Did I do the right thing?

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MisunderstoodVacancy

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I'm legitimately not sure. I thought I did, but my decision making abilities have never been particularly stellar. So to preface this, I'll say that I've been making some slight positive changes in life and sort of (emphasis on the sort of) think that I'm almost starting to get myself together. I think I've been noticing myself having a bit more self-confidence and bit more of a positive motivated mindset to actually want to take initiative and improve things.

I sort of have a job now, which is probably the big thing, and it's actually something I kind of find interesting. Not really sure if it will lead to something more long term but at least it's building momentum and a clearer mind. And I sort of have some goals that might benefit me into getting into more of a career, online courses and such (I was kind of on the fence about taking them but I kind of want to just prove to myself that I'm capable of doing it), though sticking to that plan may be a challenge. Plus I'm trying to improve my cooking skills and teach myself new recipes and it feels good to make something good.

Also, I feel a bit more comfortable around people in general and have been trying to socialize more and actually seem to enjoy going out and having new experiences. And I've been exercising most days and trying to eat reasonably healthy so my body feels fairly good most of the time. I don't go to bed absurdly late or having trouble sleeping at this point like I used to, though I always seem to wish I had an extra hour or two, I think my sleeping is pretty good.

So all in all a fair amount of positive things, which I am listing out mostly because I am very accustomed to hating myself and not seeing anything positive about myself and just kind of sulking alone on the netz because of it. I used to worry a lot more about not being interesting enough but I've kind of changed my mindset to be that people become interesting through experiencing life and pursuing their goals and trying new things, rather than abstractly trying to "make yourself interesting".

So yeah, I still have a long way to go. Still struggle with depression and anxiety and lack of energy/motivation and all that jazz. I've dug myself into a pretty deep hole over the years and am kind of behind in life relative to others my age, but all you can really do is try to be a little bit better of a person than you were yesterday.

Eh, my actual question/reason for posting seems a bit silly now, but here goes. So on my commute I sort of got somehow talking to some girl about...I don't even know what, random things, the crowdedness of public transportation. It was kind of nice. This is kind of against the grain in some ways but I actually kind of like engaging with people on public transportation sometimes, the drab cold grayness of everyone's expressions kind of depresses me, and I'm not sure why. And I don't know, people build up walls a lot as necessity and it's kind of nice sometimes to talk to random strangers on subways, like people tell you not to do. Though I guess it would be less enticing talking to burly middle aged man about his mobile candy business...

So yeah, we were talking and, as you might have gathered I have exceedingly low self-esteem so I always find it incredibly hard to believe when people seem to enjoy my company and aren't visibly uncomfortable/running out to become a Jehovah's Witness to escape the uncomfortable awkwardness. So yeah, that was kind of nice and made me feel good. And I managed to get her to give me her number, which is really strange. Why would anyone want to do that?

I guess the issue is that I realized mid-talk that she was substantially younger than me, pretty much at or just above the mason-Dixon legal age line in my country. And so I opted to let her number sit in a gilded shrine in my room collecting dust and not actually contacting her. I mean, being approximately 7 years older than this person just seems too weird/creepy, even just being friends. A lot of people would bring up the life experience issue. But I kind of feel like it would be awkward dealing with the judgments of others for being creepy, a loser, etc..I feel like it's something that's generally frowned upon. Also I still need to work out all the other issues I have before I could really date anyway.

So yeah, idk, feels like kind of a jerk move to ask someone their number and proceed not to contact them and I'm not positive if I made the right choice or why I made this post. Vote Kanye for 2020!
 
I couldnt imagine having to guess peoples ages
If your still interested in her give her a call
If she gave you her number she obviously at minimum found conversation OK
Give her a call ...you dont really have anything to lose
 

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