Online dating - When to meet up?

How long have you or would you wait to meet up in person?

Obviously taking necessary safety precautions.

It depends on the distance between the two people and what kind of schedule they have so they can have time, energy and money to meet up. If the person is someone who really sparks your interest towards them, definitely try to meet up with him/her face to face as fast as possible. Because real life is always different than talking online because then you can see the person's body language, is there any chemistry between the two of you etc. It all depends on how fast to meet up face to face is comfortable enough to both of you. If your romantic interest doesn't live too far away, I wouldn't wait for too long... Though, life is surprising sometimes and things happen so it really depends on many different aspects. I would say to meet as fast as possible because then you aren't wasting time with someone who could be something totally different than you thought of. Good luck!

A few years back I was in the online dating universe. I met up with maybe 15 or so guys, most were just once or twice.
My feeling was that I wasn't looking for a texting or messaging buddy and I was fine with meeting up relatively early on. Anyone can be anything online. My cat could have a fake account posing as a man and no one would be the wiser until meeting up in person. Meow.

It's also hard to tell if there's that elusive chemistry without meeting up in person.
I usually met up for coffee or something very casual, inexpensive and low pressure. One time I met up with someone for ice cream sundaes. I called the first meetups Date Zero. Then of course you both can decide if you'd like to meet up again.

-Teresa

I prefer to talk to them for a while first. I like to scan for issues and really feel the person out. By the time I actually meet them I pretty much know their life stories and if I meet them its because Ive deemed them harmless to the best of my knowledge.
Perverts usually give up quickly. The more a guy asks me to meet too quickly the more weary I become. But thats just me. I dont think there is a right or wrong here. As long as you have the safety precautions going on, there is no right time. its personal preference.

As soon as possible. But the more inconvenient it is to meet, the longer you should take to know them.

I have never waited long when I was serious about it. I think the earliest was within a few days. He was local though. The longest was a month.

Serenia said:

How long have you or would you wait to meet up in person?

Obviously taking necessary safety precautions.

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I usually tend to get to know the person a lot through a lot of communication and usually it goes on stages like voice calls, then it goes on to video calls, and then eventually meet. But I do see how meeting up early could be beneficial and feeling the guy out and sensing his body language in person.

(If this is happening for you, I'd be super excited for you!)

Thanks for the replies.

It is so interesting how it differs from person to person. I am enjoying taking my time, we have been swapping messages daily for the last three weeks. He isn't local, but we can work around that if willing. But I would like to meet him reasonbly soon to make sure there is a chemistry between us, that happened to me once before and it was painful, also he behaved in a very different way than he did in his messages on the phone.

He also wants to take his time, we are working towards speaking on the phone possibly tonight or this week sometime. He has said asked me for a first date when we are both ready.

Thanks Ladyf, I am excited, I am really enjoying swapping messages with him.

On a side note. I only joined for about 4 days! I said I wasn't cut out for online dating. But I got down and thought I would give it a go. I was suprised at the men who ignored what your profile said and sent you messages. Inhad specified I was interested in men between the ages of 35 and 50. But I got messages from men who were 18, a 67 and a persistent pervy 57 who I had to block. Whether they message everyone new in the hope of a reply, but it instantly got my back up because there was no thought put into it. I was suprised as well at how many men did not smile, and even grumpy in their photos, that is just me, but also reading the profiles again it was astounding how many were barely filled in with one word answers. I can't see the womens profiles and I am sure it is the same on that side too, just my obervations that turned me off. I got what looked like two genuine messages, one I quickly discounted as he was very full on, and not listening to my replies properly. But the guy I am messaging now 'seems' ok, he sent me a message and his profile shot he had a big friendly grin, his profile was interesting and well filled in, and we had a lot in common. At the end of the day I am really enjoying spending time chatting.

I soon shut it down, I am not sure whether I would try it again if this didn't work out.

I can't force myself to smile in photos (I just end up looking ridiculous) so I often don't. I also have kept what's written on my profile short because I've noticed that women don't seem to like a ramble at all. I haven't had it up for long and haven't got any replies yet. The photo of me is at the Berlin wall and I think you can't actually see me that well which might be part of the problem.

Paraiyar said:

I can't force myself to smile in photos (I just end up looking ridiculous) so I often don't. I also have kept what's written on my profile short because I've noticed that women don't seem to like a ramble at all. I haven't had it up for long and haven't got any replies yet. The photo of me is at the Berlin wall and I think you can't actually see me that well which might be part of the problem.

