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An abuser
#11
(06-15-2016, 07:47 AM)IceCastles Wrote: You can find better and there are good men out there. It is scary to meet other people, but you deserve better. Please don't be so hard on yourself! He is not good enough for you!

1st af all thanks for write me and care about me.
I know there are good men out there but i cant find them Sad and im sure i deserve better but the only i get is this one .
My first language is spanish, so Im sorry about my english[color=#00BFF[/color]F]
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#12
I was with an abusive guy. Look up articles online and see if this fits your boyfriend. From my personal experience: You can't change them and if you're not happy with him you should leave him. I made my mistake by staying with him and it only got worse overtime because of his threats. Listen you can do better. Don't be with someone who ruins your happiness and self esteem.

By your statement in the last sentence. Again. Why would you sacrifice your happiness by being with someone who doesn't appreciate you? Because you're afraid of being alone??? What you said kinda worries me to be honest.

I much rather be alone than be with someone and be unhappy. Focus on yourself. You don't need a man to make yourself happy. Don't worry about him. Worry about you.
"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."~Tori Amos
"I only ask to be free. The butterflies are free."~Charles Dickens
"Trust is like a paper once it's crumbled it can't be perfect again.
You can flatten the paper and try and make it as straight as you want, but it will never be perfect again."

[Image: Stranger-Things-Liking-Things-08262016.gif]
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#13
It sounds like he is possibly mentally and emotionally abusive and you're looking to just vent at the moment.
When you finally have had enough of the abuse and are ready to end the situation, I hope that you have already come up with a plan for moving on and breaking ties and contact with this person.
Mental abuse is insidious and will stain your soul if you remain fettered by it for too long. It will suck the life right out of you and you'll be made to feel like you're insane.
My advice: Get out as quickly as you can or it will destroy you emotionally.
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
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#14
I can't relate to every point, but I can say that I do relate to the point of being with someone who just doesn't care about you. There is no changing someone. They have to realize that themselves, and alter themselves for the better. I've told him over and over again how I feel and how he is to me, and nothing is any different. After a few years, I'm quite tired of it. So I can relate to being completely exhausted over a situation that you know you can't change, but you always want to have that hope it'll be different. Perhaps I give people the benefit of the doubt too easily, and maybe I shouldn't because with this, it never really helps.
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#15
(09-19-2016, 11:31 AM)EveWasFramed Wrote: It sounds like he is possibly mentally and emotionally abusive and you're looking to just vent at the moment.
When you finally have had enough of the abuse and are ready to end the situation, I hope that you have already come up with a plan for moving on and breaking ties and contact with this person.
Mental abuse is insidious and will stain your soul if you remain fettered by it for too long. It will suck the life right out of you and you'll be made to feel like you're insane.
My advice: Get out as quickly as you can or it will destroy you emotionally.

Good advice...get out even quicker if the abuse is physical...you might be lonely for a while..but you need some time to heal.  Then chances are you will find someone worth of your trust and love.
I will not suffer.......
"The only way to get through hell....is to keep moving."
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#16
It sounds like a part of the problem is your own self image...maybe you could focus on that ...not to regain this particular man who it would seem you may be best separating out from... but to at least attempt to improve your own sense of worth and self esteem...if weight is a negative issue for you maybe you should address it... It's maybe to easy to accept 2% of the this guy's time on his terms if it means you need make no real effort to address those things that you feel undermine you
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#17
[Image: power-and-control.jpg]
"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."~Tori Amos
"I only ask to be free. The butterflies are free."~Charles Dickens
"Trust is like a paper once it's crumbled it can't be perfect again.
You can flatten the paper and try and make it as straight as you want, but it will never be perfect again."

[Image: Stranger-Things-Liking-Things-08262016.gif]
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#18
(09-18-2016, 01:30 PM)WallflowerGirl83 Wrote: I was with an abusive guy. Look up articles online and see if this fits your boyfriend. From my personal experience: You can't change them and if you're not happy with him you should leave him. I made my mistake by staying with him and it only got worse overtime because of his threats. Listen you can do better. Don't be with someone who ruins your happiness and self esteem.

By your statement in the last sentence. Again. Why would you sacrifice your happiness by being with someone who doesn't appreciate you? Because you're afraid of being alone??? What you said kinda worries me to be honest.

I much rather be alone than be with someone and be unhappy. Focus on yourself. You don't need a man to make yourself happy. Don't worry about him. Worry about you.

Excellent advice.
[Image: dapulo34998.png]
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#19
According to you, he was a narcissistic, an abuser, a cheat. And he left you. Thus he is not with you. You say that he is free, but aren't you, too ?
________________________________________________________________
Smile   Toungue
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#20
Dear Mari, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you all this time with this person. I very much agree with some of the people who've replied here already, in terms of you being better off leaving him completely, and that is only your decision. You are the one who decides what you deserve and don't deserve in your life. What has happened is that you have allowed a bad person to dictate how you should look, what you should do, and what things you should think about yourself.  In all honesty, I believe you need some healing first, before you go into another relationship. I can see that you are very concerned as to whether or not you will find another man. And I understand your concern. It is very valid. But look, you need to first learn to be comfortable living on your own, just by yourself. That way you will become more independent, you will be less afraid to be alone, and then you will be able to choose, really choose a man who you like and one who respects you and appreciates you for who you are. Makes sense, right? There are so many men out there that take advantage of women who are knowingly afraid of being alone. A woman must know how to be comfortable with herself and not desperately depend on a man. And this knowledge can be learned, I promise you. At 47, you are NOT an old woman. The idea that a woman in her 40s is old, is really an old idea, no pun intended. You are as old as you feel you are. Just think about it: not having this abusive guy around you, you can actually devote some time to exercise, eat well and healthy, and possibly lose the extra weight that you say you dislike right now. Start taking care of yourself. Subscribe to an inexpensive gym and start going for an hour every day. Just the fact that you've taken a step towards caring for yourself, will make such a big difference in your life. Next, distance yourself from anyone who is contributing to your low self-esteem. You don't need hard conversations with these people, but simply make yourself less available to them without any explicit demonstrations. At that point, sit down and think what is it that you really want in your life. What people do you want around you? What skills would you like to develop or perfect? Find likeminded people and get going. This is so important, Mari! Your self-growth is what will make you a happier and stronger person, but it will take some time. I wish you to gather the strength to start your new life as a free woman, and discover who you are to create who you want to be. 
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