Loneliness is illness, isn't it? IT IS

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AlexChristy

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Ok, I suck at English, but I don't suck at trying to make people a little bit positive and happier.
Here we are, on A Lonely Life, why are we here? Because we are alone.
Is it a good state of mind?
No, it is not.
If you were alone and happy, you won't join this community, because the fact that you are here means that you don't want to stay alone, so you made a decision to join this community.
Thereby, you don't want to be alone.
What is loneliness? Illness.
To get rid of loneliness - would it be a good idea? I think, it would. What about you?
But before you start talking about how to get rid of loneliess we have to determine what it is.
As for me, loneliness is a lack of communication.
The less you express yourself, the more alone you are.
The less the amount of people you are talking to every day, the more lonely you are.
Let's do the math. Here is the formula.

The level of your loneliness is about the quantity and the quality.
What do I mean?

Here is Bob. Every day he talks to 30 persons. They aren't his friends, just coworkers, but he cames back home, turns on TV and lies in the bad. He feels good. He doesn't want to join converations at A Lonely Life. He doesn't need it.

Why isn't he lonely? Because he has a lot of communication and networking in his life. It's not about quality, it's about quantity.

Ok, here is Barbara, she-is-stay at home mom. The only person she speaks to every day is her mother. She spends hours in front of her iPhone talking to her mother via Skype.

Does she feel alone? She does. Why? Her conversation is about quality, not about quantity. This amount of communication cannot make her happy. She still feels lonely.

The amount of communication a person needs every day varies from person to person. So you and only you have to determine this amount. But it should be about quality and quantity. Your mother - is quantity, your coworkers - is quality.

Would you like to get rid of loneliness instantly? I know how to do that. How? Join MLM company. I'm not kidding. Probably, you won't make money, but you'll become happier and happier. The amount of communication will increase dramatically. Moreover, you'll have a sponsor, who will be interested in your success.

Ok, a few days ago I took part in business building seminar, which was conducted by one MLM company. I am not a fan of multi-level marketing business, but I'm sure: the only alone person in that hall was me. I visited it just for fun.

I understand that 99% of them will never make money, but until they are there, they don't have time to be alone.

If you think that loneliness is not illness, you are wrong. It's not a comfortable state of mind. A person in a depression, in an anxiety cannot be happy.

I saw here threads about Facebook. A guy said, it's a crappy website, because his freidns aren't interested in his life. It surprises me.

You are responsible for everything what's happenning in your life. You must take 100% responsibility for everything in your life.

If your friends are "fake friends" - it is because of you, and not because of them.

If you feel alone, it's because of you, and not because of other people who are not interested in your life.

They are not interested, because you are not interesting.

Nobody is interested in my life, because I'm not interesting. It's the truth.

By the way, the only question I have to you is do you think that loneliness is illness, or do you feel comfortable being alone?

Sorry for my sucking English.
 
AlexChristy said:
Ok, I suck at English, but I don't suck at trying to make people a little bit positive and happier.
Here we are, on A Lonely Life, why are we here? Because we are alone.

Not true for everybody.

Is it a good state of mind?
No, it is not.
If you were alone and happy, you won't join this community, because the fact that you are here means that you don't want to stay alone, so you made a decision to join this community.

Not true again for everybody. I think plenty of people (including myself) on here are happy. For some people this is a place to chat with people from different countries.

Thereby, you don't want to be alone.
What is loneliness? Illness.
To get rid of loneliness - would it be a good idea? I think, it would. What about you?
But before you start talking about how to get rid of loneliess we have to determine what it is.
As for me, loneliness is a lack of communication.
The less you express yourself, the more alone you are.
The less the amount of people you are talking to every day, the more lonely you are.
Let's do the math. Here is the formula.

The level of your loneliness is about the quantity and the quality.
What do I mean?

Here is Bob. Every day he talks to 30 persons. They aren't his friends, just coworkers, but he cames back home, turns on TV and lies in the bad. He feels good. He doesn't want to join converations at A Lonely Life. He doesn't need it.

Why isn't he lonely? Because he has a lot of communication and networking in his life. It's not about quality, it's about quantity.

