It's been since November and I'm still grieving over his death....

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WallflowerGirl83

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One of my best friends committed suicide and I'm still not over it. I feel so much sadness and other times I feel numb. Anytime I try post about it, I end up erasing it or deleting it. Hate being a burden on others. Believe I even scared away people on here. I hardly talk to many people anymore or even visit the chat room. It's very hard for me to socialize sometimes. Before I had so much anger inside me and people would want to hang out with me, I ended up ignoring the phone calls and ignoring messages on Skype. It's still very hard to deal with. Anytime I see a kid blowing bubbles I start sobbing thinking of him because he bought a bubble gun and him and I would use it in his car. I started crying as I remember the memory of us driving through the Taco Bell drive through and so many bubbles were in the car. He had a paddle out memorial and I handed the bubble gun to his mother. She's griefing so much right now and we talk every once in awhile on Facebook. Before I moved away from my old town she wanted me to come over and she handed me his Pink Floyd hoodie and said he wanted me to have it.... It's been so long since I've expressed myself like this about this. My therapist told me to get it out of my system and to stop trying to hide it, I just hate talking about it, it's so hard for me...like as of right now it's killing me to get this out.
 
Getting it out of your system is good, your therapist is right in that. Otherwise it stays in your head where some of it can be harder to figure out, and just keep going around and around. There's nothing about reacting to death that needs to be hidden or is shameful.

I lost a close friend when to suicide when I was 16 and it took me years to fully process it, so it's not unusual for this to take time. I avoided some stuff down to the opening song to his favorite anime series for awhile, except when I wanted to remember. As much time as you need.
 
You are remembering happy fun times
It probably adds to stuggling to understand

There is only one person that knows why but even if he could tell you it wouldnt make sense
 
A good friend of mine killed himself in 2013 and it still bothers me a bit so don't go thinking there is anything unusual about yourself here.
 
I agree with your therapist that it is good for you to write/talk about it and getting it out of your system. It is so hard to lose someone we care about. You won't scare us off at all by confiding in us. As Paraiyar said, you aren't unusual at all in feeling the way you do.
 
Hello WallFlower,

yeah, it is not easy. Im angry all the time because my father died when I was 8. It really takes a long time. But there will be 'events' that will take place in your life. Over time, with these coincidences you will learn that there is a "higher intelligence". We are being watched and monitored. (yes, by Angels)  And even with that, there is always  the battleground of what is really the purpose of life. Obviously, your friend came to the conclusion that life was not worth it. It was a selfish act. It hurt a lot of people, the people that loved him. 

I have been suicidal probably 9 times in my life. I lost the will to live. And now when I look back on it, I was just taking myself too seriously. Too hard on myself.  And even right now, it is so cold outside....whoa....I don't even want to leave the house....ha ha!!!! But when you lose someone you love, the grieving process can TAKE A LONG TIME TO PASS!!! WHOA....it is bad. As time passes, there will come a time just like it has with my father and mother. IT IS AS IF THEY NEVER EXISTED AT ALL!!!!  The whole thing of life, paying the bills, and just moving on take over......and the mind will forget. 

I'm guilty of the same thing, in grieving and being depressed, you are letting life pass you by. I'm sure your friend does NOT want you to have the blues. You will see him/her again anyway in the next world. There is life after death by the way. Read BEYOND THE LIGHT by PMH Atwater. The book saved MY LIFE.....and it will change yours. 

You have to remember, YOU are a very special and wonderful creature in God's movie. You are a star. And you are loved by MOTHER UNIVERSE.....she watches over us. There is nothing wrong with crying and there is nothing wrong with praying.  When you are in trouble, pray. Pray to anything,....a tree, the sky.....the moon....better yet..
PRAY to your friend that committed suicide.....pray for strength. Try it, you have nothing to lose. 

Then....I promise, something magical will happen.....and it will put a smile on your face,.
You have to change your mind and see the stars and the moon, and the sun......we have to stay in the movie and find the magic in our own lives. 

love and light.....(no I'm not a christian......I do believe in reincarnation and life after death)


Talk about losing the will to live. Get on YOUTUBE and watch this video. I was in this group
and Jimmy the lead singer was killed in a car wreck a month after the video was made.
OMG....what a magical guy. He was a gifted men. It took me years to shake it. I lost
my will to live...for sure.  Jimmy like your friend wants you to enjoy life. it is
a *****......but it will pass. And you will be laughing again. 

Check it out, Jimmy's stage name is Johnny America....I'm the saxman. 

 
Yes. I lost a couple to suicide last year. It was one of the things that ended up destroying my relationship. I was a wreck. So I get it.

Understand though, there are two things when somebody dies. One is the grief. The other is simply missing the person. The grief does get better. It will go away. You will stop crying. It depends on the person. It might take a month. It might take a year. It might take ten years. But it will go away. I promise you this.

But the sheer, simple MISSING somebody never goes away. It's a bit easier than the grief, but it is still not easy. Sometimes, I will hear a funny story, and think, "Hey, my dad would like that! I'll tell him. ... oh wait..."

But it's not all bad. This is how they live on in you.
 
omg I feel your pain. So sorry. My very dear and only friend went in front of a train over a week ago and I am going crazy. It is so hard I can't function.
 

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