I'm not sorry

Everyone always seems to accept that it is a good thing to "live life" but I haven't -- lived life and I am here to say I am not sorry. Anyone else feel the same?

My year book quote has was something like she has had a good life who has lived life and laughed a lot. But right from a young age I didn't much see the point in "living" I mean I haven't sat in my house and I do things that are required but for the most part I am cautious and don't do things. It is possible on my death bed I will regret it but, I doubt it. This includes..

- get drunk,
- use drugs;
- have more that basic sex with one or two seriously trusted conservative friends -- and that was when I was young.
-Travel in anything but very safe and accepted modes / motels
- go out after dark (or drive)
- eat very experimentally
- Pretty much date --ever
- pretty much have anything but on line or one or two friends.
- exercise in any sort of strenuous way.

And I am here to tell the whole... LIVE LIFE, YOUR A LOSER IF YOU DON"t HAVE A ZILLION FRIENDS / GO OUT TO DRINK EVERY NIGHT, crowd that a lot of you on here feel you need to be a part of... that it is a scam.

- I discovered recently that like 8 or 9 different cancers are just caused by sex. Or rather HPV. I have two girlfriends who literally have cervical precancerous cells that they have to have horrible procedures to take care of and live in constant fear -- because of HPV that they got due to sex. Sex that they didn't really care about anyway and sure as shoot wasn't that good. Throat cancer, oral cancer... cervical, anal.. all like 90% HPV. No thanks. I think cancer rates could drop dramatically if people stopped having sex (hypothetically if that could happen)
- Drink or use drugs... like 10 different cancers are strongly associated with drinking and drugs. Many don't even require abuse of them. What is the point of drinking at all? And when you think of all the potential devastating things that can happen... rape, drunk driving -- death driving... gastric cancer.... no just no. Not going to apologize for never being drunk ever and see no point it doing so -- even one drink. I also have had drugs for like medical procedures and I have never had any "high" that helped at all. Mostly made me hallucentate badly.
- I don't understand why anyone -- save for a guy that needs a sexual outlet- would date or get married. Most people are horrible and there is the very likely chance you will at least one abusive guy that will make you his Nicole Brown Simpson but assuming nothing else -- like a cheater -- I just find most of my female friends miserable with their husbands based on the basic differences between men and women. Monogamy doesn't work. I don't even think married couples should live together. You just get sick of the same person all the time. And assuming you put up with all of that to avoid dying alone, the very likely chances are that you will. That no matter what your spouce could die before you or just not be there when you pass. I just don't see the point the many years of your life looking for the "right one"/ marriage etc. 50% of marriages fail. Why do people still try?
- Every day I get off the subway and though there is an escalator right there tons of people choose to walk up the stairs. A lot of stairs. They get there the same time as me. If asked they would say "exercise is good for you." from where I sit, no, no it isn't. Lookit, you only have one leg/ knee hip and over a certain age it starts to degrade with use but yet I see 50 year olds running up the stairs. I think it is wise to conserve your body pretty much your entire life. Exercise should be just enough to increase your breathing and get more O2 but conserve your body to the best of your ability. "no pain no gain is the best way to keep sports doctors in business and you in a wheelchair."
- I traveled all over the US and some Europe and I just can't get up for it anymore. The truth, looking at my photos now, most of the things i saw when traveling where man made things--- made to get me to come there and spend money. Noting genuinely important or worthy of seeing. Tourist traps. There might be one or two other places I might want to visit but I suspect in the end I might feel the same way about it, not worth it. Any people I met I had fun with but what was the point of them? They were single serving friends... complete waste of my hot air.
- I don't go out after dark. No I am not 90. For the most part I see absolutely nothing at all good happening at night. Drunk drivers are out at night, police are out at night, easier to get mugged or other things and most times... ALL the crazies come out at night to ride the subways or trains. Every bad thing is more likely after dark. I don't understand people who think it is cool to go out at night and stay out at night.

So basically I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't eat anything but very bland normal foods you can find at Kroger, don't date, don't have sex, don't go out with friends, don't travel, go out after dark, or exercise. In common world parlance, boring. And I am *really* living the dream and, not sorry, not sorry one bit.

Well, if you're living the life you truly want to live and you're not hurting anyone else, you don't need to apologize or even explain yourself. Although you seem a bit fearful, which is not a good perspective from which to make decisions.
People change and evolve over time and perhaps you will see life differently in 10 years. Until then, live your life as you see fit.

