Dealing with death

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Fustar

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My sister died in a car wreck in September. Its something that happened so suddenly I guess I really haven't dealt with it. I was dealing with as much as I could so everyone else could grieve. I had moments where I thought I was gonna completely lose it, and having counseled in the past, I knew it would happen as soon as I had the chance to. However it never happened, and now I wonder if there is something wrong with me or maybe I'm just really good at coping with things. The guy that hit her was drunk and on drugs and having worked in rehab trying to help with people who have those problems it kinda pissed me off. I thought I would flip way more than I did, which wasn't at all. Plus my sister worked to help women who have been domestically abused. So I thought I would end up hating the world, but no. I mean i thought I would have some kind of breakdown, but I haven't. Now the man is having his trial 2 days before my birthday and 7 days before my sisters. Still no big response which is not normal for me, I get pissed at things like this and here I am perfectly fine. Unless I'm not and just don't know it. I know all about the stages of grief and know that each person goes through them differently, but I don't feel like I've gone through them at all. Im hoping talking about it will help me out. I know everyone goes through dealing with death of loved ones, and am hoping someone has some insight. Even though I would like to think I can deal with anything all by myself, and maybe that's my problem.
 
Im sorry to hear about your sister and participate in your grief.
A "normal" person wouldnt deal with it so calmly as you, so i have to ask, is there something else youre no telling?
 
Nicholas said:
Im sorry to hear about your sister and participate in your grief.
A "normal" person wouldnt deal with it so calmly as you, so i have to ask, is there something else youre no telling?

Really? What exactly is a normal reaction to the death of a sibling supposed to look like?
 
You sound as though you are emotionally numb which is just as normal a reaction to death as crying and breaking down. When something like this happens, your feelings can close down to protect you against them. It also sounds as though you are repressing your feelings so that others can grieve. Dealing with everything by yourself is too much to carry. It's good you have come here.
 
Paraiyar said:
Nicholas said:
Im sorry to hear about your sister and participate in your grief.
A "normal" person wouldnt deal with it so calmly as you, so i have to ask, is there something else youre no telling?

Really? What exactly is a normal reaction to the death of a sibling supposed to look like?

Not really sure what normal is, pretty sure there is nothing normal besides what society wishes to deem so. And no there is nothing else to tell. I think I'm just good at dealing with things or really good at compartmentalizing. However I thought I would be dealing with it a lot differently.
 
Tiina63 said:
You sound as though you are emotionally numb which is just as normal a reaction to death as crying and breaking down. When something like this happens, your feelings can close down to protect you against them. It also sounds as though you are repressing your feelings so that others can grieve. Dealing with everything by yourself is too much to carry. It's good you have come here.

That's a good thought Tina63. I've been talking about it a little bit but mostly avoid it. I am hoping putting it all out there helps me deal a little better. I don't feel emotionally numb though, more like emotionally impaired perhaps. But not really sure how one is supossed to feel since everyone is different and acts completely different to loss. No clear cut answer o. This one I'm afraid.
 
Paraiyar said:
Nicholas said:
Im sorry to hear about your sister and participate in your grief.
A "normal" person wouldnt deal with it so calmly as you, so i have to ask, is there something else youre no telling?

Really? What exactly is a normal reaction to the death of a sibling supposed to look like?

Hey... Wanna find out? You know what to do
 
Fustar said:
Paraiyar said:
Nicholas said:
Im sorry to hear about your sister and participate in your grief.
A "normal" person wouldnt deal with it so calmly as you, so i have to ask, is there something else youre no telling?

Really? What exactly is a normal reaction to the death of a sibling supposed to look like?

Not really sure what normal is, pretty sure there is nothing normal besides what society wishes to deem so. And no there is nothing else to tell. I think I'm just good at dealing with things or really good at compartmentalizing. However I thought I would be dealing with it a lot differently.

Im not talking about what society thinks is how you should grief, im talking about a persons feelings. Im pretty sure that people are in agony and confussed when that kind of stuff happenes, at first at least.
I knew a girl that talked alot about suicide and such, when she finally did it, not much of us been suprised, or shocked. You see where im hading?
 
