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1nsane

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Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum, I hope I can get some great advices from you guys! :)

First off I'd like to talk about my life, I'm very sorry for the wall of text I'm about to make but this is something that has to be done, I've never expressed myself like I'm going to do right now so please forgive me for making you read so much. I hope any of you can help me out, that would be much appreciated.

Ever since I can remember as a child I've always been somewhat sensitive towards many things in life, things that common people wouldn't mind. For example, I remember when I was like 6 years old I used to watch those Mickey Mouse shows and for some reason I used to cry every time when an episode ended, also I used to cry more than the regular kids around that age. I don't know if it has anything to do with my personal problems nowadays but I don't know, somehow I feel it does. Very deep inside I feel like I am a very good person who doesn't want to harm anybody nor does want bad things to happen (Perhaps it's the reason I'm so "weak").

As far as I can recall as a kid I never had any of these problems like shyness, social anxiety or depression, I was just like any regular unworried kid. BUT, somehow things changed, my life went downhill just in the blink of an eye. See, my family used to be kind of poor until I reached certain age. When I was 15 years old the economy within my family grew drastically so my family decided to move to another area where we no longer needed up deal with gangs, thieves and so on. In other words, my family moved to a better place that could offer my brothers and I a better environment in order to brought us up away from all the bad influences that streets have to offer. It would be a great idea for anybody but for me it wasn't and the sad part of it is that I couldn't imagine what was coming for me.

Living in this new place was a good thing, a good thing that one's parents would do without hesitating. The thing is, all of this moving affected me. You might be wondering why and how it affected me. It did affect me because I was a new kid that was just a little bit shy (I don't even know if shy was the correct word since I find its meaning is too much for the context itself) that had to meet all of these people, act like them and everything else, not to mention that my parents also took me to this new school around the new place we had recently moved a few months ago. Let me remind you that I was a kid that came from poor neighborhoods so I didn't know this side of the world. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking like if I moved from the poorest to the richest place of the world, I just moved to another place where people had more money and were DIFFERENT, it's like comparing a ghetto to a standard place (I know I'm having some hard time with defining how was the crossing part since I don't live in the US and english isn't my first language).

Up to this day I still don't know why but I started to act weird, I just didn't know how to handle these situations. I was struggling really hard to meet all the new people I was supposed to meet. All of sudden I began looking down on myself, feeling weird since I couldn't find my place in school due to being "different" and without even knowing it... I winded up being a SHY PERSON. After some months I met all of these people in my school but they weren't really my friends, they never invited me to their parties and to be honest I wouldn't have gone there since I felt like if I didn't have the right clothes to go there, or like if I couldn't handle the situation over there... and guess what? it led me to DEPRESSION. I would try to get their attention and act like a clown because very deep inside I was alone... anyway in the end I made some really close friends in school but that's it. As for girls none... girl ever got interested in me. You want to know what was the worst part to handle? Seeing my parents and brothers making fun of me saying things like "you have no friends", "go and get yourself a girlfriend", "stop sneaking off into your room for many hours" and so on... indeed I HAD to tell them not to tell me those things...

That's exactly what happened to me in school... let me say what it's been in college since it's been much worse. I barely have like 5 close friends, the rest is just people I know but they aren't really my friends and they would never invite me for anything. I have never got any girl and my grades aren't that good. I would go depressed for weeks and feel worthless and I'm not going to lie... I've thought of killing myself many times already. I know my life is a disaster, my grades suck, I'm ******* shy so I can barely get any friend, I have no girlfriend... indeed I AM 21 YEARS OLD AND I HAVE NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND NOR KISSED A GIRL IN MY LIFE. Yes this is how depressing and pointless my life is.

I'm really determined to change my life, I'm already trying to overcome my depression and accept and love myself as I am but many things are still the same, what do you guys think I should do? Thanks for those to take their time to read this, it means a lot to me.

Anything you guys want to ask me, I'm here deliver the answer.
 
First of all, welcome to the community! I hope you will enjoy your stay, or at least you will find some answers for your problems and questions.

