Any other childfree people here?

**Note!! This thread isn't about hating anyone who wants to have children and start a family or want to get them in the future or have them already.
We people are different and want different things in life, if you're happy, I'm happy.**

Hello ALL. : )

I wanted to make a thread about this, since I've never heard that someone else besides me is completely 100% childfree, which means that the person doesn't want to get children ever in their lifetime for different various of reasons (whatever the reason is, it varies and it's personal decision for everyone etc.).

Childfree is different term than childless though! Since childless people don't have children for whatever reason in the current moment but want to have them in the future whereas childfree don't want to have them never. Just wanted to point that out, lol.

So... I feel like society doesn't accept my decisions of being childfree. Especially if being a woman who doesn't want to get kids ever. ''Waaaait?? But how that is possible?! Of course you want babies! Everyone wants them.''. No, I would get a sterilization just right in this minute if I could, too bad I would have to be at least 30 years old by the laws in this country and EVEN then doctors wouldn't want to do it. I always get questions like ''You will change your mind'' or ''When you meet the right guy, you will want to have babies!'' or ''You're too young to know that''. Well... I've known this already for 8 years, haven't changed my mind yet.

I like children though, they're cute and precious. : ) Just don't want to get own never in this lifetime, I am ok for seeing other people's kids when walking in the city or something and that is more than enough for me. Adoption is also out of the question.

My question is like the title says:

Any other childfree people here? Why are you childfree? Have you had any issues for finding a partner because of it? Thanks in advance!

I feel so alone with this...

I'm childfree because I never wanted to be a parent. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't due to a variety of reasons. Anyway, people have made some of the comments you've mentioned in your post. Either I was too young to fully know what I want or everyone wants kids, so why didn't I? Personally, I find it funny how no one says "Oh, you're too young to know you want kids" . As I'm getting older, though, my decision to remain childfree stills seems like the right call. I treasure my freedom and once you start a family, you lose so much of that freedom.

I have two kids, so I guess I'm out. lol

What about people who have kids that want to be child free? That's not me, of course and I'm not making light of the situation, I'm just curious if those people would have a place in the childfree zone.
Those that put the kids up for adoption, sure, but what about those that were forced to keep the baby for whatever reason? Yes, it happens.

I never even thought much about it until late-puberty. You know how some kids even talk about finding a girl/boy, marrying them and founding a family at a relatively young age. I didn't have these thoughts at any given time and I tried to go back as far as I mentally could. I have this particular memory of me sitting in the sports hall at school, I think it was at the end of my final school year and the teacher gave us a little goodbye speech since it was our last P.E. lesson and all. That's when it hit me. I had discarded what few childhood dreams I still had left but I realized I had none related to family matters at all.

Fast-forward to the present. Nothing has changed except that I have also discarded what little ambitions I had in the field of romantic relationships. My parents know nothing of this and occasionally they drop some jokey lines, just like some relatives at family gatherings, which I just laugh off...while suppressing the occasional spout of minor contempt. I have an older brother who has been with his girlfriend for many years and they have no plans either which elevates most of the potential pressure that could rest upon my shoulders.

I don't anticipate that I ever have to seriously justify my position to my parents or anyone else on this matter. Should that happen though, I will happily argue people into the ground if they have nothing better to do but force their agenda and expectations upon me.

Hard-core childfree woman, here! In fact, I'm an anti-natalist...though not one of those whiny ones who go on and on about how they wish to get their hands on some nembutal (painless suicide drug). Those people are damned annoying!

I guess I fit in that childfree category... somewhat.

I'm only twenty-three, going on twenty-four, but when I stop to consider that many people around my age these days are getting married and having children does cause me to feel a bit awkward about the idea of starting my own family. Just about ALL of my cousins that I knew within my generation are either married or have kids (or have one on the way). Even my own mother pesters me to "go out there and get a woman so you can give me more grand babies!" ...

