prokofievs
New member
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2016
- Messages
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I need to let this out of me. Maybe it will help me to feel better in some way.
I am going to be 28 years old and I am feeling totally trapped in my life. I am living in a vicious cycle and I have no found a door to escape it. I spend everyday at home closed in my room using the computer. I do not have a job, I do not have a car and I do not have any friend to go out. It has been like this for years already. It is very horrible living that pattern and knowing that I am not enjoying this life. All I feel is frustration and anxiety almost daily.
It has been years without developing my career and the only option that I have is doing freelance work online. That does not really contribute to my future nor it brings me any good money or mental health. Finding a job locally is not easy to me. I do not have a car and public transportation is very limited and exhausting. To add to that, there are not many job options.
Having fun locally is totally limited as well. Without a car, I cannot get anywhere, and there are not many things of my interest that I can have easy access. I love walking but walking here is not enjoyable, so I do not do it. Going out in the night is totally dangerous due to the criminality (plus there is not night life here).
The friends from my school years are not friends anymore despite that I try to talk to them online. Almost all of them have left this place and only 2 are still living here. And I do not see them, they are not interested to talk to me. And they got in the habit of smoking marijuana. I am not interested in that. I have had online friends, but those come and go. I do not feel a deep connection.
Last month I got the chance to travel to another country for 2 weeks. I felt amazing and it was one of the best experiences, but as soon as I came back, I got back to the same cycle with zero money.
I wish I could change all this and I cannot find a way yet. One of my goals this year (which was a goal last year) is to try to take English lessons to improve my verbal communication (English is not my native language). However, I do not have the money to pay for intensive lessons and again transportation is a problem to me. And one of the main reason to take lessons is to get out and to see people!
How am I living without a job? I am "lucky" that I am living in a house with my parents. My dad does not work. My mom is the only one working (a simple job) and all she pay for me is my food and the internet/phone bill and any help that I might need. The rest is paid by an uncle that take control of the house and receive money from a rented floor we have here.
There is a lot more, but this part is what I needed to at least let out.
I am going to be 28 years old and I am feeling totally trapped in my life. I am living in a vicious cycle and I have no found a door to escape it. I spend everyday at home closed in my room using the computer. I do not have a job, I do not have a car and I do not have any friend to go out. It has been like this for years already. It is very horrible living that pattern and knowing that I am not enjoying this life. All I feel is frustration and anxiety almost daily.
It has been years without developing my career and the only option that I have is doing freelance work online. That does not really contribute to my future nor it brings me any good money or mental health. Finding a job locally is not easy to me. I do not have a car and public transportation is very limited and exhausting. To add to that, there are not many job options.
Having fun locally is totally limited as well. Without a car, I cannot get anywhere, and there are not many things of my interest that I can have easy access. I love walking but walking here is not enjoyable, so I do not do it. Going out in the night is totally dangerous due to the criminality (plus there is not night life here).
The friends from my school years are not friends anymore despite that I try to talk to them online. Almost all of them have left this place and only 2 are still living here. And I do not see them, they are not interested to talk to me. And they got in the habit of smoking marijuana. I am not interested in that. I have had online friends, but those come and go. I do not feel a deep connection.
Last month I got the chance to travel to another country for 2 weeks. I felt amazing and it was one of the best experiences, but as soon as I came back, I got back to the same cycle with zero money.
I wish I could change all this and I cannot find a way yet. One of my goals this year (which was a goal last year) is to try to take English lessons to improve my verbal communication (English is not my native language). However, I do not have the money to pay for intensive lessons and again transportation is a problem to me. And one of the main reason to take lessons is to get out and to see people!
How am I living without a job? I am "lucky" that I am living in a house with my parents. My dad does not work. My mom is the only one working (a simple job) and all she pay for me is my food and the internet/phone bill and any help that I might need. The rest is paid by an uncle that take control of the house and receive money from a rented floor we have here.
There is a lot more, but this part is what I needed to at least let out.