Second: forgot this "I'm weak" thing at all. You are NOT a bad, a weak, nor a lesser person just because of how you behave. You're "born this way", and if you are not even proud of who you are, you NEED to accept yourself as you are. You can change, but your soul, your heart will still remain the same, doesn't matter the circumstances.

People in general handle change hardly, especially if they are young and don't get used to such a thing. Joining a community as an outsider, all alone is one of the hardest thing, especially if you lack natural "charm" (in this case, I don't mean seducing charm, just simply the way you can easily communicate with others even if you're an "alien" in that community) or experience in such a thing.

If I understood your words, you didn't find your place in that world and environment you're currently in, and it makes you feel alone. It can happen, but do NOT blame yourself! It's not your fault.

Also, the greatest advice I can give you is do not make friends in school. You may actually find some people who you get used to it, but school and education in general is really similar to workplaces in structure and by the people who you're together with. You meet with them, you communicate with them, but because of the overall nature of how things go, sooner, or later, these "friendships" (or relationships in the literal meaning) will be gone.

HOWEVER. The good news is, that the people who you meet outside of it, either because of mutual interest, or some other ways, will be your friends for much longer time.

Now here's the hard part. How to find friends if you don't have any, and how to find a girlfriend? (Since you've mentioned that you want to find one.) Now that's the hard question, and even harder to answer. But the good news is, that this forum is here for not only advices, but also that you may actually meet with new people that you may (and encouraged to) talk with and about your problems - and since you share a mutual interest, you can be sure that you will meet some new faces.

For your "in-real life": I encourage you to do something new, outside of your comfort zone. Find a new hobby, find a new place that you may visit regularly to meet new people, and even more importantly: to try out new things. That way, you may not only improve, but you will even know more about yourself. That may be actually helpful, since there may be some questions in regards of your personality that you don't know the answers for. Also, for dating, online sites are more than ideal, especially for your personality. There are bad experiences about them, but if you are patient, you may and WILL succeed.

While I didn't answer or mentioned all of your questions and problems, I still hope that this post was helpful for you.
 
You make me think of a thing I saw recently, it said something like "It's not settling for less, it's just being grateful." You said you have 5 friends, do they count for nothing? And then you blame your shyness for your problems. I mean, sure, shyness could have been the root of all these things but you still can't blame it.

And you don't have depression, you have sadness. Because I'm positive that if you had friends and if you found a girl, your "depression" would magically disappear. Real depression won't go away. So, severe sadness due to shyness.

Now, how do you combat shyness? There is no real way to go about it then to do it. It's going to be extremely difficult. Something that would help you though, is to just ignore everyone and stop comparing yourself with them. I grew up poor (not as poor as you). I moved from an Eastern country to a Western country at 10. It wasn't just a class difference, everything was different - language, culture, etc. Don't think about how miserable your life is, start thinking about how you can improve your life. Don't focus on results (friends/girls), focus on how to be less shy.
 
^ sadness and depression can be linked. And it doesn't last a lifetime for everyone.

But I do agree. Find a way to move forward. What you consider results won't be an end. They come with their own sets of challenges. It is important to keep moving forward.
 
I think you are a very sensible person and good also ,but unfortunatelly in this society this its seean as weakness .Also you must develop your self confidence and cure your litle anxiety .Start thinking pozitive and analize what you do wrong
 
gluguy said:
Also, the greatest advice I can give you is do not make friends in school. You may actually find some people who you get used to it, but school and education in general is really similar to workplaces in structure and by the people who you're together with. You meet with them, you communicate with them, but because of the overall nature of how things go, sooner, or later, these "friendships" (or relationships in the literal meaning) will be gone.

HOWEVER. The good news is, that the people who you meet outside of it, either because of mutual interest, or some other ways, will be your friends for much longer time.

While I agree that friendships formed out of mutual interest are more likely to last, I disagree that he shouldn't focus on making friends in school. There is no harm in having these friendships and even if they don't last, they may prevent him from feeling isolated during his time there. He might even meet other people through these connections that he does have mutual interests with.
 

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