Unrequited Friendship

What have I lost by abandoning the hope of becoming friends with someone?

I have lost the struggle.

Anything else?

Well, not friendship, since that was never there.

Have I gained anything?

Yes, peace of mind. Which, as we all know, is priceless.

I read something recently where in some cases, lonely people put themselves in situations to be more lonely.

Given a group of people, we fix our sights on someone we want attention from, blocking everyone else in the vicinity. By blocking everyone else, we look uninteresting thereby resulting in no one else approaching us as we hope for that one person to give us attention. When that one person doesn't give us attention, then we look at the crowd that never came over because we are so "uninteresting." Then we conclude that no one likes us when we were the ones that shut everyone else out with our tunnel vision.

All we have to do is realize that we can't put ourselves in this trap. We need to keep our opportunities open.

loneliness hurts, but there is a weird comfort in being lonely....isn't it?

M_also_lonely said:

loneliness hurts, but there is a weird comfort in being lonely....isn't it?

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If you're talking about the lack of fear of someone hurting you because you're alone, yes. That's different from comfort though, in my opinion.

Like, what exactly does peace of mind mean? No worries? The belief that everything will be okay? Or both?

Imagine a young family where the wife is in complete peace regardless of all the messes that the kids make, things that are broken, etc.. Why? Because she trusts in the husband to work everything out together.

Regumika said:

Like, what exactly does peace of mind mean?
[...]

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It means equilibrium. It is peace of mind in relation to a situation and within the context of a person's experience.

So, for me, taking a specific course of action has allowed me to be at peace within myself and to exist in harmony with my surroundings,
without being emotionally distracted by someone else.

Regumika said:

If you're talking about the lack of fear of someone hurting you because you're alone, yes. That's different from comfort though, in my opinion.

Like, what exactly does peace of mind mean? No worries? The belief that everything will be okay? Or both?

Imagine a young family where the wife is in complete peace regardless of all the messes that the kids make, things that are broken, etc.. Why? Because she trusts in the husband to work everything out together.

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Well that is also an interpretation. Although I am talking about not worrying about giving 1000 explanations to 1000 people. Because nobody cares. Only we do. You don't have friends waiting for you to go to the party. So you can sleep for the whole day so that you can prepare for the night where you have to sleep again. Worrying about not being worried about life, and not worrying about the worries of life.

M_also_lonely said:

loneliness hurts, but there is a weird comfort in being lonely....isn't it?

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I suppose there is, at least the pressure to socialise doesn't exist.

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M_also_lonely said:

[...] You don't have friends waiting for you to go to the party. [...]

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It hurts knowing that you are nobody's friend.

Well being friend with someone its very nice in life .IN my opinion when you broke up from someone its nice to become friends with that person

the comfort in being lonely is not so much in avoiding pain but avoiding being used....

pain I can handle...it is the intentional manipulation that is so much worse....makes matters worse is that I want to believe in change or maybe I just see things that arent there....a doormat....when they get want they want the responses are immediate....when not it is like you dont exist..

that is what the appeal of isolation has for me

handheart said:

IN my opinion when you broke up from someone its nice to become friends with that person

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Hi - thanks for your reply! However, I'm not sure that you understand the nature of my discussion. I haven't 'broke up' from anyone - I'm talking about a platonic friendship, not a relationship. I made an effort to get to know someone in the hope of becoming friends with them but they didn't reciprocate the friendship.

Alone By Faults said:

when they get want they want the responses are immediate....when not it is like you dont exist..

that is what the appeal of isolation has for me

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This is something I can relate to. It makes sense to me. In this instance, living in isolation is ultimately better for one's peace of mind. One literally isolates or removes oneself from the source of pain.

LonesomeDay said:

Alone By Faults said:

when they get want they want the responses are immediate....when not it is like you dont exist..

that is what the appeal of isolation has for me

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This is something I can relate to. It makes sense to me. In this instance, living in isolation is ultimately better for one's peace of mind. One literally isolates or removes oneself from the source of pain.

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Yup, ever since I became a hermit I have been much more content and at peace. Friendship is nice, but the concept is fading fast in the modern world. People come in, take up space in your head, then leave, resulting in a void. Better to not deal with any of it because honestly, most people have very little to offer anyway.