The love / hate of loneliness ...

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FarahFalak

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A lonely island
Hello to all ...

my native language is not english so i apologize in advance for my bad grammar

To have reached lifes Mountain Top can mean Victory but also loneliness ...

i have suffered a lot of cruelty in this what seems to be such a long lifetime ( age 43 ) . i had to deal with many horrible things and on top of it i battle with numerous illnesses yet i survived a lot and some i still battle . Sometimes i wonder how i managed it all ... i never grew up with loving people / parents ( abuse ) yet i was or am able to show much love to others and am always there when someone needs me . All my life i wore this mask and pretended to be this happy person and to so many i appear so strong but i feel lately my facade is crumbling down . in 2009 i was diagnosed with Cancer and even that could not shake me , i treated it like a flu and told myself it would pass and i really dont pay it that much importance . i have lost some '' friends '' due to the fact that the Doctors told me that i will kick the Bucket within 5 years and some could not deal with that . i made new friends also ...
i was working for the Military but had to quit my job due to my illness which left me devastated but came to accept that i will no longer be able to work .

The past years i started to withdraw from a lot of people , nothing makes sense anymore i just feel people have become so superficial and nothing has deep meanings anymore .Some People enjoy being rude and immoral so it seems . i just cant cope with many people anymore ... i know it is probably me but still i feel so much has changed in this world and all too quickly !
So many hypocrites , liars , players and cruelness ... maybe i am just depressed ( lol , i know i am ) but i still treat people with the utmost respect . i just feel the world has become so hostile . i miss having deep and meaningful conversations , i miss myself smiling and laughing ...

i never have or had problems making friends but now i have chosen to be alone and i love and hate it , i cant explain ... but loneliness is a killer !!! i stared at my screen the other day and just typed ''alone'' and the first thing appeared was this site ...

i am deeply sorry for my rant but i just feel so really really tired lately mentally and physically ... but i take it day by day in hopes to one day find my smile again ...

thanks for reading ...
 
You don't have anything to be sorry about for venting your feelings. It helps to get it out sometimes and by doing so, you might even find a friend.
Feel free to check out the chat room, if you're interested :)
 
TY TRC

my heart just seems so full at this time or point in my life and Thanx for understanding ...
Yes , a understanding friend would do ... i just need to let it happen
 
Sorry you have to go through all this : ( .. I can only give you more *snickers* and gentle *hugs*
 
TheRealCallie said:
I'm sure you'll find quite a few people here that you mesh well with. :)

FarahFalak said:
yes, in the Chocolate World there is no bitterness ...

Unsweetened chocolate is actually quite bitter.....

(sorry, couldn't resist :p )

Hehe .. yup depends upon the Chocolate one chooses
 
CodeX said:
TheRealCallie said:
I'm sure you'll find quite a few people here that you mesh well with. :)

FarahFalak said:
yes, in the Chocolate World there is no bitterness ...

Unsweetened chocolate is actually quite bitter.....

(sorry, couldn't resist :p )

Hehe .. yup depends upon the Chocolate one chooses

Google says this hhhhh

THE TRUTH IS OFTEN BITTERSWEET...: CHOCOLATE DOES A HEART GOOD
 

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Man you are an example for us you are powerful like a rock .A lot of problems hit you and you still have power to fight i apreciate this .You are right today people are very bad ,cruel ,with more faces and on interest also .A good way to make my life better its throught gratitude ,i just walk in nature and i am grateful for all wonderful things that god give us and this make me too feel better
 
It is hard to find friends that are in the same frequency as you. And from what and how you have wrote, I feel that you are a person seeking meaningful conversations. I feel that you want , like me, so much to put down this screen and if find someone to talk with.

I like to think that first we need to know ourselves. And then seek people who are in the same frequency as we are, and which would be open to talk about mutual interests.

I am oging through an instrospective loneliness myself right now. I am in NY, by myself (I traveled here from Rio, Brazil), with no one but me. And I am going through a spiritual awakening phase, but I have no one to talk to. I do have my girlfriend and my parents and my friends but my friends won't answer back because they are all too busy with tests and exams all the time. And my parents won't understand, since they haven't touched in spiritual knowledge or practise.

I think that the best thing for us is finding an actual physical group of people. A fixed one. A group who is willing to talk and think like we do.
 
It really is a love/hate thing. I like the calm and quiet of it, but I miss the mental connection and physical intimacy of being with someone. I want someone to be alone with. If that makes any sense.
 
I love being alone, seriously love being away from other people. The only reason makes me hate this, ironically is also because of other people. It's every animal instinct to take advantage over the weaker, and by being alone you appear to be vulnerable. I'm not even speaking about thieving or any other criminal related. Just, for example, your neighbors who are a group of muscular young men living together, and love to party every other day. You're a woman living on your own and doesn't matter how many time you tell them to turn the music down, they wouldn't listen. Sure you can call the cops, but that's still a hassle, and they still have other way to get back at you. If you make a huge deal out of something that simple, now you appear to be cranky and other neighbors might start to hate you too.

Yet the situation would be very different if you're a woman living with your husband, children and having frequent visit from friends and extended family.
 
There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. One is a situation and the other is a state of mind. I've know people who live alone and are perfectly content with their situation. Others I've know have been relationships or surrounded by people and have felt a great deal of loneliness.

I've discovered that most of the loneliness I have experienced in my life has been a result of my own attitudes and thinking. Not to say that there aren't outside circumstances that can trigger loneliness, but whatever those circumstances may be, we're the only ones who can determine our own state of mind. It's not always easy by any stretch, and there is no quick fix for loneliness. Society teaches us loneliness and being alone are one in the same, which is hogwash. In fact, I have found that taking "alone time" has led to a greater appreciation of the relationships I have because it teaches me to be comfortable with myself. The more I appreciate the wholeness of who I am, the more I find I am able to give to the people I love.
 

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