MentatsGhoul
Well-known member
I think... I just wanna feel alive. I've been living in my head for so long, I don't remember what it's like any other way. To actually, you know, be in the moment?
Seriously, I don't have anyone I consider a "friend" in "real life", and haven't for many years. And, it's not for lack of trying either, plus, what you can do on your own is quite limited. So, I've lived this life of boredom, even when I talk to people I genuinely like or care about, and even when I do something "creative" or whatever for myself, like some people recommend, it's through a ******* screen, and it's just not feeling real enough anymore.
So, the idea of having someone to just... be with. Whether it's just hanging out, watching some netflix, playing a video game together, chilling, or feeling closer, being able to get physical with someone you love... that sounds amazing to me, precisely because I would be in the moment. Not only that, but I would be happy, or at least, it would be a positive experience. Because to me, happiness, while still something I want, has become secondary to the desire to feel alive, feel present. I feel a rush from being in danger, or going through more negative experiences as well, as long as they bring me down to earth, and that (at least, on the rational level of my mind) scares me. A relationship would feel like the best of both worlds, because it would be something that would healthy, while giving me that sense as well.
I'm pretty sure a lot of people can be able to relate to this idea, though, I don't think I'm able to express it well, or at least as well as some others have. I'm not even fully sure why I'm making this thread to be honest, but, I just felt like sharing this thought for some reason.
Seriously, I don't have anyone I consider a "friend" in "real life", and haven't for many years. And, it's not for lack of trying either, plus, what you can do on your own is quite limited. So, I've lived this life of boredom, even when I talk to people I genuinely like or care about, and even when I do something "creative" or whatever for myself, like some people recommend, it's through a ******* screen, and it's just not feeling real enough anymore.
So, the idea of having someone to just... be with. Whether it's just hanging out, watching some netflix, playing a video game together, chilling, or feeling closer, being able to get physical with someone you love... that sounds amazing to me, precisely because I would be in the moment. Not only that, but I would be happy, or at least, it would be a positive experience. Because to me, happiness, while still something I want, has become secondary to the desire to feel alive, feel present. I feel a rush from being in danger, or going through more negative experiences as well, as long as they bring me down to earth, and that (at least, on the rational level of my mind) scares me. A relationship would feel like the best of both worlds, because it would be something that would healthy, while giving me that sense as well.
I'm pretty sure a lot of people can be able to relate to this idea, though, I don't think I'm able to express it well, or at least as well as some others have. I'm not even fully sure why I'm making this thread to be honest, but, I just felt like sharing this thought for some reason.