maybe make you realize it could be worse. At least you still have an eye. I've heard of eyeballs being pulled out and eyelids being ripped off, and other no-so-fun stuff.

But don't be so hard on yourself or life. Accidents happen.

You asked your mother what you did wrong and she said you did nothing wrong. This is true and she wants you to see that. Sometimes things just happen. There isn't a reason for it or anything. They just do.
Your uncle was also trying to explain to you the things about other people because he also wants you to understand that things just happen sometimes. And maybe that you or he left out is that many of those people who have faced almost-unbearable challenges can still smile and be happy with their lives.

M, don't look at yourself like a victim. You're just a person who has faced challenges like everyone else. Everyone faces different challenges just as everyone lives a different life. Perhaps some of these challenges are worse than what others face, but what you need to know is that overcoming these things is what gives us the ability to become stronger. The more challenges we overcome, and the more we overcome them, the stronger we are as individuals.

Through these challenges are how we build character.
Do not pity yourself or look for reasons why these things happen to you. Be proud of the challenges you face, M. Be proud that you have strength and have overcome them.

This is what I've always been trying to tell you. You're a great person, you just need to be able to see this yourself.

Your family cares, they just express it in a different way then you want. Your mother and uncle seem to be doing more logical, rational responses. You seem to want more emotional, empathetic response.

Nobody is trying to understand what I am saying. I mean to say, why do people give me examples of others who have been through worse? Maybe those examples given to you may make you feel good But I cant feel better when I lose one eye and come to know about someone losing both.....

I think what they are trying to point out is that it could be worse and you should count your blessing that it's not.

M_also_lonely said:

Nobody is trying to understand what I am saying. I mean to say, why do people give me examples of others who have been through worse? Maybe those examples given to you may make you feel good But I cant feel better when I lose one eye and come to know about someone losing both.....

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I did answer your question.

It is because someone who lost both their eyes, or never had any sight at all, or faced any other challenges that might be considered 'worse' than your own can still smile, and they can still be happy.
The examples are to help you recognize the fact that the unhappiness you face from your circumstances comes from within you and not necessarily from the circumstances themselves.
Once you have realized this, it allows for you to find and realize your own happiness inside of yourself, because no longer will the challenges you face stop you from that happiness. You will have overcome them. That alone will bring happiness.

And as Callie explains, it also shows that situations could be worse and that you should value what you have because it is an attempt to show that you still have a lot to be happy about.

Do you understand? It is about not allowing your circumstances define whether you are happy or unhappy, but instead being happy simply because you can be.

M_also_lonely said:

Nobody is trying to understand what I am saying. I mean to say, why do people give me examples of others who have been through worse? Maybe those examples given to you may make you feel good But I cant feel better when I lose one eye and come to know about someone losing both.....

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It is an awkard attempt by people to help ease your suffering. In reality, there is nothing they can say or do that is going to change the situation. All they can do is try to offer words of comfort. Of course you are angry at the situation, but they did not cause the situation so at least take some comfort in that they were awkardly trying to address your pain.

I do sympathise with your predicament. Losing sight is traumatic - you are experiencing trauma and anger is part of it.

I had a posterior vitreous detachment last year which left me with reduced vision and ongoing issues. It was so traumatic that I couldn't eat for several days.

Although the vitreous cleared up quite a lot over time, weird things happen in artificial light, and there is a permanent floater which annoys me sometimes.

I'm trying to adapt, as I have a cataract in my other eye which appears to be getting worse.

It feels that time isn't on my side, and I have so many paintings that I want to paint!

The thing is. Health problems of any kind, are some of the most serious problems there are. But healthy people can't really relate. When your health is ok you don't consider it even a minute.

It's unfair that you got into that accident. But it's no-one's fault. No one can be blamed. All you can do is to move on as best you can.

Good luck.

I'm sorry to hear about your eye, M.