Do I want kids? No. Not right now, at least. Someone used to tell me that I'd make a good father (based off my personality), but I don't think so. Given my own history within childhood and the present state of my life, I'm more afraid of bringing a child into the world than wanting to just be a happy father. The world is so dysfunctional that I sometimes wonder about my ability to protect them from it, or guide their way through the madness that's around us.

Just like the OP, I do like children, though. I spend quite a bit of time with my two nieces and nephew, but the thought of having my own offspring kind of just feels odd and too foreign to me.

Plus, no woman would want to commit to a relationship like that with someone like me, anyways... Even if I wanted kids, not like I'd have them.

reynard_muldrake said:

I'm childfree because I never wanted to be a parent. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't due to a variety of reasons. Anyway, people have made some of the comments you've mentioned in your post. Either I was too young to fully know what I want or everyone wants kids, so why didn't I? Personally, I find it funny how no one says "Oh, you're too young to know you want kids" . As I'm getting older, though, my decision to remain childfree stills seems like the right call. I treasure my freedom and once you start a family, you lose so much of that freedom.

Click to expand...

Same, I don't want to be a parent either. Haha! Good question. Freedom is definitely one of the reasons. Though... Even if I would be some insanely rich person who could afford to hire many nannies to taking care of the kids aka having more free time. Still, my decision would be the same, nevertheless. No kiddies, but kitties, yes!! ^^

TheRealCallie said:

I have two kids, so I guess I'm out. lol

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True! lol

TheRealCallie said:

What about people who have kids that want to be child free? That's not me, of course and I'm not making light of the situation, I'm just curious if those people would have a place in the childfree zone.

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If you have a child and you're a parent by a choice then you're not childfree. Childfree means being without any kind of children by choice. If you have chosen to have a child and have a child currently, you're not childfree.

Then the person is basically just a parent who doesn't want more kids, so nope... Not childfree.

TheRealCallie said:

Those that put the kids up for adoption, sure, but what about those that were forced to keep the baby for whatever reason? Yes, it happens.

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Interesting question!

Yes, those things can happen unfortunately... It could be that originally the person wanted live a life without never becoming a parent, but got raped for example or had unprotected sex etc. and some strict laws of the country (Ireland, looking at you *cough*) didn't allow to get abortion or the person didn't have enough money to travel overseas to get it done.

I think the person could still be childfree though, but I think the person isn't really ''neither'', a parent or a childfree person anymore. Just forced to have something she didn't want.

To be honest... I think I can't answer to this question. ><''

Rodent said:

I never even thought much about it until late-puberty. You know how some kids even talk about finding a girl/boy, marrying them and founding a family at a relatively young age. I didn't have these thoughts at any given time and I tried to go back as far as I mentally could. I have this particular memory of me sitting in the sports hall at school, I think it was at the end of my final school year and the teacher gave us a little goodbye speech since it was our last P.E. lesson and all. That's when it hit me. I had discarded what few childhood dreams I still had left but I realized I had none related to family matters at all.

Fast-forward to the present. Nothing has changed except that I have also discarded what little ambitions I had in the field of romantic relationships. My parents know nothing of this and occasionally they drop some jokey lines, just like some relatives at family gatherings, which I just laugh off...while suppressing the occasional spout of minor contempt. I have an older brother who has been with his girlfriend for many years and they have no plans either which elevates most of the potential pressure that could rest upon my shoulders.

I don't anticipate that I ever have to seriously justify my position to my parents or anyone else on this matter. Should that happen though, I will happily argue people into the ground if they have nothing better to do but force their agenda and expectations upon me.

Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts about being childfree!

Yeah, I definitely know that... I already know so many people around me being in my age or close to it and wanting/creating a family already with children. Personally, for me it feels really absurd and out of this world because I am a complete opposite of it, lol. Never thinking or dreaming about it. So many other dreams and goals in life though but none of them has children in it.

