As a Middle Aged Man, the single's in my age region are...

Find deals on ebay
Shop on amazon
Advertise with us!
Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
A

Alone By Faults

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 15, 2015
Messages
150
Reaction score
0
Being single is too much hard work...

Not in keeping shape, being polite, and being happy in myself now but the issues that are presented so early on. Most who have adequate social and life skills are married. The ones that are divorced or single (myself included) have issues that come out right away.

Latest coffee get together with a divorced woman near my age. Third sip in and I get the venting of the stress that he ex husband is now sponging off his mother. But she is happy that she cut the purse strings and that she is happy now that it is "me" time.

While I appreciate the "trust" or probably the ease of having someone who thinks they can vent and unload their emotional garbage so soon, this turned into a land mine right away. It is not uncommon for women of this age to list past hurts and how they are triumphing over them in the first date. Cup of coffee and another potential done.


Women in their late 20's are so much more optimistic in life. Too young to have a relationship (physical or emotionl) but to hang, talk, and have coffee it is a pleasant afternoon out.

Today confirmed that prospects are dim and that I dam well better be responsible for my own happiness.
 
No I can relate. I do think there is something to the idea that everyone kind of wants to hang out with younger people because they are so much more pleasant. At my job, there are positions that are short term prestigious positions. When I was young, they wanted me to do this job. I declined because I believed it to be too much for me. I was concentrating on the job. But now I think younger people get these things not because they are expected to perform, but rather they are just pleasant uncomplicated people that bring life, kindness, joy and motivation to group.

I do find myself more interested in hanging out with younger guys. They are just so open and kind.

I also know what you mean because I have a ton of girlfriends / co workers who just go on and on about triumphing over their perceived slights. But I have always said that people who have actually had terrible circumstances don't actually ever talk about them because it is actually painful to discuss and they don't want to go there. But the victimization of society makes it so everyone is a victim.
 
Alone By Faults said:
While I appreciate the "trust" or probably the ease of having someone who thinks they can vent and unload their emotional garbage so soon, this turned into a land mine right away. It is not uncommon for women of this age to list past hurts and how they are triumphing over them in the first date. Cup of coffee and another potential done.


Women in their late 20's are so much more optimistic in life. Too young to have a relationship (physical or emotionl) but to hang, talk, and have coffee it is a pleasant afternoon out.

Today confirmed that prospects are dim and that I dam well better be responsible for my own happiness.
Click to expand...


Oh.. as a woman who is middle aged I find your statement ' It is not uncommon for women of this age to list past hurts and how they are triumphing over them in the first date.' Incorrect, I would never do such a thing and I know for a fact there are other women my age, who would not do it as well.. That is like saying all men who are middle age cannot perform in the sack and are constantly bitching about life in general.

You would be pleasantly surprised how many normal woman are out there. Do we get depressed and whine yes, but not to complete strangers on the first date or coffee clutch. Not all of us. I am not harshing on you either, just want you to be aware, we are out there if you choose to look.

Bright Blessings
 
Arachne said:
Alone By Faults said:
While I appreciate the "trust" or probably the ease of having someone who thinks they can vent and unload their emotional garbage so soon, this turned into a land mine right away. It is not uncommon for women of this age to list past hurts and how they are triumphing over them in the first date. Cup of coffee and another potential done.


Women in their late 20's are so much more optimistic in life. Too young to have a relationship (physical or emotionl) but to hang, talk, and have coffee it is a pleasant afternoon out.

Today confirmed that prospects are dim and that I dam well better be responsible for my own happiness.
Click to expand...


Oh.. as a woman who is middle aged I find your statement ' It is not uncommon for women of this age to list past hurts and how they are triumphing over them in the first date.' Incorrect, I would never do such a thing and I know for a fact there are other women my age, who would not do it as well.. That is like saying all men who are middle age cannot perform in the sack and are constantly bitching about life in general.

You would be pleasantly surprised how many normal woman are out there. Do we get depressed and whine yes, but not to complete strangers on the first date or coffee clutch. Not all of us. I am not harshing on you either, just want you to be aware, we are out there if you choose to look.

Bright Blessings
Click to expand...

You are correct in that it is a generalization

Please do not take what I say as an attack but I usually writhe on the inside when I see words like I never. Not calling you out nor do I know you in any way...it is just the way I allowed myself to become

at this point, I enjoy this site and I work on myself and prefer to just be by myself otherwise
 
Alone By Faults said:
Being single is too much hard work...

Not in keeping shape, being polite, and being happy in myself now but the issues that are presented so early on. Most who have adequate social and life skills are married. The ones that are divorced or single (myself included) have issues that come out right away.

Latest coffee get together with a divorced woman near my age. Third sip in and I get the venting of the stress that he ex husband is now sponging off his mother. But she is happy that she cut the purse strings and that she is happy now that it is "me" time.

While I appreciate the "trust" or probably the ease of having someone who thinks they can vent and unload their emotional garbage so soon, this turned into a land mine right away. It is not uncommon for women of this age to list past hurts and how they are triumphing over them in the first date. Cup of coffee and another potential done.


Women in their late 20's are so much more optimistic in life. Too young to have a relationship (physical or emotionl) but to hang, talk, and have coffee it is a pleasant afternoon out.

Today confirmed that prospects are dim and that I dam well better be responsible for my own happiness.
Click to expand...

The women I have dated (very few) or had coffee's with etc have all talked about men. Ex boyfriends, ex husband, friends, whatever. That has been the main subject of conversation. So I do understand what you are saying.

The prospects are very dim for many of us.
 
[/quote]

The women I have dated (very few) or had coffee's with etc have all talked about men. Ex boyfriends, ex husband, friends, whatever. That has been the main subject of conversation. So I do understand what you are saying.

