In Hopes of Assistance

Hi all,
I guess since I haven't made one yet I'll begin with my introduction as suggested by the forum for new users:
I live in Reno, Nevada, and I'm a fifteen year old boy. I hope that my age is foremostly legally acceptable for this forum (if not please allow me to depart without issue), and I hope no one will view me differently for being younger than what seems to be most users.

I'm here because I've had very low self esteem for a little over a year now. I was doing okay with it before but now that I'm in high school, a different school, I've lost all of my friends and I've become very lonely. I titled my thread "In Hopes of Assistance" because I'm hoping that someone or some people will be able to help me conquer my insecurities and lack of self esteem. They've gradually taken over my life, but I still retain enough of my original self to say "I want to fix this."
I want to get through this as soon as I can, but I do understand it will take time.
I'll try to make my description of my situation as brief as possible. I started high school this year, and I haven't had a whole lot of fun because all but a few of my friends went to different schools, and the ones who didn't abandoned me for the sake of being popular (which sucked). I myself experience extreme difficulty in merely talking to people, much less making friends for a plethora of reasons. First and foremost, I have a mortal terror of offending or upsetting anyone, which is notoriously hard not to do in this day and age. I'm also relatively shy, and I often over-interpret signs from other people that may suggest they are upset with me. However, this makes me literally avoid talking to anyone during my normal day. I hide in various corners of my school and put on a facade of depression to ward off anyone who may want to talk to me (I also believe no one would want to anyways, but inside I know it isn't true)

I have a lot of insecurities, and two that most concern me both concern my physical appearance; I strongly believe I am super fat and super ugly. For the former, it's mainly because I weigh near 170 lbs, and I'm 5'9" (I believe those are the correct notations) which is fairly high for my age and height. As for the latter, I believe it is an unconscious attempt at a reason for my social unpopularity.
I often feel like it is wrong to have a different opinion from someone else because it may elicit a negative reaction from them. Therefore when asked even basic things what my favorite song is, or what my favorite color is, I'm afraid to answer.
Another thing is I'm an extreme perfectionist, and if something I do isn't absolutely perfect, I get really depressed and antisocial. I'd like to be able to overcome this and accept that it is okay to not be perfect. I know it is true, but I have to hear it from someone else. Speaking of which....
I have trouble knowing what is right and what isn't, but I don't mean in the sense of morals, I do have those very clear- I mean I don't know what to believe for basic things. The first example to come to mind is the definition of love. I used to be in a relationship and we were both happy (I mean as far as 8th grade relationships went) but I started reading a book (The Perks of Being a Wallflower) and I read something about love. I don't remember the exact quote, but it was something like "Charlie, love isn't just doing anything for and being nice to someone", and I was instantly questioning myself because this was exactly what I did, and I thought it meant I may not truly love my then-partner. That, in combination with other factors, ended the relationship. What I'm asking for is help in solidifying my own beliefs, instead of letting them be so easily replaced.
Next is just plain confidence. If I had some, it's likely I could overcome all of this. And the funny thing is, is I have my confidence. The problem is it's stuck behind a gate called insecurity. Whenever my confidence is let out, most of my problems are solved. But the minute something prods an insecurity, it just collapses entirely. I'm asking all of you to help me find a way to either destroy my insecurities, figure out how to recover faster, or just deflect said prods. I also need to find out if my physical insecurities are founded or not, so I can decide what degree of action to take on them.

Thank all of you in advance! I've read some other threads before writing my own, and I can see that the people here are great people. I just hope my story may warrant the assistance of those people.
Soleon

Hey there Soleon,

I'll start by saying I think it's really fantastic that at an early age you're wanting to work on things you aren't happy with. That is a great atttude to have early on in life.

One benefit of being in high school is you don't realize how much time you have to yourself. It's a really good time to develop the traits and skills you want to see in yourself.

The weight issue is something you could start work on by going for runs. You can start small and build them up. This will also have physiological effects that will make you feel better. I think this would be a good way to cultivate self-esteem.

Also do you play an instrument? If not then it could be a good way to build self-respect and it gives you something to love and look forward to.

In regards to the shyness issue, maybe it will help if I tell you that the frustration you will more than likely end up experiencing from wondering 'what could have been' as a result of not approaching people wil be far worse in the long run than the short term pain of social rejection. I say this from experience.

Looking at it this way may actually help with your confidence. In truth, you have nothing real to lose from not taking a chance on someone but you could miss out if you don't.

Lastly, you talk about the need for solidifying your own beliefs but personally I think at your age you should be more concerned about learning about as many viewpoints as possible and just letting yourself develop. I'm nearly 25 and my thought process seems to be in a constant process of change. I've learnt to accept that as part of who I am. You sound like a smart guy, you will develop your vision of right and wrong as you get older so don't let it bother you.

Oh and to be honest, I don't think you should be worried about whether you're in love with any girl you date when you're at your age. Just enjoy it while it's there.

Hope this post was of some use anyway.

Thank you for pointing that out to me. I didn't really fully appreciate it, and I do much more now.
Yeah, I've been thinking about that, and I plan to go on runs and bike rides much more often. However, the winter this year is quite brutal. The roads are icy and trails are snowy, which makes it hard to do either. In addition, I injured my knee recently (tore my PCL) and I'm supposed to be out for six weeks. But I will absolutely go for runs, because I enjoy them.
I do play an instrument,several actually, and I'm in band in school. I can definitely say it helps.
Yes, I can see that. Shortly after posting my original message I read a thread about how inaction is the true enemy. I hope do learn to take action now rather than sit it out.
I can understand how that would help. I didn't really consider that I don't have to have a single belief; I could have more than one.
I think that's a good philosophy, and I will try to follow it.
It was of great use, thank you for your help!