How/where can you meet girls when you are really shy?

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msbxa

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I feel like I will never be able to meet someone special because I am too shy, I don't seem to connect to or relate to anyone around where I live, and I am not able to open myself up.

Are males always the ones that are expected to initiate something? What if you are just not that type of person? Aren't other people supposed to accept and respect other people's differences? Are there any females out there that will initiate communication, etc.?

I feel like I need a private and secure atmosphere in order to be able to slowly open myself up enough to talk to the opposite sex, and have or even initiate communication, because they never do with me. But in our society, there just never seems like that opportunity is ever there. There are always people everywhere that can observe me, never feel like I can open myself up when that is the case.

Online dating & internet does not work for me. Women are just simply too unresponsive to me on there and I am sick of it.

Where the heck could I or anyone else that is like me meet an attractive person of the opposite sex to just have in their life?
I find some females to be quite lovely and attractive and feel like I need them in my life to some degree otherwise I don't think I can ever really be happy. I honestly don't really have much desire to interact with anyone else.
I feel like it is the thing that I am missing. But I am unable to get it.
 
To be honest I'm not sure whether there is anywhere for that. You'd be better off putting your full effort into trying to build your confidence and lessening your shyness. You say that you aren't the type of person to initiate something but you might have to work at becoming that person to that degree in order to get what you want.
 
A shy people's support group?

But seriously, yeah, you might want to work on getting yourself more confident instead of trying to find somewhere that probably doesn't exist. Check out the chat room. If not here, then somewhere else. It'll give you practice talking to girls. :)
 
Online. That's how I've done it so far. Talking online allows some of the anxious and awkwardness of it by the time you actually meet.
 
I think it's silly how some people see shyness as a bad thing... It's not but definitely agreeing with others that with more confidence, the shyness maybe lessens over time. Good luck!
 
lonelyfairy said:
I think it's silly how some people see shyness as a bad thing... It's not but definitely agreeing with others that with more confidence, the shyness maybe lessens over time. Good luck!

Is not shy people who see it that way.
 
Xpendable said:
lonelyfairy said:
I think it's silly how some people see shyness as a bad thing... It's not but definitely agreeing with others that with more confidence, the shyness maybe lessens over time. Good luck!

Is not shy people who see it that way.

I know MANY shy people who see it as a bad thing, so I don't know what you're going on about.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Xpendable said:
lonelyfairy said:
I think it's silly how some people see shyness as a bad thing... It's not but definitely agreeing with others that with more confidence, the shyness maybe lessens over time. Good luck!

Is not shy people who see it that way.

I know MANY shy people who see it as a bad thing, so I don't know what you're going on about.

They think is bad because they have been told it is, or have being treated in a certain way for being shy. We have created this narrative in society where shyness must be something to overcome.
 
Xpendable said:
TheRealCallie said:
Xpendable said:
lonelyfairy said:
I think it's silly how some people see shyness as a bad thing... It's not but definitely agreeing with others that with more confidence, the shyness maybe lessens over time. Good luck!

Is not shy people who see it that way.

I know MANY shy people who see it as a bad thing, so I don't know what you're going on about.

They think is bad because they have been told it is, or have being treated in a certain way for being shy. We have created this narrative in society where shyness must be something to overcome.

No, they think it is bad because it limits what they do and who they talk to. Shy people don't often take the initiative when it comes to talking to people, therefore, they typically miss out on opportunities that people who aren't shy get.
Shy people put limitations on THEMSELVES.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with shy people. I am friends with quite a few shy people and I wouldn't change them for anything (other than maybe some more confidence).
But, tell me, how are the horrible people you mentioned before telling shy people it's bad any different from you telling shy people what they really think and why they think that?
 
TheRealCallie said:
No, they think it is bad because it limits what they do and who they talk to. Shy people don't often take the initiative when it comes to talking to people, therefore, they typically miss out on opportunities that people who aren't shy get.

And that's our way of punish them for not talking?

Have you ever being able to judge a person for other thing that how often do they talk?. I found people who talk all the time so overrated to the point I ask myself what are we really compensating? We like non-shy people because they talk or because they actually say something worth listen to?
After all, we are the ones providing this oportunities to the shy people or we are also denying them based in how their silence makes us feel. If you consider belonging to a certain group of people who talk more as beneficial, good for you, but you're admiting we are setting this world to benefit extroverts only because they call our attention more and not for making an actual contribution to society.


TheRealCallie said:
But, tell me, how are the horrible people you mentioned before telling shy people it's bad any different from you telling shy people what they really think and why they think that?

Is different because I don't believe is a disability or make me feel uncomfortable. i'm not judging people as less for not talking too much. Also coming from a shy person as myself, I get a lot of honeysuckle for having to accept the fact that people don't care for having the work of knowing me better. They aren't willing to put the effort I put in knowing other shy people who happen to have a better spirit and mind than most people think because they assume shy people have nothing to say.
 
