Tired of my 'friends'

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Dear-_-Tragedy

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2012
Messages
125
Reaction score
0
Location
UK
Every time I try to arrange a meet up with them, it's always in their favour. If they can't be bothered with me they just don't reply at all or return a call 95% of the time. I feel like a robot they text commands at like "we're out tonight meet us at 'x' place) then I'm supposed to come running or I won't see them ever. Then they wipe me out of their world by just ignoring every attempt to contact them when I would like to meet/arrange something.

I would love to arrange an event but no one respects me enough to listen to dates/venues because if does not involve alcohol. The worst is when they tell me a time and place and then never confirm even when I ask. They seem to just turn their phone off. Whatever happened to the common courtesy of letting someone know an event is cancelled or they don't want you there? I would much prefer to know rather than sit there unable to go to other things in case they ignorantly say "where were you last night?".

It's mostly due to how they all have girlfriends now accept for me. I am such a black sheep that they probably feel as awkward as I do when I'm out with them. Being 9th wheel is not good. For one I'm never included in their conversations and two I look like a loser who they felt obligated to bring out with them like a stray dog.

I then decide to cool off and just accept this type of loneliness and exclusion. If they don't want to bother communicating with me then I'll just wait till they do, get on with my life. I know I sick of being the one who texts/calls answerphones. But then I just gradually get depressed for lack of social interaction.

The good news is I'm making new friends at uni who are responsive, but I'm weary that it's the 'honeymoon phase'.

Does anyone have advice?
 
It sounds as though you and your old friends are drifting apart.
To be honest, I wouldn't just sit there and not go to other events on the off chance that your 'friends' ask where you were last night. I would just tell them , if this happens, that something else came up and that it was a definite event and that you didn't know if they would show up or not to the thing they had planned and so you decided to go to something else instead which you knew wouldn't be cancelled.
It sounds as though you are meeting people at uni who are more on your wavelength and maybe you should concentrate on these new friends and let the others go or at least relegate them to a less important position in your life.
 
Well i will be clear with you ,these are not good friends they only want theys interests .Unfortunately many people today are with 2 faces and stay around you when you have money othe when they can benefit from you .But you can make another friends that can be more trust ones
 
With friends like that, who needs enemies? I'd rather not have those 'friends' than be marginalized and disregarded. Sometimes in life, we realize that the people around us are selfish and shallow. At that point, it's important to move on and not blame yourself. I used to have lots of 'friends' like that. Now, I have none and couldn't be happier without them.
 
I have decided to lay low now to see if they do indeed initiate communication and treat me more like a friend. I feel like life at this point is just people taking what they need from others, be it physically or mentally and nothing else. It took me this long to realise my friendships, relationships, and even the outer shell called my body doesn't even matter. It's all about getting what you want from life on your own terms. I'm going to try life just inside my head now without considering others. I have been too sensitive to others for far too long. Call it selfish but let's not get it twisted, everyone is selfish.
 
Why do you call them friends? Friend is someone who respects you, doesn't ignore you, wants to spend time with you etc. you get the general idea. You deserve so much better than that.
 
Because they will still talk to me and invite me out and come to my house after so many years. They still do all the things you expect in a friend but they are ignorant from time to time. They told me to meet them at their house this week and then told me not to because they are working a lot and are tired. This doesn't explain why they don't want to on weekends though and why they even asked me in the first place. I imagine they are having a wonderful time right now without me.
 
Friendship is a two-way street and I have found that most people are inconsiderate and don't care for all friends equally.

I hope you will meet new people that will put as much effort into the friendship as you are.

I've been trying to make friends as well, and while I don't have any yet - these "new people" are really lazy and are expecting me to initiate and do everything but then cancel, don't show-up, don't offer to make plans etc. It gets really old and I'm just meeting more and more different people and hopefully will find people who are more considerate.
 
The way I see it, if they are showing signs of disrespect this early on, they don't sound worth your time. The way my old friends interact with me is a result of years of stagnation. The trouble is though we have to weigh up whether you can cope without bad friends or no friends at all.
 
Dear-_-Tragedy said:
The way I see it, if they are showing signs of disrespect this early on, they don't sound worth your time.

Yup, I've learned that people aren't gonna change into what you want. When you see the red flags you need to move on.
 
lonelyfairy said:
Why do you call them friends? Friend is someone who respects you, doesn't ignore you, wants to spend time with you etc. you get the general idea. You deserve so much better than that.

This exactly.
 
I got tired of crap like this from my so-called "friends". I ended up cutting them out of my life and don't regret it. People suck.
 
I would say try to look online at meetups,,,,,for people that have your interests, and the new people you are meeting, i hope you click with at least one of them on a deeper level that they will be polite and accepting of you and keep times arranged to hang out and not ignore you, let us know how it turns out
 
I went through the same thing. I always seemed to be the one organizing, calling, chasing...if I didn't call them they wouldn't call me, it was very hurtful. But they did enjoy when I footed the bill for our outings. I kept trying to keep contact with them, then I fell into really bad depression and they all abandoned me. I felt like such a fool. My advice is to stop contact with them and try to enjoy your new friends. Or...try to find things that make you happy to do on your own. I found a lot of hobbies, and though it was a tough transition, at this point, I don't feel the need for friends anymore. Online friends are really all I need at this point, mind you, on days where I'm particularly sad, another supportive human voice may be helpful...but I made my choice.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top