Can I really express my feelings in an online forum? Will faceless people really care? Truth is, I like being alone most of the time yet I've always desired having a few good friends, I would have even settled for one. I'm 41 years old and whenever someone talks about their experiences my stomach drops, knowing how little I've experienced in life, all the things I've missed out on and how alone I've always been. I think of how little I experienced growing up....when I mention this to others, I amaze them. Honestly, I don't have anyone to share what I'm feeling. I suppose this is why I joined this forum. I'm a loner and always have been yet the consequences of being a loner all my life has caused me many regrets. Perhaps I'm looking for solidarity...
Lonely when people are around....
- Thread starter ihabl
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Hairmonster12
Well-known member
I'm in a very similar state of existence myself. welcome!
A
AmytheTemperamental
Guest
Welcome to the forum 
I understand this type of loneliness the most. Us faceless folk care. Just let us in
I understand this type of loneliness the most. Us faceless folk care. Just let us in 
ABrokenMan
Well-known member
I'm older than you, ihabl, and I experience the same feelings.
I knew people who accomplished so much more than I have. Me, I had/still find myself struggling though it all. I'm quite tired, truthfully. I'm not complaining, that's just the way the cards fell.
While I have done some things in my life, I was really doing them to try and fill that empty void I've felt going back to childhood - not fitting in.
I've been alone (no partner / girlfriend) for nearly all of my adult life.
The short amount of time I was romantically involved it felt wonderful, indescribable, really. It made life that much better - until things ended. The last few times, the endings have been utterly soul-crushing. I ask my self: was it really worth it in the end?
I knew people who accomplished so much more than I have. Me, I had/still find myself struggling though it all. I'm quite tired, truthfully. I'm not complaining, that's just the way the cards fell.
While I have done some things in my life, I was really doing them to try and fill that empty void I've felt going back to childhood - not fitting in.
I've been alone (no partner / girlfriend) for nearly all of my adult life.
The short amount of time I was romantically involved it felt wonderful, indescribable, really. It made life that much better - until things ended. The last few times, the endings have been utterly soul-crushing. I ask my self: was it really worth it in the end?
L
lonelyfairy
Guest
Yes, some of them do care and welcome to the forum. :]
I know that the past is the past and we should make the most out of today, it is today that we can control. However when I'm around people today, no matter the setting, it seems to lead to conversations of "the good old days". When I hear their stories, the feelings I had then resurfaces. I try to find an explanation of the meaning behind the isolation I felt and do feel, this is a fruitless exercise. I think of high school often, I was a very good athlete yet never went to a dance, party and rarely went out with people. Never kissed or even held hands with a girl, I was so so shy. I realize I would not have had much fun at parties and dances because my temperament is introverted, yet I wonder why I was never included and why no girl ever liked me. I suppose it was my shyness or seriousness, I don't know. I just know I missed out.
ladyforsaken
Well-known member
Hey ihabl, welcome to the forum.
I believe faceless people online can care as much as people in real life, sometimes even more. That's in my experience at least.
ihabl said:
I believe faceless people online can care as much as people in real life, sometimes even more. That's in my experience at least.
I was thinking about my past, something I do way too much. I realize I was bullied. I never thought about what I went through as bullying....when I was a kid there was not a "stop bullying" campaign like there is in schools. I was not physically bullied but because of my shyness and meekness I was constantly being "made fun of". I was excluded throughout my childhood. I read something online about adults who are bullied. One author said it can make you sensitive, driven passionate and hardworking, compassionate and empathetic. However, the hurt you felt as a kid can be experienced easily as an adult. I can read people pretty well. I know who the bullies and bad guys are. I suppose this will be helpful when my daughters enter adolescence. I am passionate for speaking up for the powerless. The gut wrenching pain I still feel is something I have a hard time dealing with. I feel like my drive and hard work has caused my loneliness.
ihabl said:
At 42, I'm in the same boat as you.
Hang around people at work sometimes and they talk about all the stories from when they were younger and out partying. I end up finding a leaf from a maple tree and see what weird shape I can fold it into to take my mind off of it.
P
Pathfinder
Guest
I can relate to what you are saying...and honestly I thought I must be the only one who felt this way. This is my first post. I'm sorry that you experienced bullying. That can really shape us and the amount of social risk we are willing to take. We can often undermine ourselves and our personal value before we actually put ourselves out there when we have experienced bullying as a child. Like you, I would be happy for one good friend. It is nice to know that at least I am not alone in feeling this way.
I have been on this forum for a short period. This place online is where I feel safe, because I also agree that lonely introverted people are very compassionate, empathetic, and have a lot of passion to help others. Here is a place to promote a sense of healing, I understand that I am not alone. In my life I have always been drawn to introverted people, who I have found are the most loyal. In my case I have had the same best friend since I was born. I am thankful for everyone who is here, unfortunately smooth seas do not make skilled mariners. You all have been through so much and I feel for all of you. It is for all that reason I try to have an optimistic mood and extend the same saftey and comfort that all of you share with each other. Pour out your hearts in prayer and fondly remember "Happy are those who mourn, since they will be comforted.+Matthew 5:4
matt4
Well-known member
Try to think of the present and how it lead to the future.
I know how difficult it can be. I used to dwell on the past way too much (still do dwell on it but not nearly as much). You'll lead a happier life once you focus of doing things that make you happy.