-Teresa

You might not be sorry but will you have regrets one day ?

Not saying that that reason to change how you feel ... i tbink we all have regrets at some point in our lives ....or at least the wish for a do over

If you're happy with rather life you're living, you don't need to apologize to anyone

Do you suffer from a lot of anxiety, Emily?

You say that you're happy with the way you are living life. Doesn't the fact that you're on this forum kind of suggest that you aren't though?

Look... if you can honestly look at your life the way it is now and say that you're satisfied (and there's an important distinction here- satisfied, not happy. I don't personally consider happiness much of a driving factor in my life even), then who cares? Live the way you like. That said, I don't mean to be offensive, but you seem to be going the opposite route and being judgmental towards people who don't wish the way YOU want to live. So, really what I'm saying is, live and let live. I think, a good middle ground is what most people need.

EDIT: Also, had another thought on this. There's something to be said about not staying in your comfort zone. Sometimes something you really never thought you'd enjoy can end up enriching your life. Maybe it's true that 90% of the time your instincts might be right, but, personally, I feel as if my life would be far less satisfying than it is if I hadn't gone out of my way to try some things that I was initially a bit sceptical about, whether they be something as simple as new types of food that ad some diversity to my diet, or hobbies that partially define my identity even. And as for the health risks... I don't care. I've suffered from a serious stomach infection that's caused me a lot of pain and discomfort for years that I might hopefully be able to fix soon. I lived a relatively healthy life beforehand, and it came out of nowhere. Bottom line is, every life comes with a death sentence, and even if you do your best, you can't guarantee perfect health (and falling into the trap of obsessively trying to ensure it can be pretty toxic, believe me, I've seen people go crazy over it). So, personally, I'd rather just do the things I enjoy than worry too much about their effects.

That said, I agree, it's your life, and as long as you aren't hurting anyone, you don't need to answer to anyone else about it. Just some food for thought though on why some people might choose a different path.

If you think living a full life consists of doing drugs, drinking and sex I think you are missing it. A full life to me means living life with passion and living for today and enjoying today. That could mean cooking a good meal, working in the garden, taking a hike, playing a sport or instrument, painting a picture, doing a honest day's work, etc. And, lending a helping hand to another person or beautifying your community. Focus on that and forget the drug,sex type life. That goes nowhere.

So basically I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't eat anything but very bland normal foods you can find at Kroger, don't date, don't have sex, don't go out with friends, don't travel, go out after dark, or exercise. In common world parlance, boring. And I am *really* living the dream and, not sorry, not sorry one bit.

If you are happy with your life, you don't have to justify it to anyone. Not everyone wants to travel. However, what is wrong with trying some new foods? I mean you don't have to go out to eat, but what if you just picked up a new ingredient at the grocery store and got online and found a recipe and made something new? I do that and it is fun. What do you hate about exercise? There is a joy in movement and in being physical. You don't have to exercise in the traditional sense of running on a treadmill per se but what about taking a hike in the woods? Or swimming or something like that? Or a dance class? There is a lot of joy in movement.

My ex also told me I was boring because I didn't drink and go to bars with him. lol No, that's not my scene, I'm sorry, I'd have a much better time at the ballet or the opera.

I don't travel or go out with friends because I don't have time to do either of those. I don't like to go out after dark because of deer (there are lots around me) and because my eyes are sensitive to headlights shining in my eyes.

I don't care if I'm boring, the only thing that matters is that I take care of me and mine. fresia anyone else's opinon.

Also, even if you did regret how you live, you still don't have to apologize to anyone else for it. Do for you.

I think it's about making your own definitions. I have definitely "lived life". But I don't drink or run around looking for a good time. Plus, I'm definitely boring, by most peoples' standards. Except in the condensed version where all the day to day crap is removed, and the special stuff is highlighted.

I totally agree with that thing about not staying in your comfort zone. For me, that's where I've often found "living life" to happen. But even then, I exit it my way, not by an exterior definition.

Sometimes said:

I think it's about making your own definitions. I have definitely "lived life". But I don't drink or run around looking for a good time. Plus, I'm definitely boring, by most peoples' standards.

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Thank you sometimes.