I know it's very personal, but only if you want to tell, I would like to know why you've discarded any little ambitions about romantic relationships? Because most (not everyone but almost...) of women are all about ''baabiiieeees!!'' ? I feel like every guy wants to start a family someday (most in their close 30s). But then again... It's reality, most people want children in some point of their lives. Only 1/5 of women won't have children in their lifetime, but I don't think it's intended... Just happened to become childless and not really being it by choice. So that makes the real number of childfree women (and men) even much less. Ouch. >< Finding a CF partner is like searching a rare gem, LOL. If that's not what you meant, then sorry. xP Family gatherings are the worst! It doesn't matter if there isn't any baby topics involved. Thank goodness the asking about babies haven't started yet. Yeah, laugh helps. I can't tell much about my little brother yet but he loves children so I am very sure that parents won't be left without grandchildren. Otherwise mom (I don't think that dad cares to be honest) would start pressuring.

Exactly! It's your business and only yours. It's a very personal decision and people should keep their nosy minds out of it.

Your life, your decision. Plain and simple!

Crazy Squirrel said:

Hard-core childfree woman, here! In fact, I'm an anti-natalist...though not one of those whiny ones who go on and on about how they wish to get their hands on some nembutal (painless suicide drug). Those people are damned annoying!

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Yay! *high five*

LongWolfFang said:

I guess I fit in that childfree category... somewhat.

I'm only twenty-three, going on twenty-four, but when I stop to consider that many people around my age these days are getting married and having children does cause me to feel a bit awkward about the idea of starting my own family. Just about ALL of my cousins that I knew within my generation are either married or have kids (or have one on the way). Even my own mother pesters me to "go out there and get a woman so you can give me more grand babies!" ...

Do I want kids? No. Not right now, at least. Someone used to tell me that I'd make a good father (based off my personality), but I don't think so. Given my own history within childhood and the present state of my life, I'm more afraid of bringing a child into the world than wanting to just be a happy father. The world is so dysfunctional that I sometimes wonder about my ability to protect them from it, or guide their way through the madness that's around us.

Just like the OP, I do like children, though. I spend quite a bit of time with my two nieces and nephew, but the thought of having my own offspring kind of just feels odd and too foreign to me.

Plus, no woman would want to commit to a relationship like that with someone like me, anyways... Even if I wanted kids, not like I'd have them.

Click to expand...

Well, you're childfree if you've chosen to not having children in your lifetime. : ) Many people who thought that they never wanted to have kids, will get them someday anyway, though so it's really rare to know people who are absolutely sure about it.

Awkward describes it. Yep, people are reproducing like bunnies, lol. Ughh! It's not right for them to say what to do with your life. Of course people can give advises etc. and try to help but in the end, you are the only one who makes the decision what is important or not important to you to give attention to. If children aren't part of it, then they really aren't. But since childfree people are very unheard of for many people, it's normal to get confused questions and looks.

If you think you would be a great father, would you still want to get kids? Even if the life would give all the opportunities you needed? If so, you're just childless. Not like the terms really matter, though.. World is crazy but I feel like it has always been crazy more or less, just in different ways.

I like children. :> I wouldn't mind being ''a cool aunt'' someday, heh! Just not wanting own kids.

Nahh, I'm thinking you're too hard for yourself. We humans often are, it's humane and normal... I am too. Like... ''Who would ever be interested about me?'' or ''Too ugly, too fat, too boring, too this, too that, blah blah...''. ><''

But when I see couples walking in the public, there are all kinds of different people together!! Even the people who you would think of ''Wow, they don't match at all'', love is so amazing in the ways like that. : )

I'm childfree and hope to stay this way. I couldn't cope with having kids. Having childish brothers is bad enough.

I'm also 100% sure this is how I want my life to go. No changing my mind.

lonelyfairy said:

Yeah, I definitely know that... I already know so many people around me being in my age or close to it and wanting/creating a family already with children. Personally, for me it feels really absurd and out of this world because I am a complete opposite of it, lol. Never thinking or dreaming about it. So many other dreams and goals in life though but none of them has children in it.

Click to expand...

