Longing for love despite knowing it's the worst thing I could do right now

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

h3donist

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 1, 2015
Messages
403
Reaction score
1
Location
Birmingham, UK
As some of you know I'm nearly finished with my ex wife. I left her after 10 years of a loveless, intimacyless (we slept in seperate rooms ffs!) and horrendous relationship in March last year. The divorce came through in January and the house is nearly sold which will sever all ties with her. Besides which she's moved on and is engaged to another man already so there's no doubt that it's a done deal.

She had been my first and only girlfriend, I met aged 25 and I had nobody before that. She didn't love me - that was clear but it took ten years for me to summon up the courage to end it - she pretty much used me as a bank, taxi driver, emotional and physical punchbag and general dogsbody. So I'm now 35, and if I'm honest with myself, I've never actually ever been in love - because she never loved me. The relationship was based on fear and dependancy.

I vowed to myself last year that I'd never enter a relationship again without being sure it was the exactly the right one for me, and I've so far enjoyed being single, the freedom of being able to go anywhere and do anything without someone constantly whinging that I wasn't doing exactly what she wanted me to do (or indeed actually doing what she wanted me to do, which made me a "weak useless doormat and she wishes I was a real man - whatever that's supposed to mean")

I have big plans, travelling, going on holiday with friends, seeing my family more etc. Yet I still find myself yearning for the things that people in good relationships have - someone to hold hands with, hug, kiss and enjoy being with. It's the classic "grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" scenario which I understand - we always yearn for the unobtainable.

So this constant battle between head, heart and libido (not helped by the fact that I'm pretty much the only single person I know) is doing my head in. I want to be loved, but I'm scared of it at the same time in case I end up in another abusive relationship. I want to be free to do all the stuff I'm doing, yet the thought of going home to a meal for one and a cold empty bed fills me with loneliness.

I know I want to be free to go travelling and do whatever I want to do - but struggling to deal with being single I guess.

Gahhhh!!

No question really just a brain dump.
 
Gee man, not sure what to say other than I'm really sorry you had to put up with that hag for 10 years...
 
*hugs*

I'm not exactly sure what to say that would be useful for you right now, but I hope you'll have the strength and patience to keep going despite the struggle with being single. I suppose it's sucky, but looking at it from another perspective, I feel like it is something you should celebrate and enjoy for yourself before you think of entering another relationship or anything in relation to it.

Good luck though, h3donist. Take care.
 
Been there. Done that. Lived it exactly as you described. Do yourself a big favor. Read lots of books about 'healthy' relationships before attempting another one. Nearly a decade ago, when I stood exactly where you are now, I had no idea just how damaged and warped my ten years of Hell had made me. I was no good to anyone without some serious re-learning on how to be healthy, psychologically and emotionally.
 
Hey fight for your life sart being afraid that you will mmet another person,like your wife .And if you meet its not a problem at least you learn something etc .But if you stay alone and you are afrid to have anew relationhip you will go old and no family
 

Latest posts

Back
Top