If there are people who are on this board who don't get judged and ostracized for your boring choices... good for you. Can I join you on this nice person planet? But here on "live life to the fullest meaning, you aren't living life unless your drinking, laughing, have tons of friends and travel someplace every weekend" I am definitely given crud about it on a constant basis. But also, I did want anyone who was thinking they didn't have a good life because their life was humn drum to be encouraged by my view that what is considered living life these days, isn't all that.

What do you hate about exercise? There is a joy in movement and in being physical.

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I thought I explained that. To me and I think the evidence bears this out, your body only has so much available to it. You have cartilage that is worn down. You have cervical pads that are worn down in your back. They don't grow back. Every needless stress put on those are less time you have with a good body. So in my view it is abundantly clear that extra "movement" or stress to your body as a younger person is only a recipe for pain and arthritis the older that you are. It seems stunning to me that we all agree that over the age of 50 people are having issues with knees etc. but no one will state the obvious... maybe if we conserved our bodies a little more we would live a better life for longer. But no... we encourage walking up the stairs when an escalator is available. We encourage, high heels, we encourage tough mudder and triathlons.

In my world most of my acquaintances are in these cults of working out with cross fit etc. Most of the time if I am talking to them on the train they will start for the stairs and I will go for the escalator and of course, they look at me like I am weird. Like it is rude for me not to just walk up the stairs with them. Instead of rude of them not to come with me on the escalator.

So, personally, I'd rather just do the things I enjoy than worry too much about their effects.

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That is great but I do feel there is a societal normal of doing things that is being pushed off on those who don't. Someone here said "there is joy in movement" um... no, there is joy in movement FOR YOU. Not everyone.

EmilyFoxSeaton said:

If there are people who are on this board who don't get judged and ostracized for your boring choices... good for you. Can I join you on this nice person planet? But here on "live life to the fullest meaning, you aren't living life unless your drinking, laughing, have tons of friends and travel someplace every weekend" I am definitely given crud about it on a constant basis. But also, I did want anyone who was thinking they didn't have a good life because their life was humn drum to be encouraged by my view that what is considered living life these days, isn't all that. [...]

That is great but I do feel there is a societal normal of doing things that is being pushed off on those who don't.

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Excluding the drinking part (which often just serves as a catalyst for interaction anyway) what is being sold to you as "living life to the fullest" is the general consensus on what fulfills the needs of the majority of humans as a social species. You won't get around getting judged for your choices if they deviate from the norm, you just have to accept that.

I find it quite hard to even explain my mostly solitary and sedentary lifestyle to other people and that it actually fulfills me. I can deal with judgment and the occasional baffled reaction, but the amount of pity is what I find worse. The idea that I'm somehow suffering and how they feel compelled to include me in their communions. Even though I see exclusion as the default and hold no grudge against anybody for not inviting me to some random event which I have always communicated clearly.

I never had any trouble understanding that their lifestyle satisfies their needs, but I was not graced with the same understanding. I have tried all the things they did and found that I need them neither in the same frequency nor intensity as they do, if at all. To be honest, it makes me kinda bitter how this pity and the projection of their needs onto me does not cease, but I'm just going to deal with it like an adult: By minding my own business and feeling neither superior nor inferior to them.

Rodent said:

You won't get around getting judged for your choices if they deviate from the norm, you just have to accept that.

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It is getting to a crescendo of too much lately, especially where society claims to be so against being judgmental and inclusive of those who deviate from the norm.

but the amount of pity is what I find worse. The idea that I'm somehow suffering and how they feel compelled to include me in their communions. Even though I see exclusion as the default and hold no grudge against anybody for not inviting me to some random event which I have always communicated clearly.

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Some of what ticked off the rant was that a friend insists on inviting me to things that I have nicely made it clear I do not want to do. The invitations are not "hey wanna come" they are , hey wanna come, why not, well why can't you do this. And when I shared my frustrations with others it was all about this friend. Maybe she pitys you... maybe she thinks you want to do things but are shy. So not only do I not get my indignation that she won't take the hint but they almost want me to apologize to her... for her not understanding who I am.

To be honest, it makes me kinda bitter how this pity and the projection of their needs onto me does not cease, but I'm just going to deal with it like an adult: By minding my own business and feeling neither superior nor inferior to them.

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The unique thing about this is what you said, the UNRELENTING nature of this. It simply does not end. Until you are basically driven to stay way from them in every way. You go on vacation and they don't ask if you had a good time, they ask what you did.

