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fabs45

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Hi there, i am a 27 year old sige male, i dont look it by high but by facial hair i look older...i was not sure where to post this issue or concern i had cause its very unusual ...Before i share it as it is difficult to do soo, please no stereotyping or persecutions thank you.
I just finished college recently having two diplomas, one in recreation and leisure services and one in social services..My passion is working with children one of these days, however i recently told myself that that might not be a great idea for me..I always had a strong connection with children and also abandonment issues meaning i get really sad if i leave as an afterschool coordinator and i know the children get upset as well...I never understood why i get so sad at leaving a child care setting only after a few weeks...Was it because i had a strong bond with the children that could not be replaced, was it because i was really lonely, or was it because i am just a big kid inside...Well, the fact that i had a hard time getting the children that i had a strong connection with out of my head made me realize it might be something else, something horrible...I think of myself as a fairly decent guy not ever wanting to do anything that would hurt somebody else so i come on here asking for help or any treatments that anybody knows of for my situation...Any help would be greatly appreciated
 
Hi there.

I know it must have been very difficult to write this and I admire your courage. While I would never rule anything out, you might just be experiencing a form of adult separation anxiety. If you were... that way, it's likely that you would have already acted on the urge, especially if you've already had sustained long-term contact with children.

I know there are services that work with people who are a potential risk to children so maybe you could contact one, explain your situation and ask for an assessment? It's daunting, I know, but it might assuage your fears.
 
Let me just echo what Lifestream said. I also admire your courage.

Can I ask why you think your a danger tho? I mean let me come strait out and say it.
Are you sexually attracted to any of this kids?
Because to me it did not sound like that.
Just because you find your self caring it dose not mean anything like that.

Children are very easy to feel close to because there cute, honest and playful and normally much more joyous people to be around then adults.
And there is a lot less talking about you baldy behind your back so there more trustworthy then most adult's too.

I think maybe your just feeling a bit alone and sad for them and thats confusing your feelings.
In less your going to tell me something else that you have not made more clear I would give your self a brake.
A man is aloud to have feelings for a child. This is why there is a shortage of male teachers. Because of things like this.

Of course if you do have any feelings that are sexual then you need to stay away from this kids.
Not just for there sake but for your own has well.
 
Bluey said:
Let me just echo what Lifestream said. I also admire your courage.

Can I ask why you think your a danger tho? I mean let me come strait out and say it.
Are you sexually attracted to any of this kids?
Because to me it did not sound like that.
Just because you find your self caring it dose not mean anything like that.

Children are very easy to feel close to because there cute, honest and playful and normally much more joyous people to be around then adults.
And there is a lot less talking about you baldy behind your back so there more trustworthy then most adult's too.

I think maybe your just feeling a bit alone and sad for them and thats confusing your feelings.
In less your going to tell me something else that you have not made more clear I would give your self a brake.
A man is aloud to have feelings for a child. This is why there is a shortage of male teachers. Because of things like this.

Of course if you do have any feelings that are sexual then you need to stay away from this kids.
Not just for there sake but for your own has well.

Thank you both for your feedback on the matter....Well i first starting thinking about the problem when i first aw a tv episode that had a guy portraying a children's entertainer cause he LOVED children so he wanted to be close to them, but off course nothing was proofen on whether he liked being around children or whether it was on a higher level....Yes throughout my career journey and through all my co-op experiences the only time i shined was when i was placed around children...At my church though their was a time a 5 year old girl had a little crush on me i suppose, maybe it was cause i protected her from her older brother one time so i dunno if it was a sign of grateful or something else...it didnt last very long and when it went away, i wanted the feeling back, i don't know if it was because i loved feeling needed or sine i haven't had many relationships i felt lonely is that normal?, well the 5 year having a crush on me and the part about me wanting the feeling back, or does it make me feel worse?
Thanks for your inputs...
 
Well, kids can be a lot of fun to spend time with, there's no doubt about that. But- you're clearly concerned about your feelings towards children. It sounds like you're dancing on a fine line between wanting to just spend time with kids versus something more sinister.
I don't think we can provide any answers here but I really think you need to find someone offline to talk with. Someone non-judgmental who can help you sort through your feelings. Is there anyone you can talk to or are you able to locate someone to talk to?

-Teresa
 
fabs45 said:
At my church though their was a time a 5 year old girl had a little crush on me i suppose, maybe it was cause i protected her from her older brother one time so i dunno if it was a sign of grateful or something else...

She looked up to you, and yes its sweet when a little girls looks up to you like that and is a complement and very flattering.
Kids well change there minds about things and people quite a lot.
You should not feel upset when they move on to another thing they love.
Thats just what kids do. I dont think she was anything but grateful to you tho. A 5 year old would not know anything more about anything on a higher level has you put it.

fabs45 said:
i haven't had many relationships i felt lonely is that normal?,

Yes thats normal.
I would say most people on this bard feel like that.

fabs45 said:
well the 5 year having a crush on me and the part about me wanting the feeling back, or does it make me feel worse?

