Help Please!

Hi guys,

First of all, let me say that I've suffered with (bi-polar style) depression my entire life. My depression is related to many issues ranging from Body Dysmorphic Disorder, to constant headaches, to loneliness, to sexual frustration. I feel that my brain just isn't wired properly and I don't feel like a normal person.

I also want to state that I live a life with absolutely no love at the moment. All my family are dead and I don't have a regular girlfriend. I probably could find a girlfriend (infact I know I can) but I won't settle for someone I don't feel is right for me on a number of levels... and I also think the vast majority of women would never accept a man who doesn't work. I haven't worked in years due to depression and disorders.

I'm a 36 year old male who lives alone.

Right now I am going through the most horrific bout of depression I have ever experienced in my life. So far it's lasted 3 full days/nights and in that time I have had around 4 hours sleep total. I haven't shaved or washed my hair in 3 days and that's absolutely unheard of for me. I'm usually always on top of my self-grooming. I just cannot stop my mind going a mile a minute with all sorts of dumb, negative thoughts. I've wanted to post this thread for about a day and a half, but couldn't even muster the strength to. I'm actually feeling slightly better at this current moment and that's how I've managed to put my thoughts down into a post. But knowing me, this better feeling won't last.

If there were a suicide scale from 1 - 10, with 10 being the most suicidal a person can get, I'd say I have hit 10 too many times to count in the past 3 days. Right now I'm at about a 6.

There's a few reasons I'm feeling this way. As silly as it sounds, I have the flu... and my mood might be made worse by that. I also have a bad groin strain so I'm in pain. But more importantly my ex, who has always cared for me and loved me, found someone else recently and I'm petrified she'll never call me again and that will leave me with no one. I don't want her back, we were terrible for eachother, but I just don't want to be a loner. She sounds so cold when I talk to her on the phone these days and it's destroying me. I always knew her as loving. We were together for 6 years and we split up around a month ago. I'm worried about the future and feel as if there's no hope.

Anyway, I know there's no real help for depression except self-help, so what I'm asking for is tips. I feel physically weak because of my depression and can't even get the housework done. I haven't eaten much in 3 days and the inside of my chest feels really fragile and painful. How do I build some physical strength up to maintain this somewhat good period of mood I have at the moment? Right now I'm watching live UFC and enjoying it to an extent. It's the first time I've enjoyed anything in 3 days. I have some stuff to do tomorrow and I need to improve my mood to do them. This is a crisis post.

Sorry for the long post.

Scream into a pillow. at the top of your lungs. For me, when nothing else is working to make the thoughts go away, I scream (the pillow mutes the sound so the neighbors don't hear). Sometimes you have to let it out, loudly. Be safe of course Zook, don't get yourself in trouble, but it might help to just let that negativity loose. If it's bad advice, then I apologise, but it seems to help me when it gets too much to deal with anymore.

Hairmonster12 said:

Scream into a pillow. at the top of your lungs. For me, when nothing else is working to make the thoughts go away, I scream (the pillow mutes the sound so the neighbors don't hear). Sometimes you have to let it out, loudly. Be safe of course Zook, don't get yourself in trouble, but it might help to just let that negativity loose. If it's bad advice, then I apologise, but it seems to help me when it gets too much to deal with anymore.

Click to expand...

That actually helped a little bit for a few minutes. Maybe it helps that I felt silly doing it which made me laugh.

But now my mind is starting to race again.

First of all, let me say that I've suffered with (bi-polar style) depression my entire life. My depression is related to many issues ranging from Body Dysmorphic Disorder, to constant headaches, to loneliness, to sexual frustration. I feel that my brain just isn't wired properly and I don't feel like a normal person.
(No one is normal its just a state of mind. If your not like a certain set of people it doesn't matter. Your you and thats what matters. Our difference make us unique)

I also want to state that I live a life with absolutely no love at the moment. All my family are dead and I don't have a regular girlfriend. I probably could find a girlfriend (infact I know I can) but I won't settle for someone I don't feel is right for me on a number of levels... and I also think the vast majority of women would never accept a man who doesn't work. I haven't worked in years due to depression and disorders.
(but I won't settle for someone I don't feel is right for me on a number of levels. Thats great settling would make you feel worse. Realize your worth something and need someone thats a right fit for you. This isn't the 1940 people understand more about depression these days. When you find the right woman she'll understand your conditions.)