Xpendable said:
Is different because I don't believe is a disability or make me feel uncomfortable. i'm not judging people as less for not talking too much. Also coming from a shy person as myself, I get a lot of honeysuckle for having to accept the fact that people don't care for having the work of knowing me better. They aren't willing to put the effort I put in knowing other shy people who happen to have a better spirit and mind than most people think because they assume shy people have nothing to say.

I'm a somewhat shy person myself but this paragraph sounds so entitled. Like you think people have an obligation to make the effort to get to know you and are in the wrong for not pushing past your shyness. In reality, if you want people to see the best of you then it is up to you to make that happen.
 
I sounds to you, but I said that I put effort in other people; shy or not. If they don't care to know me, that's fine. I can know how people are, independent if they talk a lot or not.
 
Xpendable said:
I sounds to you, but I said that I put effort in other people; shy or not. If they don't care to know me, that's fine. I can know how people are, independent if they talk a lot or not.

I hate to break this to you, but that's true whether you are shy or not. Not everyone WANTS to get to know you. Not everyone WANTS to see beyond what they see on the surface.
I'm certainly not shy and quite a few of you don't bother to see anything except what YOU want to see. I guess that means that it's all your fault that you dismiss me because you don't take the time to get to know me. That's what you said, isn't it?

Whether you are shy or not, if people don't get to know you when you want to know them and you get all butthurt over it, that's entirely on you. Not everyone will want to know you and if you say it's because you are shy, THAT is the cop out. THAT is an excuse.
 
Xpendable said:
I sounds to you, but I said that I put effort in other people; shy or not. If they don't care to know me, that's fine. I can know how people are, independent if they talk a lot or not.

Without having meet you in person, I can't determine how well you actually make the effort. But that doesn't change the fact that like RBC said, shy people tend to miss a lot of opportunities. That is good enough reason to work on confidence in my opinion.
 
TheRealCallie said:
I hate to break this to you, but that's true whether you are shy or not. Not everyone WANTS to get to know you. Not everyone WANTS to see beyond what they see on the surface.

Not braking anything. I learned that at very young age. Honestly what else can you expect from people?

TheRealCallie said:
I'm certainly not shy and quite a few of you don't bother to see anything except what YOU want to see.
I guess that means that it's all your fault that you dismiss me because you don't take the time to get to know me. That's what you said, isn't it?

I don't get it. Are you quoting me?

If that's so. It's not a "fault", I'm copletely ok with people not caring about me. It's their choice. Maybe we don't even get along anyway and that can be discovered very early in a realtionship. I won't dismiss anyone for not talking to me, but I will when I discover how they are in the bottom. Too bad if that's doesn't sound right. All of us do it, we choose to relate with the ones that fit better with ourselves. Most of the time, for me, the people that don`t fit happen to be loud extroverts. It's what I feel and has worked fine for me.

TheRealCallie said:
Whether you are shy or not, if people don't get to know you when you want to know them and you get all butthurt over it, that's entirely on you. Not everyone will want to know you and if you say it's because you are shy, THAT is the cop out. THAT is an excuse.

If they don't want to know me, that's the perfect evidence I need to know I don't need to know them either. All the people that has been interested in me or wanted to know me in my life have been reciprocaly interesting and different from the rest. People who are different or don't fit tend to gravitate towards eachother very easily. I don't feel like I've lost something when someone dismiss me, doesn't matter how popular or charismatic they seem to others, I know they won't bring nothing new to the table in my case. So it's not an excuse because I'm not complaining, I'm saying shy people don't need to be validated by the non-shy at all, and it may be important for everyone to know that.
 
Paraiyar said:
Without having meet you in person, I can't determine how well you actually make the effort. But that doesn't change the fact that like RBC said, shy people tend to miss a lot of opportunities. That is good enough reason to work on confidence in my opinion.

Opportunities to what? Can you name something so important and unequivocally elemental to have to change yourself to accommodate others?
 
Xpendable said:
Paraiyar said:
Without having meet you in person, I can't determine how well you actually make the effort. But that doesn't change the fact that like RBC said, shy people tend to miss a lot of opportunities. That is good enough reason to work on confidence in my opinion.

Opportunities to what? Can you name something so important and unequivocally elemental to have to change yourself to accommodate others?

Does the title of the thread not spell out at least one obvious reason? The OP finds it hard to meet women because of his shyness. Clearly that is an issue if it's enough for him to post about. I've seen people post about how shyness has stopped them from going to group meetups for hobbies as well and I think it's safe to say it has potentially negative career implications. And I don't see it as changing yourself just for other people, it's about improving yourself to get what you want from life.
 
I think OP is great the way he is.

So, being shy is something that you should improve from. I see, so being shy is bad and being less shy makes you a better person. Got it.
 
Xpendable said:
If you consider belonging to a certain group of people who talk more as beneficial, good for you, but you're admiting we are setting this world to benefit extroverts only because they call our attention more and not for making an actual contribution to society

Out of curiosity, how do you think society should be reordered so that shy people are given their fair chance?
 

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