Ok, here is Barbara, she-is-stay at home mom. The only person she speaks to every day is her mother. She spends hours in front of her iPhone talking to her mother via Skype.

Does she feel alone? She does. Why? Her conversation is about quality, not about quantity. This amount of communication cannot make her happy. She still feels lonely.

The amount of communication a person needs every day varies from person to person. So you and only you have to determine this amount. But it should be about quality and quantity. Your mother - is quantity, your coworkers - is quality.

Would you like to get rid of loneliness instantly? I know how to do that. How? Join MLM company. I'm not kidding. Probably, you won't make money, but you'll become happier and happier. The amount of communication will increase dramatically. Moreover, you'll have a sponsor, who will be interested in your success.

Ok, a few days ago I took part in business building seminar, which was conducted by one MLM company. I am not a fan of multi-level marketing business, but I'm sure: the only alone person in that hall was me. I visited it just for fun.



I understand that 99% of them will never make money, but until they are there, they don't have time to be alone.



If you think that loneliness is not illness, you are wrong. It's not a comfortable state of mind. A person in a depression, in an anxiety cannot be happy.

I saw here threads about Facebook. A guy said, it's a crappy website, because his freidns aren't interested in his life. It surprises me.

You are responsible for everything what's happenning in your life. You must take 100% responsibility for everything in your life.

You are preaching here.

If your friends are "fake friends" - it is because of you, and not because of them.

I'm not sure that applies to everybody

If you feel alone, it's because of you, and not because of other people who are not interested in your life.

They are not interested, because you are not interesting.

Not true. Some people who are shy are very interesting and have interesting hobbies. They are just quiet people who don't like the centre of attention.

Nobody is interested in my life, because I'm not interesting. It's the truth.

By the way, the only question I have to you is do you think that loneliness is illness, or do you feel comfortable being alone?

I am happy by myself and I always like the company of others. I am happy either way.

Sorry for my sucking English.
 
For me it is definitely not about quantity. I simply need a few close people i trust and can be myself with, and i won't be lonely. Some less close friends/aqcuintances/whatever would enrich my life, that much is true. But no, i have to disagree on that quantity goes over quality, at least from my personal experiences.
 
Loneliness is not an illness, however the things that often cause loneliness are. Loneliness is a side effect.
Quality is always better than quantity in the long run. Your examples don't give a lot of insight, because a stay at home mom only talking to her mother will be lonely because she has no one else. Your guy with a job does talk to more people, but again, if he is okay with himself, that has nothing to do with how many friends he has, it has to do with how he handles everything in his life.

I only have a few close friends and I'm perfectly fine being alone.
 
If your friends are "fake friends" - it is because of you, and not because of them.

How so?

They are not interested, because you are not interesting.

... or maybe I don't need to call attention to myself. Many individuals aren't compelled to put on a show, so to speak. And the people who do? They can become tiresome very quickly. I also have to say that having encountered a fair amount of people over the years, very few actually made an impression on me. This logic doesn't work because what qualifies for me as "interesting" may bore another person.

But to answer your question... quality wins out every time. I'm satisfied with one or two people who understand my perspective or share my interests. Ten or fifteen people with vastly different personalities or interests can cause just as much loneliness as no one at all. Quite frankly, I don't know if I can even handle more than a few friends.
 
No, I don't think loneliness is an illness and I don't I feel sick being alone, but I do worry about my mind turning to pulp when I don't interact with the world to some degree. I deal with about 6-8 colleagues at work on a daily basis and this or any higher quantity does not and never will satisfy me. I can live with myself not being interesting to the majority of people because that feeling is mutual. Most of them aren't really into my nihilistic ways which is no surprise. Therefore I'll avoid outside-of-work interaction and also because I find the continuous physical presense of many people very exhausting which the latest birthday party I had to attend proved once more. I choose my interactions carefully, one or two trustworthy and reasonable people I can actually relate to is what I prefer any given day.

I wonder if Bob is actually happy because of his quantitive interaction or because he can finally escape people after work is out so he can spend some quality time alone.
 
Communication and networking is great for trying to move forward and be productive. I don't personally feel like it's a "cure" to the "illness" that is loneliness.