I am fully aware it's just in our nature, but like you I see the concept of a family as absurd and foreign and it always has been that way to me. We are a minority but we do exist. And the few of us certainly won't be at fault for the extinction of humanity, so live and let live. I have a different stance on children though. I don't like them and the majority I encountered have disliked me as well including the ones in my own family.

lonelyfairy said:

I know it's very personal, but only if you want to tell, I would like to know why you've discarded any little ambitions about romantic relationships? Because most (not everyone but almost...) of women are all about ''baabiiieeees!!'' ? I feel like every guy wants to start a family someday (most in their close 30s). But then again... It's reality, most people want children in some point of their lives. Only 1/5 of women won't have children in their lifetime, but I don't think it's intended... Just happened to become childless and not really being it by choice. So that makes the real number of childfree women (and men) even much less. Ouch. >< Finding a CF partner is like searching a rare gem, LOL. If that's not what you meant, then sorry. xP Family gatherings are the worst! It doesn't matter if there isn't any baby topics involved. Thank goodness the asking about babies haven't started yet. Yeah, laugh helps. I can't tell much about my little brother yet but he loves children so I am very sure that parents won't be left without grandchildren. Otherwise mom (I don't think that dad cares to be honest) would start pressuring.

Click to expand...

It's not very personal anymore because I have written about it on the forum in detail already. Check my created threads and go for "Total Unraveling". That should give you the outline on where I found myself on the topic of interpersonal relationships as a whole. Even if I have decided to loosen up again a little in some areas ever since.

When I look back at the few romantic relationships and interactions I had, I couldn't even say it's been a zero-sum game. In the end I left with loads of experience but feeling consistently worse than before. This is partly to blame on the kind of people I wound up with and my combination of stunted emotions, being somewhere on the spectrum of asexuality and a misguided urge to "fix" other people while not watching out for myself. I have decided to not fool myself anymore and to abandon the idea that I have something to gain or give in this department of life.

Many men these days decide to not have kids, get married or even enter any long-term relationship for a variety of reasons. I can understand their motivations for this, even if they do not necessarily lack certain urges, but they simply decide it's for their own good not to follow those. I don't dare to speak on the behalf of women, so I'll just rely on the input you gave. I can neither empathize with men nor women who are very much focused on (or even obsessed with) having babies. That's okay because they cannot empathize with me either. I'll just continue minding my own business. But I agree that that the people making the conscious decision to stay childfree without external pressure are much harder to find than the merely childless ones who likely just happen to be victims of circumstance.

lonelyfairy said:

Well, you're childfree if you've chosen to not having children in your lifetime. : ) Many people who thought that they never wanted to have kids, will get them someday anyway, though so it's really rare to know people who are absolutely sure about it.

Awkward describes it. Yep, people are reproducing like bunnies, lol. Ughh! It's not right for them to say what to do with your life. Of course people can give advises etc. and try to help but in the end, you are the only one who makes the decision what is important or not important to you to give attention to. If children aren't part of it, then they really aren't. But since childfree people are very unheard of for many people, it's normal to get confused questions and looks.

If you think you would be a great father, would you still want to get kids? Even if the life would give all the opportunities you needed? If so, you're just childless. Not like the terms really matter, though.. World is crazy but I feel like it has always been crazy more or less, just in different ways.

I like children. :> I wouldn't mind being ''a cool aunt'' someday, heh! Just not wanting own kids.

Nahh, I'm thinking you're too hard for yourself. We humans often are, it's humane and normal... I am too. Like... ''Who would ever be interested about me?'' or ''Too ugly, too fat, too boring, too this, too that, blah blah...''. ><''

But when I see couples walking in the public, there are all kinds of different people together!! Even the people who you would think of ''Wow, they don't match at all'', love is so amazing in the ways like that. : )

Click to expand...

In that case, guess I would be childfree by nature. For certain, a life without my own children would be ideal, for life's full of responsibilities already, even for a single individual. I like kids, but don't want my own. I don't know if that sounds selfish, but I'm too adjusted to the loner lifestyle to envision myself with a full house and the sacrifice of freedom. An understanding (and like-minded) wife? Sure. Kids? Nah. Unless I'm forced into it... That's a different story, lol.