The prospects are very dim for many of us.
[/quote]


Yes...I know where you are coming from. Its good that this comes up very quickly as the landmines can be avoided earlier. To each their own but if it dominates the conversation then no thanks.

Younger women generally dont seem to focus on this as much. Alas the age gap makes a serious relationship difficult.

Now I am encountering ladies in their 40's that do "Duck" face selfies....I do not know what to make of this
 
Not bringing up exes especially on a first meet-up just seems like Dating 101 to me. When I was out in the online dating world a few years back, I never once brought up my past relationships when I first met someone. The past should stay there - in the past. I always came prepared with light topics to discuss - sports, current events (except politics or religion), movies, music, hobbies - there are loads of light things to talk about.
Whenever a guy brought up their ex, red flags and alarm bells immediately went off in my head and I made a mental note of it. "Too caught up with their ex."

As for the side topic of duck face or trout pout selfies? Meh. With the age of smart phones where everyone can carefully curate and filter their portraits almost to the point of fiction - well, everyone is now Marilyn Monroe with wide-eyes and a pout. I don't care much about trout pout selfies but I agree that it's almost always women that take them.

-Teresa
 
I agree with Sofia, every woman of every age group should keep a first date conversation at a surface level. Even after a few dates, nothing terribly personal should rare its ugly face. In case it does, your date is riddled with issues. One minor pet peeve I have too is the whole "women in their 20s are more fun". Women of any age can be fun and pleasant.
 
Umm, I'm late on this train too, but someone in their late 20's is too young to have a relationship? What?
 
VanillaCreme said:
Umm, I'm late on this train too, but someone in their late 20's is too young to have a relationship? What?
Click to expand...

I'm pretty sure that he means they're too young for him to consider having a relationship with. It confused me for a second too.
 
I'm sure there are some common patterns amongst middle aged people versus younger people. But if women are hung up about their past in this age group, I feel like surely men of the same age group also have some common flaw.

It's also important to remember that "common" doesn't apply to everyone. I am tempted to say that in my twenties all the men I met were players and now in my thirties all the "good men" have been taken. I know that's not true so I don't say it even though in fits of frustration it sure feels like it. All it means is that I was perhaps unfortunate to meet the wrong type of men. Or that perhaps I judged them too quickly.

That's the other thing, we want other people to accept our flaws and yet we don't give other people a chance when they express theirs. Unless it's obvious right from the bat that someone is violent or cruel, no matter how badly the first date goes, I feel like a second date is still something I'd go for. Who knows what frame of mind the other person was in thus showing up all their flaws.

Alone by fault, maybe you were just venting out frustration with this post but I hope you won't let a few unpleasant experiences stop you from continuing to give middle aged women a chance.

Also just realised the OP posted this way back in Jan. Sorry :D
 
Cavey said:
VanillaCreme said:
Umm, I'm late on this train too, but someone in their late 20's is too young to have a relationship? What?
Click to expand...

I'm pretty sure that he means they're too young for him to consider having a relationship with. It confused me for a second too.
Click to expand...

Ah, I see. That makes more sense. As well as Veronika's post to it. I see the middle-aged thing now.
 
Veronika said:
I'm sure there are some common patterns amongst middle aged people versus younger people. But if women are hung up about their past in this age group, I feel like surely men of the same age group also have some common flaw.

It's also important to remember that "common" doesn't apply to everyone. I am tempted to say that in my twenties all the men I met were players and now in my thirties all the "good men" have been taken. I know that's not true so I don't say it even though in fits of frustration it sure feels like it. All it means is that I was perhaps unfortunate to meet the wrong type of men. Or that perhaps I judged them too quickly.

That's the other thing, we want other people to accept our flaws and yet we don't give other people a chance when they express theirs. Unless it's obvious right from the bat that someone is violent or cruel, no matter how badly the first date goes, I feel like a second date is still something I'd go for. Who knows what frame of mind the other person was in thus showing up all their flaws.

Alone by fault, maybe you were just venting out frustration with this post but I hope you won't let a few unpleasant experiences stop you from continuing to give middle aged women a chance.

Also just realised the OP posted this way back in Jan. Sorry :D
Click to expand...

I also get this impression; someone who seems quick to focus on shortcomings and weaknesses in others and write them off.

Maybe it's a faux pas but it wouldn't bother men if someone spoke about an ex unless it seemed like they were only interested in using me as a sounding board (or punching bag). Past relationships would be a normal feature of most people' lives past 30, can't expect them to act like they've always been single for the sake of your ego and entertainment.
 
Everyone is insanely critical these days, as if they are deserving of only perfection and nothing less. It's one of the main reasons I avoid people.

I noticed at the beginning of this thread people saying that young people are nicer and better to be around. Uh...what planet are you on? I'm 26 and can confidently say my generation is disgusting. Guys only care about women, and women only care about themselves. Everyone wants to live in an echo chamber and nobody is willing to compromise on anything. It's boring and intellectually bankrupt.
 

Similar threads

michael2
Fearful Avoidant Attachment style........
Replies
16
Views
1K
SherryGee
SherryGee
michael2
I stepped one foot outside the Friend Zone. I was Instantly cut-off.
2
Replies
20
Views
1K
February203
February203
CenotaphGirl
My nature is... disgusting and sinful...
2
Replies
38
Views
2K
homelessincheshire
homelessincheshire
P
I Keep Getting It Wrong
Replies
7
Views
569
okidoke
okidoke
okidoke
My Walk - My Continuing Realisation
Replies
2
Views
606
okidoke
okidoke

Latest posts

Back
Top