I'm a 36 year old male who lives alone.
(36 is very young you still have plenty of time if you allow it)

Right now I am going through the most horrific bout of depression I have ever experienced in my life. So far it's lasted 3 full days/nights and in that time I have had around 4 hours sleep total. I haven't shaved or washed my hair in 3 days and that's absolutely unheard of for me. I'm usually always on top of my self-grooming. I just cannot stop my mind going a mile a minute with all sorts of dumb, negative thoughts. I've wanted to post this thread for about a day and a half, but couldn't even muster the strength to. I'm actually feeling slightly better at this current moment and that's how I've managed to put my thoughts down into a post. But knowing me, this better feeling won't last.
(I haven't shaved or washed my hair in 3 days and that's absolutely unheard of for me. You need to shave and wash your hair. Everytime you look in the mirror it makes you feel worse and worse. Its goin to be hard but you need to drag yourself into the shower. Focus on getting cleaned up and nothing else dont let your mind wander.)

If there were a suicide scale from 1 - 10, with 10 being the most suicidal a person can get, I'd say I have hit 10 too many times to count in the past 3 days. Right now I'm at about a 6.
(I dont know your pain but my friend your far to young to call it quits. Nothing is forever its your depression talking not you. Nothing is forever not even pain or sadness.)

There's a few reasons I'm feeling this way. As silly as it sounds, I have the flu... and my mood might be made worse by that. I also have a bad groin strain so I'm in pain. But more importantly my ex, who has always cared for me and loved me, found someone else recently and I'm petrified she'll never call me again and that will leave me with no one. I don't want her back, we were terrible for eachother, but I just don't want to be a loner. She sounds so cold when I talk to her on the phone these days and it's destroying me. I always knew her as loving. We were together for 6 years and we split up around a month ago. I'm worried about the future and feel as if there's no hope.
(She sounds so cold when I talk to her on the phone She has someone now you said she cant be lovey dovey with you no more thats disrespectful to the new person. I know it hurts but you said you guys were toxic for each other. 6 years yes is a long time but now you have time to find someone that will want and last more than 6 years. Its very hard to find love on your first try. Remember exes are exes for a reason. Your lonely right now so your remembering the good times instead of the times that got you guys to break up. Toxic relationships aren't good in the long run it eats away at your soul. You need someone that loves you for you. It will happen again time heals all wounds if you let it)

these days Anyway, I know there's no real help for depression except self-help, so what I'm asking for is tips. I feel physically weak because of my depression and can't even get the housework done. I haven't eaten much in 3 days and the inside of my chest feels really fragile and painful. How do I build some physical strength up to maintain this somewhat good period of mood I have at the moment? Right now I'm watching live UFC and enjoying it to an extent. It's the first time I've enjoyed anything in 3 days. I have some stuff to do tomorrow and I need to improve my mood to do them. This is a crisis post.
(You need to say fresia this honeysuckle and go do it. Realize your stronger than this and its not goin to hold you down. Theres lots of support groups for people with depression or that are bi polar. Never be embarrassed to ask for help. You only get one life and theres no return from death but there is a return from the sadness and depression.)

Sorry for the long post.
(Never apologize for seeking help its brave and a hard thing to do its the first step to recovery)

The BDD I completely understand, as I have it myself, so if you ever need to talk about that, just PM me here or in chat.

In regards to the job, have you ever considered working at home? It does take discipline to make yourself actually work, but it's something you could look into.

The depression is harder to handle, because it's pretty much on you to fix. We can give advice, but unless you make a plan and follow through, it likely won't get better. Make yourself do things, don't just sit at home and wallow, which is more often than not what depressed people do. Simple thing, but not easy to do. Find things you enjoy or think you might enjoy. Do something different, get out of your element.
For immediate help, screaming does help, exercise also works. Do you have a punching bag? That helps to get frustration out, but if you don't have one, try the bed, or a pillow, something soft so you won't hurt yourself.