You liked the feeling of being liked. It is faltering but you need to ask yourself if it was just that or was it doing anything for you on a sexual level?
Only you can answer that.

There is a big difference in caring for someone and fancying them.
I personally think that you are getting the 2 confused.

You should not feel guilty cos you felt nice cos a little girl took a shining to you. You should just feel proud that she looked at you has a role modal.
It is one of them very sweat and innocent things that kids do that we all love. You should also not feel bad cos she now has moved on. Any parent on here am sure well tell you there are times there kids well go to them for a cuddle and an hour later the will be crying telling you that they hate you. Its all part of looking after a kid.

Only you can say if your feelings are more then they should be.
If they are then you need to get another job that dont involve working with children. If not then give your self a brake and learn just to accept this kids for what they are.
 
Bluey said:
fabs45 said:
At my church though their was a time a 5 year old girl had a little crush on me i suppose, maybe it was cause i protected her from her older brother one time so i dunno if it was a sign of grateful or something else...

She looked up to you, and yes its sweet when a little girls looks up to you like that and is a complement and very flattering.
Kids well change there minds about things and people quite a lot.
You should not feel upset when they move on to another thing they love.
Thats just what kids do. I dont think she was anything but grateful to you tho. A 5 year old would not know anything more about anything on a higher level has you put it.

fabs45 said:
i haven't had many relationships i felt lonely is that normal?,

Yes thats normal.
I would say most people on this bard feel like that.

fabs45 said:
well the 5 year having a crush on me and the part about me wanting the feeling back, or does it make me feel worse?

You liked the feeling of being liked. It is faltering but you need to ask yourself if it was just that or was it doing anything for you on a sexual level?
Only you can answer that.

There is a big difference in caring for someone and fancying them.
I personally think that you are getting the 2 confused.

You should not feel guilty cos you felt nice cos a little girl took a shining to you. You should just feel proud that she looked at you has a role modal.
It is one of them very sweat and innocent things that kids do that we all love. You should also not feel bad cos she now has moved on. Any parent on here am sure well tell you there are times there kids well go to them for a cuddle and an hour later the will be crying telling you that they hate you. Its all part of looking after a kid.

Only you can say if your feelings are more then they should be.
If they are then you need to get another job that dont involve working with children. If not then give your self a brake and learn just to accept this kids for what they are.


Thank you all for your input..First of all it wasn't hard to share this experience on here, the only reason why i thought it might be difficult is cause i shared a similar experience on a different site and people went straight to making accusations about me so that the only reason i thought it might be bad sharing anything on social sites. Secondly something i forgot to mention too, i am an only child and always wondered what it would be like having siblings...so maybe i visualize myself as the kids being my siblings if that makes any sense?...Lastly when i was doing my co-op experience at a summer camp building relationships (more with girls, which i find strange)---maybe they easier to talk to, some of the female counsellors thought it was disturbing that i was building close relationship with the girls...I never quite understood that when females build close relationship with kids its thought of as cute or motherly, but when guys do it its weird or creepy...i cant believe we still live in a world where those stereotypes exist...i am not scared anymore of doing anything to the children cause i never harm them, but i am scared of forming close relationships with them based on what the other counsellors might think of me?
 
I did have one sister growing up. She is only a year younger then me and we used to fight all the time lol
Apart from fighting we just used to do our own things. I would stick up for her if I had to.
But manly just did my own thing with my mates.
I do kinda know what your saying there but it does not make much sense to me.
Maybe someone that had a brother that they used to hang and so stuff with would relate to that more then me.

The people on this bard for the most part are really nice and not judgmental.
I think most on here would recognize that you dont help someone by just ridiculing them.
Sometimes like everywhere you do get the odd person that would.
But the mods here would not let that get out of control and would intervene if it was necessary.

You know there is a shortage of male teachers just because a lot of men worry about being accused of this kinda thing.
Its a very sad thing cos its important that kids at school see men doing those sort of jobs.

I think this women that made you feel like this are responsible for how you feel.
Did you have this feelings be for this women said this things?
I would ignore the other small minded counsellors.
A man has as much right to get involved in helping a child has a women has.

Maybe you could go and get yourself some therapy and explain to the therapist everything you have to us here?
The more I hear from you the more I think that you are just not how you suspect yourself to be.
I think your just really scared that they may be right and now your questioning why you wont to work with kids because of this women.
That would be a shame if you let them turn you away from what you love out of a fear thats just your own insecurities.
Dont let other people put ideas in you head thats not true. If that was me I would end up getting really nasty with them.
By your own admission you have said you would never hurt them. Just be yourself.
 

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