Fear of being judged

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BadGuy

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Just wondering if anyone else here has a secret that they not only fear others know about but also how they would be judged
Feeling like I am trying to balance on the tip of a sword ... no win no matter what choices I make from here

Then I start finding out that the people I fear judging me have their own dirty secrets
 
I have secrets that I don't plan to ever tell anyone, but as far as fearing being judged by them....no, not really. While I have no plans to tell anyone a few things that have happened to me or that I've done in my life, I don't fear anyone finding out and I'm not ashamed of them. They are just things that I don't feel others need to know. And no one else will find out what they are, because I'm the only one that knows.
People judge me all the time. Mostly for bullshit reasons, most are petty judgments that they aren't qualified to make because they don't know me. The people that I do tell important "secret" worthy stuff to, I know will never judge me.

People are going to judge you no matter what you do, doesn't matter if they know you or not. That doesn't make those judgments true and they definitely don't define who you are. Your past doesn't define who you are either. You define who you are by what you do with your life, what you choose to believe and how you see yourself. Try not to let other people's judgments hurt you because in the end, they don't really matter as long as you and the people that love you know the truth.
 
Well, yes, we all have secrets. Anyone who tells you different is a lying secret-keeper. :)
As for a fear of being judged I suppose that's the main reason why people keep secrets - why else would you not tell people something about yourself? Your fear of being judged is universal and felt by many others.

-Teresa
 
Honestly most people dont care enough aviut others to give them a second thought. People arent thinking about you , they are thinking about themselves.
 
TheRealCallie said:
People are going to judge you no matter what you do, doesn't matter if they know you or not. That doesn't make those judgments true and they definitely don't define who you are.

Sorry to say that's true. :(

SofiasMami said:
Well, yes, we all have secrets. Anyone who tells you different is a lying secret-keeper. :)
As for a fear of being judged I suppose that's the main reason why people keep secrets - why else would you not tell people something about yourself? Your fear of being judged is universal and felt by many others.

-Teresa

You got that right. And you need to go no farther than this place to see this in action.

delledonne11 said:
Honestly most people dont care enough aviut others to give them a second thought. People arent thinking about you , they are thinking about themselves.

They care enough to go as far as excluding them. Then they go on their way.
 
SofiasMami said:
Well, yes, we all have secrets. Anyone who tells you different is a lying secret-keeper. :)


-Teresa
LOL how true

in the realm of secrets ...mine is in nuclear proportions
 
BeyondShy said:
SofiasMami said:
Well, yes, we all have secrets. Anyone who tells you different is a lying secret-keeper. :)
As for a fear of being judged I suppose that's the main reason why people keep secrets - why else would you not tell people something about yourself? Your fear of being judged is universal and felt by many others.

-Teresa

You got that right. And you need to go no farther than this place to see this in action.

I agree totally. But it's sort of sad because most of us here are mostly anonymous. Many of us don't use our real names (I do though) or reveal much about ourselves other than a few things here and there. I've always thought I get more out of the forum when I'm more open about myself. Sure, people will judge, but that's ok. I'm not a bad person, just a person with problems. Like everyone else :)

-Teresa
 
SofiasMami said:
I agree totally. But it's sort of sad because most of us here are mostly anonymous. Many of us don't use our real names (I do though) or reveal much about ourselves other than a few things here and there. I've always thought I get more out of the forum when I'm more open about myself. Sure, people will judge, but that's ok. I'm not a bad person, just a person with problems. Like everyone else :)

-Teresa

Well, ok.

I won't say anything else. I'll just agree with you.
 
BeyondShy said:
SofiasMami said:
I agree totally. But it's sort of sad because most of us here are mostly anonymous. Many of us don't use our real names (I do though) or reveal much about ourselves other than a few things here and there. I've always thought I get more out of the forum when I'm more open about myself. Sure, people will judge, but that's ok. I'm not a bad person, just a person with problems. Like everyone else :)

-Teresa

Well, ok.

I won't say anything else. I'll just agree with you.

:)

-Teresa
 
People's judgements of you usually reflect who they are rather than who you are. Whatever you do someone will judge you for it, even for stupid little things.
 
Well, let's assume they judge you. Ok, judge me. Now what? If someone judges me and finds me not "worthy" of them, then so be it? They don't pay my bills, they don't get a vote on how i live my life or who i am. Heck with em!
 
I suppose I keep secrets because I know if they were to come out then the people around me would somehow make my secrets all about them. I don't fear judgement; people will judge you no matter what you do.
 
I'd just like to point out that it's not quite that easy to just let your secrets out if the people whom might judge you are actual judges or people who might actually hurt you. Or even secrets that might hurt others unnecessarily.
Sometimes there are secrets that must be kept out of necessity. And not all of us get to choose what our secrets are.

Personally I think if your secrets are so tame that you're simply afraid of what people might think, then you're better off expressing them than not. The harm you'll do to yourself by holding them in outweighs the harm of their judgments.
However, if you know that your secrets carry weight, and someone could be hurt by letting it out, even if that someone is you, sometimes that's just a secret you have to keep.

