breadbasket
Well-known member
I've already talked about my college experience. I'm just not keen on telling it again. But to make it brief. I feel like a failure. Ever since I began, I always had one class I failed at. I try to give it my all, but sometimes I find them confusing. I hate those online classes where I never interface with the teacher, not giving me a single ******* hint as to what to ******* do. I hate those classes because they have so little to do with the major I'm working towards. I wanted to be an aerospace engineer, so what the fresia does communication, philosophy and hawaiian history have anything to do with it. I couldn't really push myself to do those classes for a while. But when I learn, they just try to ******* stop me. I had a semester where everything was going well. After some time they just really want me to ******* explode. Out of nowhere, they lowered one of my passing classes to a fail for no ******* reason, lowering my GPA to less than 2. And one time I was just talkign with one of my friends about relationships and life. And someone got offended and reported me, so they had me banned from the tutoring center... yes, my place of study. And thus... i failed my first math class. I came home to angry parents who wanted to blame everything on me.
Today my dad would call me worthless and stupid, or some honeysuckle like that. He gets mad over the most punitive of things, and he thinks him misinterpreting it as rude is a ******* excuse. And for that, I want to ******* kill him. Some days ago he got mad because I pulled my shirt sleeve away. And by mad as in, he was smashing honeysuckle, yelling, and threatening to leave me out on the street. And he has the money, so if he wants to be this ******* mad, well he can. He can be as angry as he wants. I remember a time he threatened to divorce. Initially I was sad... but I sure as honeysuckle wasn't going to visit him. Too bad he actually stayed. My dad says so much bad things about me, I frankly believe him now. If he wants to kick me out and leave me to die, whatever. I don't feel much like living anyways.
I'm full of hatred anyways. If there is anything I inherited from my angry father who cant stop telling me how worthless I am, and how stupid I look, it's how much I hate other people. Allot of people I warmed up to, there is always a quality they have that makes me hate them. A personality trait, a belief or opinion political or personal, maybe something they did in the past that just makes me hate them for some reason. Because of this I pretty much pushed all of them away whenever I think about them too much. So yeah, I threatened allot of my friends actually, typically with death, torture, or rape. I've seen allot of them come and go. I hate myself for that. But that still doesn't stop me from hating them. There is a short term pleasure in seeing them cry or be angry though. I love it when they just say they thought I was a good person.
I've lost my ability to feel that love anymore. Everyone I see is just an enemy, such that I want to ******* kill. I fantasize performing mass killings, or just dragging people in to torture and kill them. Not for ransom or human trafficking. Just for the fun of it. I was disgusted by it at first but, I've grown fond of making my friends angry at me. Because I've just learned to hate them.
I've also grown an unbridled hatred and prejudice towards antitheists. One of my friends was an antitheists. I hated him once I realized he was one. I spent allot of time treating him like honeysuckle. It was fun. But I miss him because he was nice.
And I still want to go back though. I still want to see that time of hope. Or being kind and cherishing. People just treat me like honeysuckle or see me as honeysuckle. Why should I be nice anyways.
Today my dad would call me worthless and stupid, or some honeysuckle like that. He gets mad over the most punitive of things, and he thinks him misinterpreting it as rude is a ******* excuse. And for that, I want to ******* kill him. Some days ago he got mad because I pulled my shirt sleeve away. And by mad as in, he was smashing honeysuckle, yelling, and threatening to leave me out on the street. And he has the money, so if he wants to be this ******* mad, well he can. He can be as angry as he wants. I remember a time he threatened to divorce. Initially I was sad... but I sure as honeysuckle wasn't going to visit him. Too bad he actually stayed. My dad says so much bad things about me, I frankly believe him now. If he wants to kick me out and leave me to die, whatever. I don't feel much like living anyways.
I'm full of hatred anyways. If there is anything I inherited from my angry father who cant stop telling me how worthless I am, and how stupid I look, it's how much I hate other people. Allot of people I warmed up to, there is always a quality they have that makes me hate them. A personality trait, a belief or opinion political or personal, maybe something they did in the past that just makes me hate them for some reason. Because of this I pretty much pushed all of them away whenever I think about them too much. So yeah, I threatened allot of my friends actually, typically with death, torture, or rape. I've seen allot of them come and go. I hate myself for that. But that still doesn't stop me from hating them. There is a short term pleasure in seeing them cry or be angry though. I love it when they just say they thought I was a good person.
I've lost my ability to feel that love anymore. Everyone I see is just an enemy, such that I want to ******* kill. I fantasize performing mass killings, or just dragging people in to torture and kill them. Not for ransom or human trafficking. Just for the fun of it. I was disgusted by it at first but, I've grown fond of making my friends angry at me. Because I've just learned to hate them.
I've also grown an unbridled hatred and prejudice towards antitheists. One of my friends was an antitheists. I hated him once I realized he was one. I spent allot of time treating him like honeysuckle. It was fun. But I miss him because he was nice.
And I still want to go back though. I still want to see that time of hope. Or being kind and cherishing. People just treat me like honeysuckle or see me as honeysuckle. Why should I be nice anyways.