1.) Write down what's making you unhappy on a piece of paper
2.) Try to join a club, or go do some sports (not only will you get healthy, you will notice your mindset will change)
3.) Have you tried online dating to meet people? Or meetup? (Key note with online dating, don't invest into people early. This is how people end up with continuous disappointment also look to get to know people first (face to face), rather then treat any first meet up as a date.) Specify that in you're profile if you want. By not investing, when rejection happens which it no doubt will you won't be down about it.
Just talk to as many people as you can, making friends, develop you're self confidence. Just do a google search (not all are effective).
http://bit.ly/1v96X3X
You can drop me a message if you wish.
With shyness, if you constantly dwell on the past rather then seek to enjoy what you have now to change the future. You'll remain unhappy. I know, I've been there. It's hard, it takes baby steps. Don't try everything at the same time, remember setbacks are a part of life. Makes success that much sweeter
I know how difficult it can be. I used to dwell on the past way too much (still do dwell on it but not nearly as much). You'll lead a happier life once you focus of doing things that make you happy.
1.) Write down what's making you unhappy on a piece of paper
2.) Try to join a club, or go do some sports (not only will you get healthy, you will notice your mindset will change)
3.) Have you tried online dating to meet people? Or meetup? (Key note with online dating, don't invest into people early. This is how people end up with continuous disappointment also look to get to know people first (face to face), rather then treat any first meet up as a date.) Specify that in you're profile if you want. By not investing, when rejection happens which it no doubt will you won't be down about it.
Just talk to as many people as you can, making friends, develop you're self confidence. Just do a google search (not all are effective).
http://bit.ly/1v96X3X
You can drop me a message if you wish.
With shyness, if you constantly dwell on the past rather then seek to enjoy what you have now to change the future. You'll remain unhappy. I know, I've been there. It's hard, it takes baby steps. Don't try everything at the same time, remember setbacks are a part of life. Makes success that much sweeter
matt4 said:Try to think of the present and how it lead to the future.
I know how difficult it can be. I used to dwell on the past way too much (still do dwell on it but not nearly as much). You'll lead a happier life once you focus of doing things that make you happy.
1.) Write down what's making you unhappy on a piece of paper
2.) Try to join a club, or go do some sports (not only will you get healthy, you will notice your mindset will change)
3.) Have you tried online dating to meet people? Or meetup? (Key note with online dating, don't invest into people early. This is how people end up with continuous disappointment also look to get to know people first (face to face), rather then treat any first meet up as a date.) Specify that in you're profile if you want. By not investing, when rejection happens which it no doubt will you won't be down about it.
Just talk to as many people as you can, making friends, develop you're self confidence. Just do a google search (not all are effective).
http://bit.ly/1v96X3X
You can drop me a message if you wish.
With shyness, if you constantly dwell on the past rather then seek to enjoy what you have now to change the future. You'll remain unhappy. I know, I've been there. It's hard, it takes baby steps. Don't try everything at the same time, remember setbacks are a part of life. Makes success that much sweeter
Thanks, baby steps...focusing on the present.....I'm one to analyze things to death and I've been doing this all my life. It's a hard habit to break.
matt4
Well-known member
It is. I used to think about committing suicide quite a lot a few years ago. I got depressed about quite a lot things.
Life is about finding the positives, and finding the positives in the negatives.
Try thinking what you would like to do next week. What would make you happy for example? It can be something basic like going to a restaurant yourself, or going to the gym.
I understand it's extremely difficult. I still lapse into depression but I'm a lot more confident and successful with women now (still fail too but that's life). It's due to my changed outlook. Try to keep that head up and smile as much as you can! You can do this
Life is about finding the positives, and finding the positives in the negatives.
Try thinking what you would like to do next week. What would make you happy for example? It can be something basic like going to a restaurant yourself, or going to the gym.
I understand it's extremely difficult. I still lapse into depression but I'm a lot more confident and successful with women now (still fail too but that's life). It's due to my changed outlook. Try to keep that head up and smile as much as you can! You can do this
Thanks for sharing and your encouragement. I remember someone in high school committed suicide, he was very popular and the whole school took it hard. I know this is selfish but I remember thinking, why him? I had no friends and he had many friends. It got better in college but I'll never forget that feeling. I think I have to try to be a better friend. A Kroger (it's a grocery chain where I'm from) has a commercial that says "To make a friend, be a friend", maybe it's cheesy to quote from a grocery store commercial but I think it's good advice.
I'm happy that things have gotten better for you, your experience enables you to give wise advice.
I'm happy that things have gotten better for you, your experience enables you to give wise advice.
matt4 said:Try to think of the present and how it lead to the future.
I know how difficult it can be. I used to dwell on the past way too much (still do dwell on it but not nearly as much). You'll lead a happier life once you focus of doing things that make you happy.
1.) Write down what's making you unhappy on a piece of paper
2.) Try to join a club, or go do some sports (not only will you get healthy, you will notice your mindset will change)
3.) Have you tried online dating to meet people? Or meetup? (Key note with online dating, don't invest into people early. This is how people end up with continuous disappointment also look to get to know people first (face to face), rather then treat any first meet up as a date.) Specify that in you're profile if you want. By not investing, when rejection happens which it no doubt will you won't be down about it.
Just talk to as many people as you can, making friends, develop you're self confidence. Just do a google search (not all are effective).
http://bit.ly/1v96X3X
You can drop me a message if you wish.
With shyness, if you constantly dwell on the past rather then seek to enjoy what you have now to change the future. You'll remain unhappy. I know, I've been there. It's hard, it takes baby steps. Don't try everything at the same time, remember setbacks are a part of life. Makes success that much sweeter
I just read the article you posted about self confidence, I like what it said about self talk, seeing it as a bug that needs to be squashed.
