Can men be faithfull in a long relationship?

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mauthecat

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I have been in long relationships, most of which have ended up with a men cheating on me.

last night after years of not going out i went out on a date. the guy was divorced so i asked why did he got divorced, or why did his other relationships have not worked.
he literally said it was his fault, and that he knows because of his friends is always or at least mostly the mens fault when relationships dont work out because men can not be faithfull that only birds are meant to be faithfull, that guys after a year or so loose complete interest in being with their wifes sexually and start going either to brothels or have a misstres on the side.

as a single woman i have to say that he crushed my dreams, i dont want to engage in a relationship if i know for a fact that after a while the man i love is going to start cheating on me. that would totally break my heart again and has made me think i should give up on finding a relationship all together because it wouldnt make any sense to set yourself up for failure.

Please tell me the truth guys, is he telling the truth or is he just an ass.
 
I think he's projecting his experience and therefore also his personal inabilities on all men. I've actually bothered to read some studies on this which suggest that infidelity between men and women is distributed rather evenly these days. It's certainly not mostly men's fault if relationships fail and definitely not because of sex or promiscuity alone.

It always takes two to tango. Many issues can be resolved if both parties are interested in dealing with the problem and simply bother communicating. Sadly that's not a common thing.
 
Of course they can. Im not sure it's even tied to gender. Lots of people cheat. Lots of people don't cheat.
 
Yes definitely they can be, i know many guys who are happy with the girl they are with and don't need to find someone else on the side.

Sounds like he is an ass who does he think he is tony soprano lol.

For myself i never had a problem with being with just one person (for 10 years) and i tend to find the person i am with more attractive as time goes on as you get closer and more in tune with them.
 
The title of this thread annoyed me a bit and I was going to say something sarcastic and snarky but then I actually read your post and realized that you're just coming from a place of hurt. So I'll just say that I believe it is possible for men to be monogamous.
 
Rodent said:
I think he's projecting his experience and therefore also his personal inabilities on all men. I've actually bothered to read some studies on this which suggest that infidelity between men and women is distributed rather evenly these days. It's certainly not mostly men's fault if relationships fail and definitely not because of sex or promiscuity alone.

It always takes two to tango. Many issues can be resolved if both parties are interested in dealing with the problem and simply bother communicating. Sadly that's not a common thing.
guys are not likely cheating with each other
 
BadGuy said:
guys are not likely cheating with each other

As in homosexual men...or what do you refer to? Most of the infidelity studies I've seen dealt with heterosexual marriages and since same-sex marriage is only a recent thing...that's something to be determined at another time. I'm kinda pissed I only saw it in regards to marriage, but I guess it's because of the "commitment" aspect that highlights cheating even more than in a long-term relationship.
 
SofiasMami said:
He's telling you his truth. Believe him.

-Teresa

This. ^ It took me a second to get this - at first glance, I thought it said 'Yes, he's telling the truth, believe him' and I was going to get all defensive on behalf of men everywhere. Upon reading it again, I realized it says 'HIS' truth - big, big difference. Brilliant advice - follow it.
 
Thanks, ringwood :)
The man the OP met for a date gave her a gift by telling her exactly how he would treat her in a relationship. If a man I just met told me he cheats in his relationships, I would tell him to go jump in a lake.

-Teresa
 
At least he's being very upfront about the kind of man he's going to be,so he has probably saved you a lot of time wondering. Not all men cheat,and I say that coming out of a really bad relationship myself.
 
Rodent said:
As in homosexual men...or what do you refer to?

I can't speak for badguy but i took it as saying that it isn't just a male thing.

As for the original question, of course men can be faithful. Some choose not to be and may even try to justify it by claiming that that only birds are meant to be faithful or some other dumb assed claims.
 
Minus said:
I can't speak for badguy but i took it as saying that it isn't just a male thing.

Yeah, I when I first read it I wasn't entirely sure whether he was disagreeing with something in my original statement or just emphasizing this. I did mean that both males and females evenly initiate the cheating after all. Went too far down the rabbit hole there...
 
I am thinking men are not always cheating with single women
 
BadGuy said:
I am thinking men are not always cheating with single women

I've considered this: Certainly not always. For all I know it would even out the numbers again if women are cheating with the same ratio of married and single men at least. But I don't know about that really...
 
I am sorry if some understood I was being disrespectful to men in general.

I was just asking because in most of my relationships i got cheated on. And I thought maybe it was just because they were young or things like this.

but to meet a 45 year old guy that is supposedly more mature telling me on the first date that all men cheat. it just really made me think maybe it is true what he said, and that i am searching for something that is impossible to find.

i felt my soul just hit rock bottom, maybe i am just meant to be alone, because like i said who wants to give her heart just to have it broken over and over again.

My question was not meant to be offensive I just needed to know if there is hope or if I should give up.
 
My opinion might be unpopular but it is what I think....

I think both genders cheat and cheat a lot......

I view a physical betrayal the same as an emotional one...the relationships that the significant other does not tell you about in which they share their heart with the opposite sex is cheating on me.....

GL Op..I hope you find someone that is loyal and continues to interest you
 
mauthecat said:
My question was not meant to be offensive I just needed to know if there is hope or if I should give up.

Do not give up. There are good men out there. I say that because I believe I'm one of those men.

All men do not cheat. Trust me. I have never cheated on anyone, but a woman cheated on me, so I'd never want to inflict that kind of pain on anyone. Cheating is not in our DNA. We don't get an infidelity gene when we hit puberty. Honestly, what that man told you was only true from his point of view, which tells you all you need to know about him and him alone.

I think it would be a mistake to give up based on the infidelity of a small percentage of men in your life. Maybe a better thing to discuss with a new date is empathy. Those who cheat on a regular basis tend to have less empathy for person they are hurting, and they are often more narcissistic. Not all cheaters lack empathy, but the less empathy, the easier it is for the cheater to convince themselves that their awful behavior is okay, as if it's just another conquest.

So, if you get a sense that a new date lacks empathy for his fellow man, for previous relationships, or for animals, that may be an indicator of the kind of man you want to avoid. FWIW.
 

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