Hello fellows , i'm 18 almost 19. (forgive my bad english, live in brasil)
I'm a bit unburden here.
Well , I realised it in my childhood in kindergarden with 4 years, I was always alone in my corner with my fantasy imagination and watching the other kids playing , having "fun" , always when one of them was alone , other kid came to stay with them , but not with me but this really dont bother me.
I've been all my childhoon in my house playing my videogames and watching cartoons and sometimes I saw kids in the street playing soccer while smiling.
In my house i've been always alone too because my parents worked all day and I spent my days alone in my house since I was 7. I loved it !
Sometimes I've been in my grandma for watching more cartoons and because she was so gentle with me, she always gave me all I wanted , time in peace with my cartoons or games , and tracy treats.
When I grew for my 13, I realise that classmates always was together and doing the activities , works or homework together, this bother my a bit.
In my 15 , I noticed people hugging and... kissing, this really bother me and I've been thinking about kiss and this kind of things that you do with somebody.
Now in my 18 , people say A LOT about sex and these things , you know I live in Brasil and here have the fame abaut " big asses everywhere" and this is true; They speak about sex everytime and I don't know how to deal with it , people say everytime " Why are you so invisible? mute ... weird?" , I broke my comfort and started to think about it and I realised that I have 0 social skills.
Classmates invite me to hang out , drink , smoke , but I will never Drink alcohool or smoke; I noticed that they only kiss or make sex with a girl when they are drunk.
Once a classmate invite me for a little party and promised me I would like be with her , her friend and 2 other guys, I accept and them i regret.
They drink vodka and smoke canabis , of course I wanted to go home but she make me promiss to stay until other day , I was with insonia in that time and I stay all night awake and alone as always , but this time was diferent, I felt some a great sorrow , I was alone in the single bed while the other was together sleeping clinging in the double bed...
Before they sleep, the guys was dancing in the room , and the girls come at me saying that wanted to marry me and make sex with me , because I'm special and not a jerk like the other guys, I started to smile but then I remember they was drunk, they lay down on me with... those boobies on me , that wonderful sensation that I will never forget , they almost kiss me but I said "stop , please, you are drunk, I don't want to do this while you're drunk" , they laught and tryed again to kiss me , and then those guys came and grab the girls , put they on the double bed and started to slapping theyr butt and the girls was smiling while the guys did that , the girls I tought they was kind they was doing that and dancing on guys... and then they goes to sleep and then I caught myself crying.
I don't want to have a girlfriend or girl to do these drunken things.
And then I returned to my ever routine thinking about people and the things they do that I'm glad to be lonely, I'm a bit sad because I'm virgim and don't really kissed yet. I want a girl like me , think like me and friends that understand me weird feelings, fellows. A girlfriend that share the same feelings about the world itself.
(Sorry for bad english)
I'm a bit light now , I unburden somethings here.
I'm a bit unburden here.
Well , I realised it in my childhood in kindergarden with 4 years, I was always alone in my corner with my fantasy imagination and watching the other kids playing , having "fun" , always when one of them was alone , other kid came to stay with them , but not with me but this really dont bother me.
I've been all my childhoon in my house playing my videogames and watching cartoons and sometimes I saw kids in the street playing soccer while smiling.
In my house i've been always alone too because my parents worked all day and I spent my days alone in my house since I was 7. I loved it !
Sometimes I've been in my grandma for watching more cartoons and because she was so gentle with me, she always gave me all I wanted , time in peace with my cartoons or games , and tracy treats.
When I grew for my 13, I realise that classmates always was together and doing the activities , works or homework together, this bother my a bit.
In my 15 , I noticed people hugging and... kissing, this really bother me and I've been thinking about kiss and this kind of things that you do with somebody.
Now in my 18 , people say A LOT about sex and these things , you know I live in Brasil and here have the fame abaut " big asses everywhere" and this is true; They speak about sex everytime and I don't know how to deal with it , people say everytime " Why are you so invisible? mute ... weird?" , I broke my comfort and started to think about it and I realised that I have 0 social skills.
Classmates invite me to hang out , drink , smoke , but I will never Drink alcohool or smoke; I noticed that they only kiss or make sex with a girl when they are drunk.
Once a classmate invite me for a little party and promised me I would like be with her , her friend and 2 other guys, I accept and them i regret.
They drink vodka and smoke canabis , of course I wanted to go home but she make me promiss to stay until other day , I was with insonia in that time and I stay all night awake and alone as always , but this time was diferent, I felt some a great sorrow , I was alone in the single bed while the other was together sleeping clinging in the double bed...
Before they sleep, the guys was dancing in the room , and the girls come at me saying that wanted to marry me and make sex with me , because I'm special and not a jerk like the other guys, I started to smile but then I remember they was drunk, they lay down on me with... those boobies on me , that wonderful sensation that I will never forget , they almost kiss me but I said "stop , please, you are drunk, I don't want to do this while you're drunk" , they laught and tryed again to kiss me , and then those guys came and grab the girls , put they on the double bed and started to slapping theyr butt and the girls was smiling while the guys did that , the girls I tought they was kind they was doing that and dancing on guys... and then they goes to sleep and then I caught myself crying.
I don't want to have a girlfriend or girl to do these drunken things.
And then I returned to my ever routine thinking about people and the things they do that I'm glad to be lonely, I'm a bit sad because I'm virgim and don't really kissed yet. I want a girl like me , think like me and friends that understand me weird feelings, fellows. A girlfriend that share the same feelings about the world itself.
(Sorry for bad english)
I'm a bit light now , I unburden somethings here.
.
