I'm a Shadow

So here's how my life is I'm 25 I live with my mother I live in a small town and I have zero percent of a social life. I'd move out but I don't have a car or license(everything is in walking distance like literally farthest I have to walk is an hour) also I've got some stupid loans form a single year in college.

I suck with people I have zero game with women. I'm something of porn addict currently trying to curve it with video games. However I've been trying to become a writer but I never have finished anything. I used to have dreams ambition now I'm just stuck working at store and I don't want to die not having lived because the years are literally passing me by and everyone in my has changed or has something for them and I'm still the same.

I resigned myself to my fate or at least I had but every time I think I'm making progress I realize I'm just taking two steps back. I know I'm going to sound bad but I'm sick and tired of living with my mother and sick of being the guy in the back ground. This one guy I know goes to parties has one night stands the life I've always dreamed of and I'm just stuck I feel like a ghost a phantom.

Everybody in my life is doing something or has something going on and I'm just sick of not being able to even make a single connection.

NobodySomebody said:

So here's how my life is I'm 25 I live with my mother I live in a small town and I have zero percent of a social life. I'd move out but I don't have a car or license(everything is in walking distance like literally farthest I have to walk is an hour) also I've got some stupid loans form a single year in college.

I suck with people I have zero game with women. I'm something of porn addict currently trying to curve it with video games. However I've been trying to become a writer but I never have finished anything. I used to have dreams ambition now I'm just stuck working at store and I don't want to die not having lived because the years are literally passing me by and everyone in my has changed or has something for them and I'm still the same.

I resigned myself to my fate or at least I had but every time I think I'm making progress I realize I'm just taking two steps back. I know I'm going to sound bad but I'm sick and tired of living with my mother and sick of being the guy in the back ground. This one guy I know goes to parties has one night stands the life I've always dreamed of and I'm just stuck I feel like a ghost a phantom.

Everybody in my life is doing something or has something going on and I'm just sick of not being able to even make a single connection.

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I wouldn't stick to resigning yourself to your current direction in life. You'll most likely find yourself regretting that decision and lamenting any missed opportunities. You mentioned a desire to write. If you have any unfinished stories or notes lying around, give them another glance.

Also, what kind of job would you want? Since everything seems to be close by, it wouldn't be a bad idea to try looking for new jobs.

Have you ever considered writing a kind of...erotic type of stories? Until you feel confident enough to finish stuff?

Right now, you're in a comfortable place but you're not happy. That can be a trap.

You have to get out of there somehow. But it takes time and research to find out where to go and what to do.

Come visit the chat room. Perhaps some of us can give you ideas on what you could do.

NobodySomebody said:

This one guy I know goes to parties has one night stands the life I've always dreamed of

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Setting your sights real high right there...
Really, the guy you're talking about is actually probably just as miserable as you are. He just fills his life with more real-life porn than you do, and a lot of chatter and noise but still no real conversations.

You need to have a vision of something better. Something that is real. The sort of life you're talking about that this guy has is really nothing but an illusion. That sort of crap doesn't make anyone happy. It allows them to think that they're happy. It gives the appearance of happiness, but not the substance of happiness.

Aim your sights higher. Give yourself something real to think about. Give yourself a dream, something you can taste, something you can grasp. Then work towards that and don't let a few obstacles get in your way. If you take two steps back then catch yourself doing it and see it as an opportunity to take two more steps forward.

You're not a ghost or a phantom or a shadow. You're just stuck on the edge of Limbo. You're looking out from the Darkness towards the Light and you're blinded by it. But just give it time and your eyes will adjust. You will see more clearly then, and that step out of the Dark that was so hard to take before will seem simple then.
However, if you stay in Limbo all there ever is, is just a never-ending Darkness.
Makes the choice easy, doesn't it?

Do you know what I'm saying? You already know what to do. You're just not doing it because you're afraid. But don't be. Limbo is a much scarier place to be.

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I don't really know what small town life is like, so I can't offer advice there. I've always lived in the city or in suburbs close to large cities.

One thing with progress is that I think it helps to focus on just a few things. If someone is focusing on a dozen things at once it spreads their time, energy, and willpower pretty thin.

AmytheTemperamental said:

Have you ever considered writing a kind of...erotic type of stories? Until you feel confident enough to finish stuff?

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Funnily enough, this helped me break out of a tough writer's block. Heh.

My advice to the OP would be to find that thing that inspires them. Fresh ideas, and new things can really help to break that block. Go outside, take a walk and think. Read a book, look up history. Whatever inspired you really. Perhaps you can write something, and start earning a bit of cash on the side. Writing is very hard, but it can be immensely enjoyable and rewarding.

I think you said it yourself - at least part of the problem is your porn addiction. That stuff is known to deplete a person's energy, drive, ambition. Without even getting into the morality of it, it's really bad for your mind. It hurts your ability to focus. It can mess with your confidence level, with the way you see yourself. All the things you want to do or need to do, get a better job, pay off your loans, get a car and a license, write, be more social and better with women, and so on, watching porn only makes it more difficult. It just makes you weaker, in every way.

Weaning yourself off it with a "less harmful" pleasure, like video games, is a good idea. Just whatever you do, don't give in. Delete or destroy all of your bookmarks, pictures, videos, magazines, posters, whatever. Burn your bridges. Don't leave yourself a back door, don't plan to fail. You won't get anywhere as long as you do.

I recommend quitting the porn. When you get cravings, or when you think that it's not worth it, think about what you would rather have - all those things you wanted, or more of this stupid addiction that's keeping you from getting anywhere. You can't have both. Think about it objectively - porn is trashy, scummy, there's nothing good about it at all. It is a thing that is made by people to capitalize on addiction and make them money, that's it. The stuff you could have in your life instead is so much better, and actually good for you. Quit for a month and see if you even want to go back. You'll save a lot of time and energy that could go towards the things you want instead.

Here's a link about it for more reading, if you want:

http://highexistence.com/how-porn-r...l&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Well ask yurself what you can do to change your life .Just let confort zone and leave the fears of life take your life in hand now .Maybe it can sound strange but if you strugle in life maybe making a changing will help you a lot