Band and Friendship Fallout

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Niantiel

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Ssssooooo, I'm quitting my band.
The reasons are complicated, by I'm also losing my best friend of the last 6 years in the same token.

I just need a place to put my thoughts. Too much on my mind. Family drama, friend/s drama, love drama. Ugh. All unrelated however.

Anyway keeping this relative to get SOMETHING off of my plate here.

I was fine with being a part of it when it was a local thing, before they moved to another city.

I was fine with recording and collaborating with them over time from another city.

I'm NOT fine with it developing into a business, all of the work with going on tour, and so on.

Perhaps because I'm older and more life experienced, and more educated but you don't go into music for business. It doesn't really work if you're approaching it how they are from a live black metal band outlet. At the very most, it makes enough money to support itself continuing to go on. I've tried talking to them about how it's a strain on me as it is for them due to the distance and the money involved (that I'd be spending, and not getting back from time off work to go on a 2 week tour) and it's also taking a toll on me because I have tried to explain to them that if you go into music for a business than there is a smarter and more lucrative way for you to do it. True, you don't get to play the music you want to play, but you get to play music that will actually gain you more than 100$ profit after the break of the pot from a show.

They don't wanna do that.

So, I give up.
I mean, I can't support it. I financially can't really do it, and also emotionally can't really do it. The other part of it that's irritating the fresia out of me is that my best friend let his girlfriend hop in the band. Which is fine, I support that notion entirely. However, he's letting her run it. As in manage it. And it's HIS ******* band. And a lot of the honeysuckle that they're doing, he doesn't want to do and is only doing because she says it'll sell. Which, she's not wrong. It WILL sell, but it won't sell ENOUGH.

I actually have management experience. I see that she lacks a bit of knowledge within it outside of networking, promoting, and financing. So, I've offered her help and advice which she usually just spats off as too much work. Actual advice. Like how to legalize the project into licensing, so that we don't get screwed out of money by venues like we have in the past. -_-.

Another problem is that she will occasionally fire off on me as if she's my superior. She tells me to treat her like a sister, so I have. I guess I missed the beat when she didn't ever actually tell me that for professional reasons that's no longer acceptable? That and admittedly, I can't take the way that it's being done in terms of management and business all that seriously. It's entirely a social construct. This is why it won't really go anywhere other than long enough for it to continue going. People wreck their lives around this stuff, I've seen it happen dozens and dozens of times.

I guess the thing that bugs me about it is that he's always stood by that he's in control of the situation. And over time, it's looking less and less like that's how it is. And I could handle it and get over it if he would've just admitted it to me rather than lying to me about it. I don't judge the man. He's my best friend. But you can't really help someone, that doesn't want help either.

So, after some words were said, he's managed it from a top-down and talked to us both privately. I responded with the notion that I've mostly slept it off. I later replied that I'd like to mend things, for friendship purposes.

She's very young though. 23. And neither of them have had that much life experience. OR practical guidance, since they tend to reject all the help.

Anyway, wherever it goes, it goes.
My solution to maintaining a friendship is just a long time of not really speaking very much. She's in the middle of wanting to be taken seriously. Which, for obvious reasons stated above, I can't really do. Not because I think she's stupid, because she's actually quite smart. But because I think she acts quite passive-aggressively and immature. Regardless, I put the effort forward to patch it up. I'd rather not lose anymore friends.


My solution to hacking it off, is exactly that.

It's of no particular consequence to me, on a level of social or networking level, if there is slander. I'm not going to pursue metal in the underground community. Hell, I probably won't really pursue metal again for a while. I've been doing it like 13 years. (I'm 28). I'm kind of tired of it. I've never taken it all that professionally, because like I said: I know better. In fact, I've usually avoided the professional route. I only stuck this through because he's my best friend and I wanted to help.
 

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