True on the reproduction madness and people's expectations. I try my best to drown out the negativity that floods my ear drums — it's just annoying to deal with on a regular basis. We live in a free world, after all. So if people want to be childfree, others have to respect that. It's very complicated because wanting to be childfree doesn't mean wanting to be relationship-free either, and many people who want kids would shy away, like you implied earlier. This world sucks a lot sometimes.

As far as thinking I'd be a good father personally and had all the opportunities to make things work out? Hm... I'm still on the fence there, even if everything was sunshine and rainbows there, hah. I just can't picture myself as a dad, and even if I do have what it takes, it wouldn't change my feelings of awkwardness. I know, my answers are probably complicated and vague. I guess the real problem is that my past plays a huge role in my outlook towards the subject, and giving a more accurate answer would require me to dig deeper into it. If this wasn't a public discussion, I might be a bit more comfortable with elaborating further. I'm sorry. I think just not feeling comfortable in the job as a parent would do as the perfect answer for now, though.

Maybe I am being rough on myself in that aspect of not being date-able, though with the above mentioned things and my social awkwardness, I've had many failed relationships before they could even begin — I could sit here for hours telling you all about them, but I won't, hah. It got to the point where I kind of just gave up on looking for love...

I have a child but I respect other people's decisions on whether they want kids or not. Thank goodness we live in a society with easy access to birth control if we want it and the ability to choose freely whether or not to have kids.

-Teresa

LonesomeLoner said:

I'm childfree and hope to stay this way. I couldn't cope with having kids. Having childish brothers is bad enough.

I'm also 100% sure this is how I want my life to go. No changing my mind.

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Heh... I know what you mean with that childish brother thing.

Same, me too! It makes me feel so free and happy. It's the right choice for me.

Rodent said:

I am fully aware it's just in our nature, but like you I see the concept of a family as absurd and foreign and it always has been that way to me. We are a minority but we do exist. And the few of us certainly won't be at fault for the extinction of humanity, so live and let live. I have a different stance on children though. I don't like them and the majority I encountered have disliked me as well including the ones in my own family.

Click to expand...

Yep, it's as absurd thought as it could possibly ever be tbh. We are the minority... We do exist, indeed. It's just so hard to know where I could find other childfree people... Online probably. True! Live and let live. Aw... Well, we people like different things in life and it's ok.

Rodent said:

It's not very personal anymore because I have written about it on the forum in detail already. Check my created threads and go for "Total Unraveling". That should give you the outline on where I found myself on the topic of interpersonal relationships as a whole. Even if I have decided to loosen up again a little in some areas ever since.

When I look back at the few romantic relationships and interactions I had, I couldn't even say it's been a zero-sum game. In the end I left with loads of experience but feeling consistently worse than before. This is partly to blame on the kind of people I wound up with and my combination of stunted emotions, being somewhere on the spectrum of asexuality and a misguided urge to "fix" other people while not watching out for myself. I have decided to not fool myself anymore and to abandon the idea that I have something to gain or give in this department of life.

Many men these days decide to not have kids, get married or even enter any long-term relationship for a variety of reasons. I can understand their motivations for this, even if they do not necessarily lack certain urges, but they simply decide it's for their own good not to follow those. I don't dare to speak on the behalf of women, so I'll just rely on the input you gave. I can neither empathize with men nor women who are very much focused on (or even obsessed with) having babies. That's okay because they cannot empathize with me either. I'll just continue minding my own business. But I agree that that the people making the conscious decision to stay childfree without external pressure are much harder to find than the merely childless ones who likely just happen to be victims of circumstance.

Click to expand...

I think that I probably read that thread once or twice a long time ago, though of course not remembering anything from it anymore, lol.

