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An abuser
#1
I've been in a relationship with an abuser, a man that dont give a shit for me or the relationship, he is a narcissistic, and he destroy my steem.

He never say me that im beautiful. I dont want to be a queen of beauty but attractive for the man that you have. When i was thin, for him I was so thin, now i have 20-25 lbs more Im nothing.
He reject sex with me, he said he dislike coital sex but he neither try anything else.
He cheated on me.
One day he said he wasnt happy so he left me, we return without commitment, what is a very good thing for him because he is free.
This and many other things that make me feel a shit, that i only can have a man like this......
When i was younger i felt i had the power to have any man i wanted, and wasnt only a feelling it was true but now with 47, depressed, and with 20-25lbs more...


I know what you are thinking but at least i can sleep, eat, care, talk a little (when he is with me he is all the time playing in the computer) with somenone 3 nights a week, this is the best i can have, is this or the complete loneliness. So sad but true.
My first language is spanish, so Im sorry about my english[color=#00BFF[/color]F]
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#2
(03-12-2016, 04:14 PM)mari1969 Wrote: this is the best i can have, is this or the complete loneliness. So sad but true.

This is NOT true. It's just how you're thinking in your state of mind right now.
I can only recommend what to do because I know how it feels, but you would be better off without him. You CAN find someone new, someone who cares for and respects you. And yeah, you might be lonely for a while, but eventually, you're going to get yourself back, stop focusing on everything he said and did to you and start living again.
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#3
(03-12-2016, 04:14 PM)mari1969 Wrote: This and many other things that make me feel a shit, that i only can have a man like this......

NO , you CAN have other man , somebody who really care about you.
Don't be afraid to go afford and forget him in the nebulous patch.
It's best to be alone but well than with company and bad steem.
The site itself tell us something "A lonely life" but this doens't mean that lonely its a sad thing.
It varies for the sort of people , but you need to let him go and live your life.
Do what you like and love and eventually you will find someone but do not be anxious.
Sorry for bad english.
Hope you find what your heart is looking for.
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#4
Hi Mari,
I've been with a few bad guys and I know now that I'd rather be alone with freedom than lonely and miserable in a relationship. Hopefully you will come to the same realization.

-Teresa
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand.
-WB Yeats
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#5
Thanks for write me.
My first language is spanish, so Im sorry about my english[color=#00BFF[/color]F]
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#6
And why you dont stay with this man ?
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#7
(04-07-2016, 01:33 AM)handheart Wrote: And why you dont stay with this man ?

I prefer to recive 2% of company than absolutly nothing.
My first language is spanish, so Im sorry about my english[color=#00BFF[/color]F]
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#8
Mari,you sound like me in my last relationship,I was with someone for 3 years. My advice to you,leave,it doesn't get better,it gets worse. If he genuinely does have a personality disorder as you say he does,the chances are he isn't going to be able to realise that he is doing something wrong. The reason you are probably feeling the way that you do now is that this relationship has absoloutely drained you,you given so much of yourself and you've lost all your confidence and everything that you used to be,but it's still there and you need to start regaining control of that. This isn't going to stop unless you do something about it because right now,you are putting up with it.

Do you have any support in your area?,if he's abusive there are usually support groups that you can go to to get help. Start doing things for yourself,build your social circle or keeping in touch with family and friends. Do you have any hobbies or interests of your own that you can get involved with?.Do things that rebuild your confidence and self-esteem,do things that make you happy and concentrate on yourself. When you start doing this,you'll find that you deserve better and won't want to deal with this anymore.
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#9
(06-10-2016, 02:14 AM)Serephina Wrote: Mari,you sound like me in my last relationship,I was with someone for 3 years. My advice to you,leave,it doesn't get better,it gets worse. If he genuinely does have a personality disorder as you say he does,the chances are he isn't going to be able to realise that he is doing something wrong. The reason you are probably feeling the way that you do now is that this relationship has absoloutely drained you,you given so much of yourself and you've lost all your confidence and everything that you used to be,but it's still there and you need to start regaining control of that. This isn't going to stop unless you do something about it because right now,you are putting up with it.

Do you have any support in your area?,if he's abusive there are usually support groups that you can go to to get help. Start doing things for yourself,build your social circle or keeping in touch with family and friends. Do you have any hobbies or interests of your own that you can get involved with?.Do things that rebuild your confidence and self-esteem,do things that make you happy and concentrate on yourself. When you start doing this,you'll find that you deserve better and won't want to deal with this anymore.
Serephina you are true in all what you say. It has come to be worse as you wrote, I know he will never be different, and all the other things but i tried many times and always i returned to look him and of course he with more power and me with less so now Im not capable to try again, I prefer 2% of life than nothing. We just come for a trip, when he come (weekends) i cook, i hear my voice, my cats retur to life (when they are with me they are always sleeping).
Im not a social person at all so people dont make me feel confortable, I do not enjoy to go out i have to make a big effort to go to the market or any errands.
Thanks for caring me, i know you are true but i prefer that "loose thread"that nothing.
My first language is spanish, so Im sorry about my english[color=#00BFF[/color]F]
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#10
You can find better and there are good men out there. It is scary to meet other people, but you deserve better. Please don't be so hard on yourself! He is not good enough for you!
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