If I feel that most people are evil or vile at heart...

does that mean that the problem lies with me?

One chooses what type of people gravitate towards them. If my mental outlook is to look out or take precautions because I might get hurt or stolen.

Does this mean that I would do the same or worse to people if given the chance?


This last year plus has been an eye opener in relationships and the world in general...it is a much more evil and non caring place than I thought it was......

maybe it is just a sign to myself that I need to be a better person and then the world would not only look better but better people would be attracted to me....

I would say that the problem does lie with you. You choose how you see the world and the people in it. But that doesn't mean you will be the same as them, because you also choose how you treat people. Pick people that you like to be around you, everyone has bad in them, but everyone also has good in them.

No, I don't think the problem lies with you. The world is often cruel and uncaring towards our existence and that's usually a highly impersonal experience.

While I think that trying to be a better person is a very worthy goal, it doesn't necessarily follow that it will make the world seem a brighter place or that you'll find yourself surrounded by nicer people all of a sudden. However, it will give you some peace of mind, which will make life a little easier for you.

Most people aren't evil, but the ones who are don't depend on how you choose to see them to be objectively evil.

Xpendable said:

Most people aren't evil, but the ones who are don't depend on how you choose to see them to be objectively evil.

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Well yeah, there are some truly evil people out there. Psychopaths and what have you. But a lot of times, just because someone appears to be evil doesn't mean that they really are. You just saw the wrong side of them, at the wrong time. Everyone has two sides...or more.

I don't know if this was directed at my comment or not, but I was referring to 'regular' people, not psychos.

Evil people aren't regular people. A better word would be malicious.

Xpendable said:

Evil people aren't regular people. A better word would be malicious.

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Same could be said about the word hate. Most of the time you don't actually "hate" the people you say you hate. You just use the word for emphasis or lack of a better word or something like that.

Alone By Faults said:

does that mean that the problem lies with me?

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The problem does NOT lie with you. The entire basis of criminal law is that people do bad things to innocent people. Does that mean they somehow asked for it?

I am going to say it.. I think the truth is that a full 80% of people are evil. Perhaps 30% of that are downright horrific but, the vast majority of people today are horrible and vile. Whenever I meet people lately it only takes a little of knowing them to see their vile nature. It is rare, completely rare, to find someone who is truly good. Sometimes I think the crushing horror of it all is going to crush me. I wish I could "unsee" it. But I can't.

it is a much more evil and non caring place than I thought it was......

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Yes... I really wish I could go to planet reality where I could find others that also shared my view. But the world *is* a scary place. That isn't to say there aren't great people out there and under strained circumstances that people cannot surprise you but most of the time, man is capable of horror on fellow humans in the most mudane of circumstances. I feel like I know this and take precautions and, for the most part, I might have not had some experiences but I also haven't had a ton of bad ones. I think you have to stop buying the hype that people are good and you can trust them. You mostly can't once you accept that and act accordingly things will be better and you won't attract as much.

Why would viewing most people as evil or vile at heart automatically be a problem? There are people who've been kicked around by all manner of people their whole lives for no good reason - who am I to judge? To them, most people are evil or vile. Perhaps this view gives them some wisdom to avoid being taken advantage of.
If you find yourself unable to make a connection with anyone at all because of this view, then you might want to look inward.
But if you've consistently encountered malicious people, it would be a mistake to flog yourself for thinking poorly of others.

-Teresa

LonelySutton said:

Alone By Faults said:

does that mean that the problem lies with me?

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The problem does NOT lie with you. The entire basis of criminal law is that people do bad things to innocent people. Does that mean they somehow asked for it?

I am going to say it.. I think the truth is that a full 80% of people are evil. Perhaps 30% of that are downright horrific but, the vast majority of people today are horrible and vile. Whenever I meet people lately it only takes a little of knowing them to see their vile nature. It is rare, completely rare, to find someone who is truly good. Sometimes I think the crushing horror of it all is going to crush me. I wish I could "unsee" it. But I can't.

it is a much more evil and non caring place than I thought it was......

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Yes... I really wish I could go to planet reality where I could find others that also shared my view. But the world *is* a scary place. That isn't to say there aren't great people out there and under strained circumstances that people cannot surprise you but most of the time, man is capable of horror on fellow humans in the most mudane of circumstances. I feel like I know this and take precautions and, for the most part, I might have not had some experiences but I also haven't had a ton of bad ones. I think you have to stop buying the hype that people are good and you can trust them. You mostly can't once you accept that and act accordingly things will be better and you won't attract as much.

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Preach sister, if you were a man I would marry you.

I rarely fit in even growing up in schools..conversations to kill time just seemed foreign

so as grew older and away from family...the world seemed to get colder with each passing year....I do not fit in many people's performance based parameters and as a result I have allowed it to make me bitter, and alone.

I realize the path that I would like to trod upon but it starts from within...maybe a tinge of mental illness to boot...

Last trip down memory lane for this post....last point in my life where I had a long term relationship rupture and people went performance based on me....I was alone for a series of holidays during the winter.....I whined to the ex about it and she said well even if I think she is a bad person that not everyone I know is and that you are alone for a reason and I am that reason....

I am becoming convinced that she is correct

I don't believe we choose what type of people come into our lives, only which ones we allow in. We don't make up the minds of manipulators, perverts, criminals, and other trash, they make up their own minds to do what they do and select people who look either weak or appealing, depending.