I see... Well, in the end do what makes you feel happy and content with yourself and with your life, that's all what matters. : )

Yeah, it's great that people are slowly realizing that they actually have a choice to live the life in the way they want (not in the way society ''expects'' them to live), if marriage or children aren't part of it. Indeed, no reason to force to do something the person doesn't really want or it would make their lives more difficult etc. Personally though... I still want to get married someday and get serious long-term relationship with someone, but it's also ok to have casual relationships with people if others want to do it, nothing against it. Exactly! ''True'' childfree people without the external pressure are harder to find, but it's possible. Just need to make it very clear from start if going to dating scene later on that children won't never be part of my life.

LongWolfFang said:

In that case, guess I would be childfree by nature. For certain, a life without my own children would be ideal, for life's full of responsibilities already, even for a single individual. I like kids, but don't want my own. I don't know if that sounds selfish, but I'm too adjusted to the loner lifestyle to envision myself with a full house and the sacrifice of freedom. An understanding (and like-minded) wife? Sure. Kids? Nah. Unless I'm forced into it... That's a different story, lol.

True on the reproduction madness and people's expectations. I try my best to drown out the negativity that floods my ear drums — it's just annoying to deal with on a regular basis. We live in a free world, after all. So if people want to be childfree, others have to respect that. It's very complicated because wanting to be childfree doesn't mean wanting to be relationship-free either, and many people who want kids would shy away, like you implied earlier. This world sucks a lot sometimes.

As far as thinking I'd be a good father personally and had all the opportunities to make things work out? Hm... I'm still on the fence there, even if everything was sunshine and rainbows there, hah. I just can't picture myself as a dad, and even if I do have what it takes, it wouldn't change my feelings of awkwardness. I know, my answers are probably complicated and vague. I guess the real problem is that my past plays a huge role in my outlook towards the subject, and giving a more accurate answer would require me to dig deeper into it. If this wasn't a public discussion, I might be a bit more comfortable with elaborating further. I'm sorry. I think just not feeling comfortable in the job as a parent would do as the perfect answer for now, though.

Maybe I am being rough on myself in that aspect of not being date-able, though with the above mentioned things and my social awkwardness, I've had many failed relationships before they could even begin — I could sit here for hours telling you all about them, but I won't, hah. It got to the point where I kind of just gave up on looking for love...

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I agree, I'm in the same page with that. Even though the biggest reason itself is that I don't have the natural urge to create new human life, I just know it from the deep down somewhere like how the others know that they want children.

Yes, we have ''the luxury'' to actually choose it, when in some other countries in the world, it might not be possible... It's much better for the ''non-existent child'' too, honestly. It's not wanted or needed in any way. As I accept people who make children and have them, they should respect my decision to remain childfree as return. It goes in both directions, the mutual respect to each others' life choices. It's complicated if wanting to find someone who is childfree too and doesn't want to be relationship-free, wanting to have a serious long-term relationship with someone, since most people want children. World does suck, but it won't never stop being frustrating... It's just how it is, unfortunately. We can try to make it as a better place with smaller things, it starts from own happiness and well-being first (surely no one can be happy all the time).

Ah... So in that case you would be ''a fence sitter'' lol. xP But when I read more what you wrote, yes you're childfree in my opinion. It's ok, it doesn't need to be detailed. Well, the past will always have some kind of effect in our lives, the past is part of us after all... Oh, don't be sorry! No reason to say sorry.

I can relate a lot to that social awkwardness. :/ Aw well, I hope the best for you!

SofiasMami said:

I have a child but I respect other people's decisions on whether they want kids or not. Thank goodness we live in a society with easy access to birth control if we want it and the ability to choose freely whether or not to have kids.

-Teresa

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Thank you so much!! It might sound like ''a small thing'' to some people, but for me it's a huge thing that someone respects my choice of being childfree. I read so often from many places online how I am super selfish and horrible person because not wanting to reproduce. It's great to have birth control options nowadays, it's a blessing!

I don't understand how childfree people can be considered selfish. Not everyone has what it takes to be a good parent. It's better to recognize your limits than to bring someone into this world despite your inability to parent. And even if being childfree is selfish, so what? Selfishness isn't always a problem. At times it may even be a necessity.