We all have skeletons in our closets. And I've got quite a few buried in my basement, myself. (Not literally, of course.)
 
It isnt wrong to keep personal info as personal. That isnt keeping secrets per se but just keeping your private life private. We dont have to go around confessing our flaws or old sins to the world. As for what people Think they know about you, who knows? People are gonna think whatever thwy think.
 
delledonne11 said:
Well, let's assume they judge you. Ok, judge me. Now what? If someone judges me and finds me not "worthy" of them, then so be it? They don't pay my bills, they don't get a vote on how i live my life or who i am. Heck with em!

No argument from me here. But their actions towards you could make you feel left out and excluded. You know, like in here.

lifestream said:
I don't fear judgement; people will judge you no matter what you do.

You're right. Take this place for instance.

delledonne11 said:
As for what people Think they know about you, who knows? People are gonna think whatever thwy think.

You're right again. Like in here! Or did I say that already? ;)
 
I don't get it, BeyondShy - you've chosen to reveal very little about yourself here on the forum other than a thread I recall about an ungrateful teenager. Your profile is virtually blank. Or have I missed something?
I suppose it's easier to judge people we hardly know. You could change that in a New York minute, though.

-Teresa
 
SofiasMami said:
I don't get it, BeyondShy - you've chosen to reveal very little about yourself here on the forum other than a thread I recall about an ungrateful teenager. Your profile is virtually blank. Or have I missed something?

Is that so? I guess that's right then because you were the one who said it and you're never wrong. But let's pretend for just a second here that what you said is incorrect. What do I reveal about myself when I'm not asked anything? I'll be here a year come March and the only real enjoyable conversations I have had are with some people I talk to in private messages. Not out here because I'm not part of the little clique in here so all I get is the big freeze from people.

And I have revealed things about myself. I made a thread in the shyness area called My Enemy is Myself where I have brought some things up and sometimes people when they are really bored they come in there and say something. But that hasn't happened for a long time.

I also started a thread back in November inviting everyone in the forum who wanted to view some photo albums I made that I thought they would enjoy. No one could be bothered with it and they intentionally ignored it.

So I did try. It's kind of hard to keep doing it when you do not get any positive results. I am sure you can understand that.

As for my opinion of you, I see that you enjoy yourself here. Some of your posts are helpful and the recipients of them take them in a positive way. So, good job!

SofiasMami said:
I suppose it's easier to judge people we hardly know. You could change that in a New York minute, though.

-Teresa

There you go being right again. You're two for two here. Nothing I can say will measure up but since I am not doing anything else at the moment, I'll try. It is easier to judge people we hardly know. I could not have said it better. I agree 100%. That's because I'm living proof of that statement. I was judged here without you all knowing me.
 
BeyondShy said:
SofiasMami said:
I don't get it, BeyondShy - you've chosen to reveal very little about yourself here on the forum other than a thread I recall about an ungrateful teenager. Your profile is virtually blank. Or have I missed something?

Is that so? I guess that's right then because you were the one who said it and you're never wrong. But let's pretend for just a second here that what you said is incorrect. What do I reveal about myself when I'm not asked anything? I'll be here a year come March and the only real enjoyable conversations I have had are with some people I talk to in private messages. Not out here because I'm not part of the little clique in here so all I get is the big freeze from people.

And I have revealed things about myself. I made a thread in the shyness area called My Enemy is Myself where I have brought some things up and sometimes people when they are really bored they come in there and say something. But that hasn't happened for a long time.

I also started a thread back in November inviting everyone in the forum who wanted to view some photo albums I made that I thought they would enjoy. No one could be bothered with it and they intentionally ignored it.

So I did try. It's kind of hard to keep doing it when you do not get any positive results. I am sure you can understand that.

As for my opinion of you, I see that you enjoy yourself here. Some of your posts are helpful and the recipients of them take them in a positive way. So, good job!

SofiasMami said:
I suppose it's easier to judge people we hardly know. You could change that in a New York minute, though.

-Teresa

There you go being right again. You're two for two here. Nothing I can say will measure up but since I am not doing anything else at the moment, I'll try. It is easier to judge people we hardly know. I could not have said it better. I agree 100%. That's because I'm living proof of that statement. I was judged here without you all knowing me.

while you might think you are revealing chapters about yourself ...I myself feel I try to keep vague enough to protect myself and if somebody asked more detail I am not sure I would give it
I am willing to guess that there is a huge diversity of people here but it also means a lot of different levels of connection and interest

I have never been in the chat area ...again suspect that people in there have closer connections

If you jump on Sophiasmami or anyone like they kicked your dog ....chances are they wont try to get to know you any better
 
BadGuy said:
If you jump on Sophiasmami or anyone like they kicked your dog ....chances are they wont try to get to know you any better

I did not "jump on her." I responded to the things she said. I did not get upset nor did I yell at her or talk to her disrespectfully. If that's what you think then all you are doing is intentionally starting a fight when there is no reason to. You can believe what you want.
 

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