But, let me just state again, I am not looking at them and judging them. I really don't care what they do with their lives. But, I am reaffirming for myself that the way they live there lives is not my choice and looking for others like me who see the world as I do.. and offering encouragement to those who might have been thinking it and going back and forth. I am owning my solitude.

EmilyFoxSeaton said:

[...] I am owning my solitude.

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Me too. I find it to be a source of personal strength.
The more I accept this part of myself, the more at ease I am with people who do not share my interests.

EmilyFoxSeaton said:

.....
...Can I join you on this nice person planet? .
....

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Yes Actually, it's mostly made up of solitude, anyway.

EmilyFoxSeaton said:

It is getting to a crescendo of too much lately, especially where society claims to be so against being judgmental and inclusive of those who deviate from the norm.

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Go by people's actions, not their words. Society is an amorphous blob anyway and for the most part you will face it through the people you are immediately surrounded by.

EmilyFoxSeaton said:

Some of what ticked off the rant was that a friend insists on inviting me to things that I have nicely made it clear I do not want to do. The invitations are not "hey wanna come" they are , hey wanna come, why not, well why can't you do this. And when I shared my frustrations with others it was all about this friend. Maybe she pitys you... maybe she thinks you want to do things but are shy. So not only do I not get my riotous indignation that she won't take the hint but they almost want me to apologize to her... for her not understanding who I am.

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Sounds essentially like a "playing by their rules" thing. Well, you don't have to follow suit if you don't want to. Nobody can really force you to, but you run the risk of alienating this particular friend of yours. If she fails to empathize with you even after you explained yourself repeatedly, that narrows down your options though. Under no circumstances you should apologize for who you are. This is simple incompatibility between your and her needs which has to be sorted out one way or another.

EmilyFoxSeaton said:

The unique thing about this is what you said, the UNRELENTING nature of this. It simply does not end. Until you are basically driven to stay way from them in every way. You go on vacation and they don't ask if you had a good time, they ask what you did.

But, let me just state again, I am not looking at them and judging them. I really don't care what they do with their lives. But, I am reaffirming for myself that the way they live there lives is not my choice and looking for others like me who see the world as I do.. and offering encouragement to those who might have been thinking it and going back and forth. I am owning my solitude.

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You've definitely found people here who share your view in this matter already including myself. I believe that you are not judging them, but I can definitely understand how it can drive you up the wall when some give you the consistent impression there is something wrong with the way you are living your own life and that they have to fix this alleged problem. Even if a lot of it is just conjecture and projection.

...at the risk of projecting just as hard, there are some who actively seek the validation of their lifestyle and that they are doing something "good" for allegedly shy people.

Rodent said:

...at the risk of projecting just as hard, there are some who actively seek the validation of their lifestyle and that they are doing something "good" for allegedly shy people.

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Absolutely.

But going back to a few other points. Recently I saw a study that said that they are looking at HPV being responsible for lung cancer. That might explain why Lung Cancer is still such a behemoth when smoking is reduced and pollution is as well. They don't know yet but apparently they have found HPV in lung cancer cells.

https://www.verywell.com/does-hpv-cause-lung-cancer-2248989

To me this is so important. Already HPV is a substantial cancer causer but if an HPV infection of can cause cancer in other parts of the body, maybe that does explain why cancer is an epidemic and still manages to strike people down who life life "right".

Joints won’t wear out through overuse, exercise increases bone density and along with all the other benefits (lifting mood being one of them) is likely to stave off osteoporosis and arthritis. HPV; not an issue for those who haven’t engaged in casual sex. Spicey ‘exotic’ food…. um, curries are high in antioxidants and protect against stomach and bowel cancers. A typical western diet with a lot of dairy and processed meat is far worse.

You have a negative outlook…but so what.

I can go out, enjoy other’s company, a couple of drinks etc. but only in short doses. Maybe once every 2 weeks. Otherwise it’s too draining, and you tend to stick to certain subjects with certain people, so it can get boring.

ardour said:

Joints won’t wear out through overuse, exercise increases bone density and along with all the other benefits (lifting mood being one of them) is likely to stave off osteoporosis and arthritis. HPV; not an issue for those who haven’t engaged in casual sex. Spicey ‘exotic’ food…. um, curries are high in antioxidants and protect against stomach and bowel cancers. A typical western diet with a lot of dairy and processed meat is far worse.

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Your just wrong on a lot of this. That is often what I find out there a lot of wrong information that allows people to continue with the things they want to anyway.