There is NOTHING wrong with you and there is NO normal way of dealing with death. Period, there is absolutely no normal. We all grieve differently and there is nothing wrong with each person's approach.

However, honestly, it kind of sounds like you won't let yourself deal with it. I mean, you know it happened and that she's not coming back, but you make yourself numb to it, like Tiina said. I would imagine it will hit you, eventually. But if you were putting your own feeling/grief aside to help everyone else deal with things, it wouldn't be hard at all for you to stay numb to it and just keep living withing dealing with it at all.

When you are ready, you will let yourself feel it, let yourself grieve. Until then, just keep doing what your doing and maybe try to aid in what she was working on with domestic abuse or help with people in rehab so no one else has to go through what you did. Do something FOR her, to honor her, if that makes sense.
 
Nicholas said:
Im sorry to hear about your sister and participate in your grief.
A "normal" person wouldnt deal with it so calmly as you, so i have to ask, is there something else youre no telling?

Your responses on this thread are rude and unhelpful.


To the OP - There is no "normal" grief response to tragedy. We all deal with it in our own way. The "5 stages of grief" may have a grain of truth in it for some people but even that is a bit of a cliché.

I'm just curious - do you have a supportive family? How did your parents deal with your sister's death?

-Teresa
 
SofiasMami said:
Nicholas said:
Im sorry to hear about your sister and participate in your grief.
A "normal" person wouldnt deal with it so calmly as you, so i have to ask, is there something else youre no telling?

Your responses on this thread are rude and unhelpful.


To the OP - There is no "normal" grief response to tragedy. We all deal with it in our own way. The "5 stages of grief" may have a grain of truth in it for some people but even that is a bit of a cliché.

I'm just curious - do you have a supportive family? How did your parents deal with your sister's death?

-Teresa

My family is very supportive, they even told me I need to find a way to grieve. I just keep doing what I do and if it happens it happens. Maybe I don't grieve with tears and breakdowns. First time I've been through something this close to home. You always think you'll act differently til it actually happens.
 
Nicholas said:
Paraiyar said:
Nicholas said:
Im sorry to hear about your sister and participate in your grief.
A "normal" person wouldnt deal with it so calmly as you, so i have to ask, is there something else youre no telling?

Really? What exactly is a normal reaction to the death of a sibling supposed to look like?

Hey... Wanna find out? You know what to do

What does that mean?
 
I personally see nothing wrong with how you are taking it. Like others have said, everyone internalizes these things differently. From the sounds of it, you had to find a lot of strength to push you through after her death. Perhaps you found a form of reliance in yourself to get you through it. And you are probably right, one day, you may break down. But I hope you don't beat yourself up or feel guilty about how you are handling it. You sound like an incredibly strong person.

I am very sorry for your loss.
 
AmytheTemperamental said:
I personally see nothing wrong with how you are taking it. Like others have said, everyone internalizes these things differently. From the sounds of it, you had to find a lot of strength to push you through after her death. Perhaps you found a form of reliance in yourself to get you through it. And you are probably right, one day, you may break down. But I hope you don't beat yourself up or feel guilty about how you are handling it. You sound like an incredibly strong person.

I am very sorry for your loss.

Thank you, that's means a lot.
 
I am sorry for your loss. My brother was killed in a car wreck as well. And,I guess the only thing i can say is to enjoy the life you are given today.
 
My opinion is you are remaining strong for your family. When one of my relatives passed away, I cried all night and after that had to get up in the morning and make funeral arrangements. I was somewhat cold and numb but finally broke down when one of my sisters said I was talking with an "attitude" even though I sent her away when I asked for help with my relative's clothes and she started crying. In your own way, I think you are trying to be kind and putting others ahead of you.

If you can have a moment by yourself, without worrying about your family, maybe that is the right moment to breakdown. But whatever happens, everyone grieves in their own way and I don't think there's anything wrong with how you are feeling or reacting.
 
I am very sorry for your sister and beying sad all day you wont help her and you will be afected also .This life its unfair sometimes but we must be powerful and go right in life
 

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