Being alone and lonely are completely different things to me. Once in awhile, they meet up for coffee to really upset me. But for the most part, I have felt completely myself when I am alone. But when surrounded by others, I can't trust myself to be completely me. Thus, I am much lonelier around others.

My own loneliness comes from feeling unsettled. It doesn't matter who comes into my life or who I kick out of it, I walk around with that unsettled feeling. It is because I do not really know what I want, what I need or what I can offer other people. What I offer myself tends to be crap, and I don't want to offer that to potential friends.

I do not have the option of not interacting with people. So I over do it, just to feel more productive. I live in a small town, so it's not weird for me to strike up a conversation with some random person. But there are very few conversations that I find satisfying.

Perhaps Bob feels good about his position in his job. He feels accomplished. He feels like an asset. I can tell you that in my old job, I talked to many people every day. But I felt the opposite. I was happy to go home and have some alone time though :rolleyes2:
 
Loneliness is not an illness because it's not a medical disorder. What would a Doctor prescribe?

"Here's a prescription for a date tonight with a suitable candidate, followed up with drinks where you'll meet up with hired members of 'Instant Friends, Inc.', the organization dedicated to giving lonely people like you the impression that you have a large circle of friends. Unfortunately, insurance won't cover this, so this will have to be out of pocket. Good luck."
 
reynard_muldrake said:
If your friends are "fake friends" - it is because of you, and not because of them.

How so?

Once more: you and only you are responsible for everything what's happening in your life.

It may be difficult to understand, but right now I'm sitting in front of my notebook and typing this message. This is my choice. Noone cares about me. I am responsible for that. My thoughts and my actions brought me in this position.

I could go outside, buy a flower and give it to a stranger. Probably, we would have become friends. But I don't have such a friend. So who is responsible - me or that nonexistent friend? Me, of course.

I'm living in one of the poorest countries in the world, covered by war, by the way.

Who's responsibility is this? Probably, you think, the goverment of my country is responsible for this situation. The truth is I AM RESPONSIBLE. I could make lots of money, move abroad. I could create a new Facebook, or successfully trade stocks, or develop a start-up and move to Silicon valley, or become a youtube star.

But I'm sitting here and typing this message.

So who is responsible? Govermnent? Friends? Сircumstances? I AM.

My English is bad (actually, I don't know how bad it is, but I am a writer in my first language, so i know what good writing skills are). Who's responsibility is it? Maybe, my teacher is responsible? Or my parents? I am.

reynard_muldrake said:
If your friends are "fake friends" - it is because of you, and not because of them.

How so?

Now you know the answer.
 
AlexChristy said:
reynard_muldrake said:
If your friends are "fake friends" - it is because of you, and not because of them.

How so?

Once more: you and only you are responsible for everything what's happening in your life.

It may be difficult to understand, but right now I'm sitting in front of my notebook and typing this message. This is my choice. Noone cares about me. I am responsible for that. My thoughts and my actions brought me in this position.

I could go outside, buy a flower and give it to a stranger. Probably, we would have become friends. But I don't have such a friend. So who is responsible - me or that nonexistent friend? Me, of course.

I'm living in one of the poorest countries in the world, covered by war, by the way.

Who's responsibility is this? Probably, you think, the goverment of my country is responsible for this situation. The truth is I AM RESPONSIBLE. I could make lots of money, move abroad. I could create a new Facebook, or successfully trade stocks, or develop a start-up and move to Silicon valley, or become a youtube star.

But I'm sitting here and typing this message.

So who is responsible? Govermnent? Friends? Сircumstances? I AM.

My English is bad (actually, I don't know how bad it is, but I am a writer in my first language, so i know what good writing skills are). Who's responsibility is it? Maybe, my teacher is responsible? Or my parents? I am.

reynard_muldrake said:
If your friends are "fake friends" - it is because of you, and not because of them.

How so?

Now you know the answer.

Well yeah, of course we do ourselves a disservice if we continue to keep around friends who mistreat us. You seemed to be implying that someone automatically deserved "fake friends". It's often difficult to identify that type of person right away, as you may know. Overall, you need to place blame on the bad friends and not the person who suffers.
 
Loneliness isn't an illness in itself but I feel like it could cause a psychosomatic illness.
 

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