Parents treating you like dirt

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Dear-_-Tragedy

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They seem so ignorant to how the world is. They live in the past and compare how their life is to how your life is like they are superior and know what it's like. Even though they are all comfortable with their job and other half.

They might know you in the sense of how they raised you but they don't KNOW you. They take what they learned about you growing up and they choose the most negative aspects of you and stick with that. Never mind all the time you spend away from them and how you personality is more complex than what was shown at a family meal.

I try to have a fun social night with them because other family members visit thinking I would enjoy it. However once my parents decide they're bored with my presence, they brought up abrasive topics to get me out of the room. Talking at me. Not conversing with me. Things leading to commands like:

'Go to sleep at a 'normal' time', 'get a job like everyone else'.

'You are leaving uni soon don't you know you need a job?' Well of course I know I need a job. 'He is living beyond his means, buying a phone with his loan, buying things with money that isn't his'. The thing is they ask question but aren't interested in what I have to say, they just want to subtly undermine me in front of family members I haven't seen in a while. Belittle me, bully me into living my life the way they want. The way my siblings are. Well, news flash, I am not like my siblings I am me.

And it's the way i'm treated like their test subjects like a sim character like they command me with the power that is money. Suppose I do get a sh** job at minimum wage; if they suddenly respect me just because of that then what kind of lesson is that, how 1 dimensional does one have to be to only respect someone who earns 5 pounds an hour rather than someone who wants to pursue a job that the want to pursue? It's not like they are not well off either.

I think it's because I see it like they don't. I don't want a big house, pretentious furniture, clothes and meals out. I want a job I enjoy, a few friends and someone I love. Why is it that if I don't live my life exactly the way they did growing up, I am the outcast of the family? Things I have done in the past leaves stains in their brain and they are conditioned to disrespect me subconsciously. This is why I get on well with everyone outside of the house because I can be myself. I don't feel on edge and like some robot.

I am thinking of doing an apprenticeship and travel. Get away from this bs. I know I sound ungrateful of having family like this but this is one of the points; whether intentional all not, they always play the card of 'you're living under our roof, we feed you, we give you money.' I am completely capable of living independently but they just don't see it. This becomes a vicious circle because it feeds negativity, it suffocates me into believing I'm not worthy. I don't think they know I have my own conscience, plans and ideas. They think If they don't command me then I am screwed. This gets me angry beyond belief.

I don't know how much this will resonate with anyone else but I just had to get the anger and frustration out of my system.
 
Of course I don't know your family enough to ever really form a true opinion on them collectively or individually, but I agree with how you feel. Some people think that because they help you, that they have the right to tell you what to do and how to be. I'm sorry, but, no - that's not helping someone. That's throwing the fact that they do help you in your face and then expect you to just agree with the things they want to demand from you. I don't blame you at all for wanting to get away from that. You don't sound ungrateful to me because no one has the right to tell someone how to be, regardless of anything else. And if any of them want to use the fact that they help you? Well, I'd be quick to say thank you, but no thank you. You live how you want to live, and if you have problems or issues in the future, then that's your responsibility to deal with it. They can't live your life for you. We all live and learn, and hopefully grow from the mistakes that we do make.
 
I think true adult freedom comes when you can support yourself. When you can, it's your life, your choices. Yes, if someone is paying your bills, you do have to answer to them on some level. When you are ultimately supporting yourself, your parents don't have to like your choices, but you choose for yourself.
I think as a parent of soon to be young adults, that we feel anxiety about the future for our own kids. Will they be able to make it on their own? Not because they aren't capable but the job market is just not very good like when i got out of school. So, some of their comments may mean well. On the other hand, some parents just get stuck and forget that their adult children are now adults and should be treated as such.
 

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