Long Distance Ex Talking to me again... Arguments, Laughter, Frustration.

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Naizo

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And she's... Well, she's adorable. And friendly. We're not hateful at all. It's just... like... Fire.

Fire. It sparks up and then explodes. And when I say explode I don't mean in any good way.

We always talk for a while... talk about whatever, right? Then we'll get more into it. Decent conversations, thoroughly. In my opinion anyways. Books, films, etcetera. Then I'll make a joke, and it will somehow be an insult to her very being, and of course, I won't even realize it. Then it will explode in my face.


Why is it so hard to tell a man what's wrong in this situation? I mean... it's an honest question. I'm not a threatening guy. Another ex told me I always looked things up on my phone, instead of just accepting her word. So she didn't like to discuss things because I would rather know the truth, and educate us both more?

(Factual Factoid, did you know the legs of arachnids work like hydraulics? Thanks, brain, for getting me dumped. Worth it.)

I know, I'm a ******. Sorry.

But really, I'm not exactly mean looking. Kinda fuzzy, dude. I can't speak for all men, but I can speak for quite a few who've experienced the same situation.

Just -say what you want to say.- "There's nothing more infuriating than being ready to solve any issue you have, only for you to refuse to explain the issue because I must first solve a puzzle, I'm not playing games. I'm ready to solve issues."

You and I being generic uses of either word in this case.



Anyways. We have that spark. I'd kill for her. I'd love to be her friend. I'd love to marry her one day. But if I even hint at the idea of not marrying her RIGHT THEN, I'm dead to her for a few days. What's wrong with waiting a year or two? Before signing your life away to eachother? Come on, dude. I literally refuse to marry anyone I haven't seen nude atleast a couple hundred times. And I don't even mean in a naughty way. On the toilet. I don't care. I want to get to know the person. Thoroughly. Before I promise to SHARE MY LIFE. MY. LIFE. Silly naive girl, I call her. She agrees. Because she's submissive. But not always. She has vast mood swings. Same as me. Mine go from Polite to Punch Walls. Hers, are equally as contrasting. Quiet to Atomic Bomb.

Anyways. I feel like we're both insane. And I truly admire her skills as a writer and her beauty as a human being. But I refuse to be yelled at for who I am every day for forever. And I'm not, myself, any sort of hit and quit kind of guy. I'm very picky and very monogamous, straightforward. Not uptight but, I know what I'm into, you know? I literally would probably build you a grave bare handed at 96, if I was willing to marry you at 21. Trust me.
 
Was this person a former member of this place? That experience sounds very familiar. Except there isn't really that awesome spark.
 
Have you two met in person, or is this just an on-line type relationship?

If you haven't met in person yet, I'd dial things way back until you do.
 
If its this hard right now IMO it wont get easier or better
 
:) Idunno. Sometimes the frustration is worth the smile. But you do have a point. I don't know if she was a former member here or not.
 
some times communicating long distance makes things even harder
jokes ...being a smart ass ...teasing...and context dont always come across clear in text messages or emails
 
Sounds like you're wasting time when you could be looking for an offline relationship.
 
I've tried looking for an offline relationship. I tend to get the "If we hang out, it's just as friends." Line. But thank you for letting me know I'm wasting my time by trying to meet people online. ^.^ Kinda defeats the purpose of this entire forum.
 
Naizo said:
I've tried looking for an offline relationship. I tend to get the "If we hang out, it's just as friends." Line. But thank you for letting me know I'm wasting my time by trying to meet people online. ^.^ Kinda defeats the purpose of this entire forum.

That all depends on what you think is the purpose of this forum. Honest advice, or a kind form of lying to placate your feelings. The advice to find an offline relationship is a valid one. You may disagree, and that is your right, but it's still solid advice.

If I ever tried an online relationship again, it'd have to be with someone close enough for me to visit every week without significant expense. My last one was 3000 miles away, and the only thing I have to show for it is a bunch of airline miles. Also, I could not do the "quiet to atomic bomb" thing. I've been in too many messed up situations to ever consciously try that mixture again. No, thank you.
 