I recently had to leave a gaming group over drama, because one of the married men I played with started turning things sexual in private and I didn't think to take screenshots for evidence when I refused to play around him anymore, until after the chat logs were gone. I didn't want his attention and I don't look at my friendships as a way to get sexy chat behind my spouse's back. But he still did what he did, because he's him and not me.

If you can't tell the difference between the bad ones and the good ones with time or don't refuse them, then yes it's a personal thing.

Tealeaf said:

I don't believe we choose what type of people come into our lives, only which ones we allow in. We don't make up the minds of manipulators, perverts, criminals, and other trash, they make up their own minds to do what they do and select people who look either weak or appealing, depending.

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I do agree that horrible people look for people to let them in and hurt them. One blog I read XO Jane amazes me. The number of women harassed, attacked, drugged... but, imho each and every case where I would have not done something, the person did with an naivete' that I don't think I have ever had.

I think my parents were very guarded as a child. They wouldn't tell us why but they didn't really let us out with just anyone. As a kid they wouldn't let my brother stay over his coaches house the night before a meet. They were very selective on who's home they would let me stay over at. In general they didn't let us go with people without supervision. Both my brother and I were alter boy and girl and if we had a mass or something with the Preist, they went to the mass and were waiting for us right after.

Thank god for them. People say I have trust issues and maybe I do but I can't help but think... thank god. And also I think just my reactions to things tell horrible people they aren't going to get far with me.

Society couldn’t function if a majority of people were abusers of some variety. Decent people carry the burden and deal with the fallout, either in the personal dealings or as taxpayers.

ardour said:

Society couldn’t function if a majority of people were abusers of some variety. Decent people carry the burden and deal with the fallout, either in the personal dealings or as taxpayers.

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Yeah, I definitely don't think the majority fall into that category, just enough to cause a lot of issues.

All you have to do is read the news and moreso the comments to see how nasty people can be. I guess there are good people out there but I'm still watching my back.....

I don't really believe in applying the concepts of good and evil to people in most cases, but I do believe that the amount of empathetic people is much smaller than the amount of people who are just in it for themselves. I don't think it's your fault. It's true, certain types of people might gravitate towards us more than others, but ultimately we don't choose who enters our lives.

I just think it's how our society is built up. Think about it. What do parents and teachers do to their kids when they're bad? They punish them. What do the major religions say happens to you when you sin? You go to hell. Our morality is not based on caring for other people or thinking about how our actions affect them in most cases. It's based on selfish reasons. We're taught if you're good, you're rewarded, if you're bad, you're punished. But let's face it, karma is bullshit. That's not how the world works. So people will do bad things, as long as they can get away with it. Most people don't truly regret the bad things they do, the way they hurt people, they just want to avoid the consequences of their actions. They'll apologise to a friend or a lover because they are afraid that they will lose them if they don't, not because they feel bad for hurting them. That said, there are some genuinely good people out there. People who will legitimately care about you. You just need to find them

Most people are vile and evil at heart. This is not a new revelation, since most of the world's religions figured it out from the very start, and history has shown that humans are irredeemable.

The only difference is by degrees. In a society where evil is encouraged and ignorance is strength, the worst elements of humanity are inevitably the most prominent, and what decency exists in the world is suppressed. If you know and accept that humanity is inherently evil, and that evil should not be self-perpetuating, then the worst of humanity can be relieved. There is an argument that even trying to preserve humanity is itself a sinister end, but any appeal to nature argument must be thrown out immediately.

If you want to find good in the world, forget about humanity. Humanism is a dead end.

I should also mention that society has been built largely on human exploitation. The long history of slavery, and the present exploitation of human labor, suggests that a society of abusers isn't just viable, but that we are all held together by exactly that.

It is important not to bear a heavy burden upon yourself, take comfort in the fact that a problem shared is a problem halved. An entire building is not supported by a single beam.
You have many friends on here willing to help you, and lonely people are usually the kindest because we empathize with you. And we are going to be able to help you, it is better to be a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one. Here we understand you have been victimized and blame should go to where blame is due and that is not you. We will help you discern whether the ones you are acquainted with are really your friends. It is my intent to help you as I help myself. Personally I have to analyze where my problem is such as making friends: where and how. Or how to keep the friends I have. I do have trust issues therefore there is only one place I like to go to meet people and associate with those I trust. Meetup groups are also a good idea, Achillies International is a great meetup group. If anything this site and other groups allow me to practice taking an interest in others to have friends you must first be a friend.

MentatsGhoul said:

I don't really believe in applying the concepts of good and evil to people in most cases, but I do believe that the amount of empathetic people is much smaller than the amount of people who are just in it for themselves.

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I usually can’t stand ‘humanity is degenerate’ statements, makes me side-eye people who say this sort of thing, it says as much about them feeling superior and somehow separate and above-it-all. But I feel this is true too, there’s a large portion of society, if not an outright majority who seem to lack empathy and view others as tools for their own happiness. For example look at the divorce statistics, along with prominent celebrities or politicians who discard their ex-partners as if they were nothing but a used piece of tissue paper, thinking their fans or the electorate won’t care (which they don’t).

For such people everything, including relationships, is transactional.