this may be a lot all at once

Not sure what to really talk about since i feel like i have a long list of issues that are just driving me crazy.

live on disability and give half my monthly earnings to pay for internet/cable bills given this setup i can never really move out because i couldn't afford it and that would only work if i moved in with someone or multiple people.

I do exercise some, i take a bike ride in my neighborhood everyday and go on the tredmill for 20-25mins in the evening so its not like i'm sitting on my ass gaming all the time.

live at home with my parents and i help with manual labor whenever.
had a bad health track record when i was young,spent way too much time in hospitals and now i don't do much that invovles me getting sick or injured including getting headaches from being over emotional over things that shouldn't even be an issue as having migraines from time to time.

never learned how to drive for one reason or another, this is by far my biggest problem but i just don't know about changing this, i don't have the focus to get through the book nor the self confidence to believe i'd be a safe driver. you could say i have a irrational fear of driving
dealing with constant mental stress from spending years being single and alone. much of my time is spent in my room gaming,listening to music,watching tv but always alone with my two cats.

I have very realistic dreams of a sad future for myself and when i wake up sometimes i continue to think about them and some days i don't and move on with the routine i have.

i do talk to people when i get around them most of the time so its not that i'm totally off my game socially but having a constant feeling of being lonely,depressed, low self esteem is not helping, i haven't had a positive outlook on life for years.

I'm constantly bothered by the fact i wake up and go to bed alone. my last relationship was about six years ago give or take and that only lasted maybe six months and i ran into my ex weeks ago and we talked and she's with someone so i said nothing to her about getting back together.
the whole concept of love is something i can't even remember how it feels given how long i've been alone and single and not having any local friends doesn't help at all since most of them after finishing high school we all went our seperate ways.

while being at a party recently i got some drinks in me and started chatting to some women i know that are friends of my brother & sister in law and everything went fine but finding out all of them were not single left me feeling like i was in friendzone hell and it's not the first time i've interacted with these women that are friends of my bro and sister in law.
overall when i basically get nowhere with any of them i feel like someone is playing a cruel joke on me. This one specific woman i was talking to the way she was dressed and made up i couldn't take my eyes off of her for most of the night and we talked some but once she said she was seeing someone it shot any hope i had to suggest we hang out and get to know each other since she said how successful this guy was,good looking, could hold his liquor. but i also remembered all of these women were bar crawling types and me being not a huge drinker or any other bad habits means i'm pretty much out of the running as a prospect to anyone. my biggest achievement of all of this was having about four jack and cokes in me and staying awake and continuing to socialize.

some positive outlooking people would tell me something like there are other fish in the sea or the grass is always greener on the other side. both can be true for some people but false for others and especially when you don't have the best luck trying to get with anyone.

A lot of that could of been me that typed it.

Well I know what you mean about life on disability. It just doesn't pay the bills this I know.
I do have my own place. I had help in getting it tho. For that I am lucky.

Getting tied when out is also something else I struggle with. I am always the first to wont to go home.
Its not always easy when you run out of energy faster then you should. It does not exactly make you wont to be sociable when you feel tied and all you wont to do is sleep.

There was other stuff that I can relate to quiet a bit. But for now....

.....Welcome here

yeah thanks,

Even if those girls are taken, you should try and get to know them and hang with them. They might introduce you to someone you like who isn't taken.

Paraiyar said:

Even if those girls are taken, you should try and get to know them and hang with them. They might introduce you to someone you like who isn't taken.

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I would do that but since i don't drive i don't get to get around them often and i worry about things like if it doesn't work out and if the breakup is messy it complicates things with them and whatever other friends are involved so i have to think about these things very carefully and usually avoid trying to get into relationships with anyone like that. so this is probably why i've spent the last six years alone.