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MentatsGhoul

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I'll try to keep this as short as possible, though, it's sort of hard to stop me from talking about myself (seeing as so few people ever ask so I rarely get the chance)

There's this certain type of guy. We all know at least one, if not more. There tends to be one in every club you join, every class you take, every workplace, your extended family. He seems nice enough, or at least, there's nothing he has really done that's particularly terrifying to you, yet you feel uncomfortable around him. Like, there's something off about him. Maybe it's his appearance, perhaps his messy hair or his large height or the clothes he wears. Maybe it's because he rarely talks to people first, and when he does, he seems kinda awkward, kinda out of place. Maybe it's his voice, his weird sense of humour (or in some cases, lack of any sense of humour at all). You're not really sure what it is, but there's something about him that's just sending you red flags. At worst, you'll go out of your way to avoid him, at best, you'll maybe WANT to give him a shot, but you just don't know how to go about talking to a guy like that, so you don't.

So in case you couldn't tell where I was going with that ramble... I am that one guy. Always have been. So here's my secret, in case you wanna know. The truth is... I'm actually a pretty average guy. Yep, not a serial killer, I don't have a shrine to some attractive girl I barely know in my basement, not involved in organised crime, nothing of the sort.
The truth is, even I am not quite sure what it is that's wrong with me. I'm really not as mysterious and creepy as I seem at first glance. I'm into the same things most introverted guys in university, a bit less than two months away from their 20th birthday, are into. Video games, some anime every now and again, TV shows. I am writing a book though, but it's coming along slowly. So basically, aside from the fact I have no social life, a relatively average second year university student.

So why am I on this forum, aside from it being obvious that I'm not a person with many friends to anyone who has spent more than 10 seconds in my presence? Well, I have no idea what to do with my life, and I have no one to really ask. The truth is, I'm terrified for my life.
I've always been a bit messed up, and I've had depression since I was 14. About a year and a half ago though, things were looking up. I was in a very happy relationship (my first one in fact) with a girl who I, at the time, thought was perfect, aside from the fact that it was long distance. We were together for 9 months. And then something I never expected to deal with happened, that I won't go into detail about here, and we had to break up.
And THAT was when I realised how truly screwed up my life is. No friends (literally none, except a couple of online friends), rapidly developing alcoholism, hating the degree I'm doing, and having no coping mechanisms aside from drinking and escaping reality through games. I'm not gonna lie, I've had a few very close calls with my life even this year because of that.
So I've tried, I've tried really hard, to make things right this year. I did my best with my new flat mates, went out every time they invited me, tried to make jokes and be relaxed. But about 3 months in, they dropped me for good, for no reason I know of, and now i just sit in my dorm while they party in the kitchen with their friends. I tried being more talkative and open to people in class, I tried joining some clubs with people who actually have common interests with me. But that didn't lead anywhere. And now, a year into trying to rebuild my life... I'm just lost. I have no idea how to save myself any more, and it sure as hell doesn't look like anyone cares enough to help me, at least not anyone who can.

So, that, in a nutshell, is my story and who I am. Heh, still ended up turning this post into a novel. Probably part of the reason I have no friends, I never talk and when I do, I don't shut up. Anyway, if you got through all that... hi I guess. Hope you're having a good day. If not, hope the rest of it is better.
 
MentatsGhoul said:
I'll try to keep this as short as possible, though, it's sort of hard to stop me from talking about myself (seeing as so few people ever ask so I rarely get the chance)

There's this certain type of guy. We all know at least one, if not more. There tends to be one in every club you join, every class you take, every workplace, your extended family. He seems nice enough, or at least, there's nothing he has really done that's particularly terrifying to you, yet you feel uncomfortable around him. Like, there's something off about him. Maybe it's his appearance, perhaps his messy hair or his large height or the clothes he wears. Maybe it's because he rarely talks to people first, and when he does, he seems kinda awkward, kinda out of place. Maybe it's his voice, his weird sense of humour (or in some cases, lack of any sense of humour at all). You're not really sure what it is, but there's something about him that's just sending you red flags. At worst, you'll go out of your way to avoid him, at best, you'll maybe WANT to give him a shot, but you just don't know how to go about talking to a guy like that, so you don't.

So in case you couldn't tell where I was going with that ramble... I am that one guy. Always have been. So here's my secret, in case you wanna know. The truth is... I'm actually a pretty average guy. Yep, not a serial killer, I don't have a shrine to some attractive girl I barely know in my basement, not involved in organised crime, nothing of the sort.
The truth is, even I am not quite sure what it is that's wrong with me. I'm really not as mysterious and creepy as I seem at first glance. I'm into the same things most introverted guys in university, a bit less than two months away from their 20th birthday, are into. Video games, some anime every now and again, TV shows. I am writing a book though, but it's coming along slowly. So basically, aside from the fact I have no social life, a relatively average second year university student.

So why am I on this forum, aside from it being obvious that I'm not a person with many friends to anyone who has spent more than 10 seconds in my presence? Well, I have no idea what to do with my life, and I have no one to really ask. The truth is, I'm terrified for my life.
I've always been a bit messed up, and I've had depression since I was 14. About a year and a half ago though, things were looking up. I was in a very happy relationship (my first one in fact) with a girl who I, at the time, thought was perfect, aside from the fact that it was long distance. We were together for 9 months. And then something I never expected to deal with happened, that I won't go into detail about here, and we had to break up.
And THAT was when I realised how truly screwed up my life is. No friends (literally none, except a couple of online friends), rapidly developing alcoholism, hating the degree I'm doing, and having no coping mechanisms aside from drinking and escaping reality through games. I'm not gonna lie, I've had a few very close calls with my life even this year because of that.
So I've tried, I've tried really hard, to make things right this year. I did my best with my new flat mates, went out every time they invited me, tried to make jokes and be relaxed. But about 3 months in, they dropped me for good, for no reason I know of, and now i just sit in my dorm while they party in the kitchen with their friends. I tried being more talkative and open to people in class, I tried joining some clubs with people who actually have common interests with me. But that didn't lead anywhere. And now, a year into trying to rebuild my life... I'm just lost. I have no idea how to save myself any more, and it sure as hell doesn't look like anyone cares enough to help me, at least not anyone who can.

So, that, in a nutshell, is my story and who I am. Heh, still ended up turning this post into a novel. Probably part of the reason I have no friends, I never talk and when I do, I don't shut up. Anyway, if you got through all that... hi I guess. Hope you're having a good day. If not, hope the rest of it is better.
 
MentatsGhoul said:
I'll try to keep this as short as possible, though, it's sort of hard to stop me from talking about myself (seeing as so few people ever ask so I rarely get the chance)

There's this certain type of guy. We all know at least one, if not more. There tends to be one in every club you join, every class you take, every workplace, your extended family. He seems nice enough, or at least, there's nothing he has really done that's particularly terrifying to you, yet you feel uncomfortable around him. Like, there's something off about him. Maybe it's his appearance, perhaps his messy hair or his large height or the clothes he wears. Maybe it's because he rarely talks to people first, and when he does, he seems kinda awkward, kinda out of place. Maybe it's his voice, his weird sense of humour (or in some cases, lack of any sense of humour at all). You're not really sure what it is, but there's something about him that's just sending you red flags. At worst, you'll go out of your way to avoid him, at best, you'll maybe WANT to give him a shot, but you just don't know how to go about talking to a guy like that, so you don't.

So in case you couldn't tell where I was going with that ramble... I am that one guy. Always have been

I could relate to most of that. Welcome to the forum.
 

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