My issues haven't lessened in any way.. on the contrary, with the new year, more problems have arised, but I won't talk about those here.
I'll try and be brief.
HEALTH
I'm underweight but I eat more than anyone I know. During these christmas holidays I ate twice or more what any other person ate. I gained 2 or 3 kg, which I'm surely going to lose once I go back home.
I lack muscular mass and can't do much exercise (more details later in the post).
I have a rare disease which luckily hasn't been bothering me at all lately.
My memory is extremely bad but I'm trying to fix that as much as I can (and not managing very well).
SOCIAL
I have difficulties talking to any person. Just talking to people at uni or cashiers at the supermarket is a challenge. I try to limit it as much as I can... also it often happens I stutter or say something wrong (all this only with strangers or anyways people I don't usually talk to).
I tend to forget names and faces after a shockingly short time.
With people I know, it's extremely hard to keep in touch. I only have 3 "friends" irl which are basically the only people I talk to and we meet once every one or two weeks. I don't get along with them very well but I don't have anyone else.
My housemates are the worst.. I'll probably go live alone as soon as the contract is over and I find a better place.
So in the end if I go out I tend to go out alone. I enjoy afternoons out, just walking in the city centre. However I don't like being around too many people, I start to feel anxious and suffocating too, at times.. so I try and avoid crowded places. I don't like discos nor dancing. As for pubs.. I wouldn't go there alone, and I find it absurd many people (yes, I know a lot) absolutely have to get drunk when they go out because otherwise "it's useless", so they say.
Sometimes I'm singled out as the weird one because I don't like soccer, cars or don't smoke (cigarettes or anything else..) or simply don't enjoy the things I'm apparently supposed to like.
Anyways all things considered I have a lot of trouble meeting new people. Online is not much different.. with the notable exception of this forum.
FAMILY
I luckily live away from my family most of the year. We don't keep in touch with any relatives, aside from grandparents.
I have two younger brothers. One doesn't like me, the other is too young (8). Aside the times when I come back (2 or 3 times a year) we don't talk at all, not even by phone or skype or whatever.
Mum and dad are extremely critical of everything I do and often complain. Dad is disappointed in me and often voices this out. He often gets angry too, even for the smallest things. Mum is more quiet, but she has similar opinions. They think I'm weird for a number of reason.. the main ones are I have almost no friends, I don't go out in the evenings, and I've never brought a girl home. It's gotten so bad to the point that for example, yesterday, when there were guests coming, they forced me to go out because it's shameful if I'm seen home. And they just don't even make the effort to understand me.
We don't make each other presents, not even at christmas. We played poker and I was forced to play, even if I'm bad at it... what happened was they got from me all the money my grandparents had given me for christmas as presents. I shouldn't complain since it's dad's money that allows me to live, but still.
Also they don't want me to work at all, not even a part time job.. they just want me to finish my studies. (problem is I've been struggling with that but I'll talk about that another time).
OTHER
I had stopped exercising at all for years. When I decided to start again it was really hard. I thought I was managing by working out at home, but then something bad happened. Around August, while working out, I got hurt. Apparently a muscle strain.. but I don't know... this left me with a pain in my chest that is still there to this day whenever I try and use those muscles. I wanted to get the opinion of the family doctor, but my family doesn't believe me and they downplay everything I say. Moreover I can't drive, and the house is in the middle of nowhere. So the only option is to go to a doctor once I go back to my home. Why didn't I go before? Well obviously because any other doctor which is not my doctor makes me pay a lot, also because I didn't want to do this behind my parents' back, and lastly because I guess I'm subconsciously scared.
I have a very low self esteem. I have realized I have dissociative episodes sometimes (but I didn't know that had a name until recently).
I have been depressed for one whole year once, but I didn't tell anyone and spent the whole time home, aside from going out to buy food. I still get days when I'm depressed again but overall I'm ok.
I'll try and be brief.