Naizo said:
I've tried looking for an offline relationship. I tend to get the "If we hang out, it's just as friends." Line. But thank you for letting me know I'm wasting my time by trying to meet people online. ^.^ Kinda defeats the purpose of this entire forum.

I didn't say you were wasting time getting to know people on this forum. It looks like you're wasting time with an online relationship that will bring you lots of unhappiness. Casual online friendship is a very different thing than an online relationship in m opinion. The latter is rarely a good thing in the long run. That has been my experience with online romance and I know it has been for most others. Just calling it how I see it.
 
No, I just meant the forum seemed like a place for people to meet and share ideas and advice, yes. And it had helped me do so greatly. Lol. Sorry. I was in a bit of a downward spiral earlier. However, the advice to find an offline relationship may very well -be- a valid one. But you must've completely missed me saying I've tried that, and failed. Not once or twice. A couple handfuls of times. And I'm not just this ugly guy or anything, not by my own standards. Women tell me I'm handsome. But I just don't find myself entering conversation that would lead to anything deeper. The majority of women I know are either dating someone or seriously against even getting into a relationship. So I'm trying this as best as I can with her. I understand, it's my surroundings. Because obviously, there are people interested in what I have. They just so happen to be further away. And my place in life right now doesn't exactly allow me to uproot and just go find a new home and meet new people. Or I would. I've lived in the same place for 21 years. If I don't know the girl, she's definitely too young for me to even talk too.
 
I didn't miss that part of what you said. I just don't think that finding an online relationship is the solution. I think it would just end up giving you a lot of heartache and eventually you would wish you had that time back. That's just based on my experiences, nothing more.
 
Naizo said:
I've tried looking for an offline relationship. I tend to get the "If we hang out, it's just as friends." Line. But thank you for letting me know I'm wasting my time by trying to meet people online. ^.^ Kinda defeats the purpose of this entire forum.

maybe try that approach and see then if something beyond can develope
 
*Sigh* I appreciate you guys, I do. Thank you for your advice. It is good advice, and I will admit that, but I never would've started talking to the girl long distance if I hadn't gone through so many "just friends" scenarios. I don't care if they don't mean it as an insult, I would rather be told to hang myself. When I clearly state my interest and I get shot down with that line, I'm more likely to not bother spending time on them at all. Because 9/10 they abuse that attraction of mine to get things from me. So if it's not mutual from the start, I'm not wasting -that- time on a girl in real life. I'm about 50$ short from helping a girl get her dog back from a thief. I did the just friends thing. Months later, nothing. She ate all the chicken in my microwave chinese food, too. Selfish. It wasn't cute. She said she didn't want any, and then ate only the chicken. fresia her. I don't let people use me. Talk down to me. Or treat me as less than I am. So if I'm not seen as something they want then I'm not going to be an option later. End of that story.
 
Whether it's online isn't the issue. Been there, done that, would never do it again. But it can work sometimes.

But to me, it seems like a bit of a toxic relationship. She seems insecure. If what you say is true and she acts submissive most of the time, but then lashes out, that's a problem, because she's likely bottling up her feelings and then letting them go. My mom is like that, my ex was a bit like that too. It makes overcoming the issues you have in your relationship near impossible, because the only time you will have a full conversation about them you will be too emotionally charged to take it in.

If you continue this relationship, you need to overcome that problem.
 
I like younger men.....I can't help it...., But so far they only break my heart. I've recently had to let someone go. A younger "husband" who just needs to grow up in life. Me too and I won't tell you my age....I'm attractive I know to a lot of men....some half my age....only babies. It sounds like this girl is very immature to blow up so easily....probably need to experience life a little or a lot more. There are reasons to get that mad though.....but if you can't even talk because every other words is a reason to get mad then that will cause problems. Look around....take your time. Your only 21 and most marriages don't work out these days. You need someone compatible and it doesn't sound like she is.
 

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