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I never thought about the smiling thing, for me it is just something I am strongly attracted to. The profile thing is like "Favourite Book" Answer "Don't read". "What do you look for in your ideal partner" Answer "Sexy". I think the profile short sounds fine, just authentic answers and a bio that says what you really want.

How many pics can you upload. The site I used you can have five. I read somewhere that having a few is a good idea. Maybe a close up, a full body and the Berlin Wall one. It is a shame that it seems to work like that, I think the article said that having no photo is a red flag for a lot of people, because they feel that person may be hiding something or from someone (a spouse or partner). That's just what I remember from an article I read a few years ago, how much the advice works I no idea.

Yeah, I probably need to get a close up one.

Serenia, that sounds lovely. I really hope that you'll have a nice time getting to know this guy and I hope that he's good and genuine - you deserve someone good. I'll be here wishing the best for you.

Soooo the date has been set for a while, we are meeting in less than 3 weeks. The more we text and talk it gets better and better, we have some sort of connection/spark.

But now it gets closer, my anxiety levels are going through the roof. What if he is disappointed? Unless he has lied and is a completely different person in real life than the person I have been getting to know, then I can't see any disappointment on my side.

Shall I just look at it as a good evening out and a one off, to help me prepare for him being disappointed in me. Then if it goes well, it is a bonus.

Any thoughts?

Well, you know you like talking to each other. Have you already traded pictures?

I would say don't prepare yourself for disappointment either. I'd say be neutral. I just think that going into something with the expectation of failure makes failure that much more likely. I totally understand not wanting to set yourself up for a fall either, I'm the same way there. But I wouldn't prepare for disappointment. Remember, the number one thing you want is to be relaxed.

Like Lady said, you do deserve to have a good guy in your life. I wish you all the best

If it doesn't go well then it doesn't go well. You just have to meet him and not try and force anything at this point.

Ska - Yeah we have traded a few pics. The ones I sent makes me look better than I do in real life .

Paraiyar - I wish I could just shut off the anxiety before we meet. My problem is that if there is no chemistry and it is a genuine mismatch in person, to me it will still feel like a rejection.

My best friend says I am being silly and I look as nice as the pics. But I don't see that in the mirror I see someone very ugly.

Serenia said:

Ska - Yeah we have traded a few pics. The ones I sent makes me look better than I do in real life .

Paraiyar - I wish I could just shut off the anxiety before we meet. My problem is that if there is no chemistry and it is a genuine mismatch in person, to me it will still feel like a rejection.

My best friend says I am being silly and I look as nice as the pics. But I don't see that in the mirror I see someone very ugly.

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Granted, I have very little understanding of chemistry but I feel like if you can talk really well online, why wouldn't you be able to talk well with them in person? The only reason I could think of would be if you let yourself get nervous.

And I think that a lot of people feel that way about ourselves. We're always thinking we don't look good, but I think that if he liked your pictures he'll most likely enjoy the way you look in real life. I actually think we often look even better in real life than in photos, so you have that advantage

I think that despite the fact you have to be careful and watch out for red flags, if all is good, you should just enjoy the ride and have a good time. If he is gonna have issues with the real you in person, then at least you'll know he's not worth your time anymore and as much as that will suck losing someone like that, it's better that than having it go on for much longer only to be disappointed later.

Try to think of what good might come out of this date. That said, I will say it again, you're beautiful, inside out, Serenia. If he can't see that, he's blind and that's his loss. *hugs* Best of luck.

Thats a point, if he doesn't like me in real life, then he isn't for me. I think that will help the crappy feelings. I do like that he has made references to telling his parents and some plans over the summer. Like I said I won't have any problem as long as he hasn't lied about anything.

Fingers crossed it goes as well as it has online and on the phone. Thank you Ladyf for your kind words I don't see myself like that at all, but if I am not good enough the way I am it is his loss. Hugs back

Serenia said:

Soooo the date has been set for a while, we are meeting in less than 3 weeks. The more we text and talk it gets better and better, we have some sort of connection/spark.

But now it gets closer, my anxiety levels are going through the roof. What if he is disappointed? Unless he has lied and is a completely different person in real life than the person I have been getting to know, then I can't see any disappointment on my side.

Shall I just look at it as a good evening out and a one off, to help me prepare for him being disappointed in me. Then if it goes well, it is a bonus.

Any thoughts?

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Three weeks is a long time to wait! I would have myself worked up into an anxious lather by then
When I was in the online dating world, once I agreed to meet up with someone, we usually did in about a week or two.

Good luck!

-Teresa