HEALTH
I'm underweight but I eat more than anyone I know. During these christmas holidays I ate twice or more what any other person ate. I gained 2 or 3 kg, which I'm surely going to lose once I go back home.
I lack muscular mass and can't do much exercise (more details later in the post).
I have a rare disease which luckily hasn't been bothering me at all lately.
My memory is extremely bad but I'm trying to fix that as much as I can (and not managing very well).
SOCIAL
I have difficulties talking to any person. Just talking to people at uni or cashiers at the supermarket is a challenge. I try to limit it as much as I can... also it often happens I stutter or say something wrong (all this only with strangers or anyways people I don't usually talk to).
I tend to forget names and faces after a shockingly short time.
With people I know, it's extremely hard to keep in touch. I only have 3 "friends" irl which are basically the only people I talk to and we meet once every one or two weeks. I don't get along with them very well but I don't have anyone else.
My housemates are the worst.. I'll probably go live alone as soon as the contract is over and I find a better place.
So in the end if I go out I tend to go out alone. I enjoy afternoons out, just walking in the city centre. However I don't like being around too many people, I start to feel anxious and suffocating too, at times.. so I try and avoid crowded places. I don't like discos nor dancing. As for pubs.. I wouldn't go there alone, and I find it absurd many people (yes, I know a lot) absolutely have to get drunk when they go out because otherwise "it's useless", so they say.
Sometimes I'm singled out as the weird one because I don't like soccer, cars or don't smoke (cigarettes or anything else..) or simply don't enjoy the things I'm apparently supposed to like.
Anyways all things considered I have a lot of trouble meeting new people. Online is not much different.. with the notable exception of this forum.
FAMILY
I luckily live away from my family most of the year. We don't keep in touch with any relatives, aside from grandparents.
I have two younger brothers. One doesn't like me, the other is too young (8). Aside the times when I come back (2 or 3 times a year) we don't talk at all, not even by phone or skype or whatever.
Mum and dad are extremely critical of everything I do and often complain. Dad is disappointed in me and often voices this out. He often gets angry too, even for the smallest things. Mum is more quiet, but she has similar opinions. They think I'm weird for a number of reason.. the main ones are I have almost no friends, I don't go out in the evenings, and I've never brought a girl home. It's gotten so bad to the point that for example, yesterday, when there were guests coming, they forced me to go out because it's shameful if I'm seen home. And they just don't even make the effort to understand me.
We don't make each other presents, not even at christmas. We played poker and I was forced to play, even if I'm bad at it... what happened was they got from me all the money my grandparents had given me for christmas as presents. I shouldn't complain since it's dad's money that allows me to live, but still.
Also they don't want me to work at all, not even a part time job.. they just want me to finish my studies. (problem is I've been struggling with that but I'll talk about that another time).
OTHER
I had stopped exercising at all for years. When I decided to start again it was really hard. I thought I was managing by working out at home, but then something bad happened. Around August, while working out, I got hurt. Apparently a muscle strain.. but I don't know... this left me with a pain in my chest that is still there to this day whenever I try and use those muscles. I wanted to get the opinion of the family doctor, but my family doesn't believe me and they downplay everything I say. Moreover I can't drive, and the house is in the middle of nowhere. So the only option is to go to a doctor once I go back to my home. Why didn't I go before? Well obviously because any other doctor which is not my doctor makes me pay a lot, also because I didn't want to do this behind my parents' back, and lastly because I guess I'm subconsciously scared.
I have a very low self esteem. I have realized I have dissociative episodes sometimes (but I didn't know that had a name until recently).
I have been depressed for one whole year once, but I didn't tell anyone and spent the whole time home, aside from going out to buy food. I still get days when I'm depressed again but overall I'm ok.
---
I guess that's it, I'll add something again if anything I've forgotten to write comes to mind.
Everything considered, I really wonder how I'm going to fix any of these problems...
