Friend seems to dislike me

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jashley

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I am so upset, this girl from my church who I thought was my friend had a ladies night get together and posted pictures on FB, and when I asked what it was for and if it was dress shopping she said "No. We were hanging out. And you dont need to be at every social thing I do, ok? Im sorry, but no." What the heck? She hasnt ever invited me to a single social thing shes done, ever. And then I said well sorry for asking I just felt excluded. She said theres no reason you should have felt excluded. But isnt that what you just did? And then to follow it up with an exclusive remark of I dont need to be at every social event you do. Wth? On top of that sh d made a fb post about a sushi get together and when I responded told me itwas cancelled and woulc reschedule it fof next week, then ended up cancelling again because she forgot sh ed had an appointment to get her phone fixed. Then she glared at me at church and didnt end up going to a small group prayer meeting that she was goingto go to after seeing that I was there. I dont know what to do_Omg I was at a church small group party last night and sitting with these people friends around a table when suddenly they these two friends just got up and left without even saying goodbye or anything. One of them said brb and then left. Why would they do that?? I FB messaged one of them after and said hey did you leave? I was going to say bye. And they said yeah, sorry, I kind of snuck out. No reason, I just left.
 
This is a difficult and painful situation for you and this girl is not handling it with kindness or with respect towards you or your feelings. I think that she clearly feels that you want to spend more time with her than she is willing to spend with you and she feels under pressure and invaded because of this and is being very blunt and harsh in pushing you away because of how stressed she is feeling. It isn't a fault in you that you want more from her than she is willing to give-it is that she doesn't value your friendship as much as you value hers. To be honest, I would try very hard to walk away from her. There will be other people out there who will offer you friendship, who will value you properly.
When it comes to churches, I have often found that they can be the hardest places to make new friends at. It shouldn't be this way, but so often it is.
 
Forget this person. They aren't really your friend and are not worth the unhappiness.
 
Sadly, I've met many people just like your "friend"; it's been my personal experience that church is where you'll be sure to find the most phony, judgmental, nasty, hateful, screwed up people. Forget those losers, they're not worth any more of your time.
 
excuse me for preying, but is this the bride of the other thread?
 
my experience with religion ...some of the most hypocritical people I have ever met
 
BadGuy and Crazy Squirrel...I so agree!!!
I am an atheist now.

Which I tried religion...I never met so many hateful, excluding people in my life! :( All I wanted at that time was to have support and friends but seeing how cruel they were chased me away!
 
Honestly, that kind of situation is No Win. You are understandably hurt. You were excluded or at least no actively included. But, asking about it or expressing your hurt to them often makes things worse in my opinion. I mean, they either want to include you or they don't. So, why make yourself feel worse to confront them. Usually you get the response you did, which was now they will avoid you and try to make you feel worse. Just saying it rarely helps anything to try to hold their feet to the fire.
Honestly, some people just suck. They do. And, move on from them. Engaging them is a waste of your time.
 
Paraiyar said:
Forget this person. They aren't really your friend and are not worth the unhappiness.

i like this statement. :)

It can be very difficult to let go of something if that something is all you have.

So good luck on whatever you decide.
 
You believed she was your friend but she was not.

There comes a time when you have to realise that there is no friendship between you, only acquaintanceship.

Unfortunately (for whatever reason) a friendship will not happen in the way that you need and wish for.

I've been there, in a similar situation and there's not a thing that can be done about it so be nice and polite to her but look elsewhere for friendship.

Essentially, I would advise you not to waste anymore of your time on pursuing this idea that you can become good friends.

The truth can be a bitter pill to swallow but it is also said that the truth will set you free.
 
LonesomeDay said:
You believed she was your friend but she was not.

There comes a time when you have to realise that there is no friendship between you, only acquaintanceship.

Unfortunately (for whatever reason) a friendship will not happen in the way that you need and wish for.

I've been there, in a similar situation and there's not a thing that can be done about it so be nice and polite to her but look elsewhere for friendship.

Essentially, I would advise you not to waste anymore of your time on pursuing this idea that you can become good friends.

The truth can be a bitter pill to swallow but it is also said that the truth will set you free.
What makes you say a friendship will not happen in the way I need or wish for? And why do you say she isn't a friend?
 
jashley said:
What makes you say a friendship will not happen in the way I need or wish for? And why do you say she isn't a friend?

Does she invite you anywhere? Does she talk to you outside of church?
If the answer is no, she's not your friend.

Does she avoid you? Hug others and not you?
If the answer is yes, she is not your friend.


Seriously, take the hint. Worry about yourself, instead of what she is or isn't doing for you.
 
jashley said:
What makes you say a friendship will not happen in the way I need or wish for? And why do you say she isn't a friend?

Jashley, I cannot be 100% sure but from the way you put it, this woman does not regard you as a friend - and isn't showing signs of letting you into her life in that way.

She seems to exclude you in her social life to a great extent.

Does she ever initiate conversation with you outside of church, want to get to know you and spend time with you?

Is she ever there for you?

Those are elements of friendship that go beyond acquaintanceship.

I understand how hurtful her behaviour is and how painful rejection feels. I've been there too.

It's time to step back and focus on yourself now in order to heal.

She knows where to find you if she wants to.
 

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