Just another lonely day!

Hi there. I'm 19. I've been spending a lot of time at home for the past 2 months and I am free till August. I have a tiny circle of friends. I've been feeling so lonely these days. All of my friends are in a relationship and I'm the only one who is single. When we go out together, their boyfriends/best friends will tag along and I don’t bring anyone. I do feel left out and pathetic. Getting teased by my friends is normal and I don't really mind it. I just feel like I’m not close to them as I used to now. Besides they are the only friends I have...

I've always been a shy, quiet girl. It takes me a long time to warm up to someone unless we have a common interest or when I feel like that person cares to listen to what I have to say. I'm also not close to my relatives.

Here's the thing. I want to have a meaningful conversation with someone/close friend. I don't share problems with my friends and they never shared theirs with me because they have their own set of best friends. What is everyone's favorite topic? Themselves.Let's share with each other how our days went, our fears, aspirations and stuff that people normally talk about. I have to meet new people first but I ALWAYS feel like I'm not good enough for others..

Examples:
1. I start to feel anxious when someone new talks to me. I don't know what to reply. When it comes to instant messaging, I might use words like "haha okay" and "cool". It is a conversation killer. I don't mean to end the conversation so quickly

2. I often ask this question to myself. "Would he/she accept me for who I am and invest their time in friendship?". I always assume that the answer is "NO". I see myself as a nobody and that no one wants me. I just stay away from people so that I don't get hurt. That's why I don't approach people first. This is how I think and I stick to that mentality. How do I break away from this cycle?

I've come across people who are so nice and friendly. I wish I could get to know them better and hang out sometime but it's not that easy for me to even reach that stage. Maybe I should just continue to live this lonely life instead of keeping my hopes up. But deep inside I know that I would be extremely HAPPY to be able to find someone that I can relate to and talk about our lives for once.

I often spend my time learning about entrepreneurship and photography. Doing that almost everyday is getting boring. I can't use them as a distraction anymore. So yeah. Just another lonely day! I just feel like I have to prove myself that I’m still worth it. Anyone else who feel the same way?

Thanks for reading this messy rant post!

(If you actually made it here heh)

Hey there!

First of all, welcome to the forum. ;D

It's great that you already know what you want and what problems you're facing. I know how hard it is to just open our mouth and try to start a conversation with someone we think is nice/cool/awesome. Do you feel nervous and like they'll be not interested in what you have to say?

Photography and entrepreneurship... I'm photographer and also like reading entrepreneurship sites/books!
What kind of photography you like the most?


(Sorry for bad english, still working on it)

Hey, welcome to the forum.

I know it sounds a bit trite but, getting out there and talking to people might be your answer. Finding new people who you can talk about those things with. I know ALL has a chatroom, you might look there for some online interactions. Get out of your shell and all that. After all, can't meet new people if you don't go out and look for them.

Hi lostsoulx,

I can relate to everything you said in your post (being anxious when speaking to someone new, being skeptical of the idea of anyone having interest in me, sometimes wanting to give up and accept the loneliness, etc).

I'm still working on it, but I think the important thing to realize and always remind yourself of is that things CAN change if you want them to. Being social is a skill like any other, and it's one that you can learn and become better at over time with practice.

Really, it's probably something we should get taught in school, as it's the single most important skill a person can have. But instead we're expected to just learn it on our own as we grow up. Some of us just don't, or aren't as natural at it. So we have to do it the hard way.

There are resources though. Forums like this, of course, but there's this one site I recently discovered, succeedsocially.com, that has a large collection of free articles on overcoming social awkwardness and anxiety and obtaining a better social life. Very useful information there. It won't give you any magic bullets, but it will help a lot.

Also, practice makes perfect. You can get an account on meetup.com, look for meetups in your area, and try to connect with entirely new people. Try to find meetups for what interests you. In my area there are photography and entrepreneur meetups, so there might be some in your area too. There may even be group meetups specifically for social anxiety as well (there are in mine). If you used the other site, succeedsocially, you can try practicing some of the tips you learn there at meetups.

Practice, practice, practice. It may take a lot of work to get where you want to be. But you're 19, so you have lots of time (probably!). If you can, try to have some patience with yourself as you progress.

Hope some of that helps. Now I just need to take my own advice so I can stop being so lonely too!

Good Luck!

Well i think you are too sensitive girl and thats way you have such problems .You could read prsonal development books they helped me a lot ,also Tony Robins its awesome