PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE

Hi there,
So just a little about myself...I have a mental disability, anxiety depression and bi polar and really bad luck to boot...
So now that i kinnda summed up what everyday is for me, i'll get o the headings..
PAST: So i live in Canada now but moved here when i was 9, having spoken no english wats so ever...I used to get bullied a lot in elementary school (but that might be normal)...I couldnt understand jokes or references others would make, soo i still feel very slow in learning towards other peers and sometimes i really just fake it when somebody tells a joke i just dont understand...Than theirs also the fact that i have really distant parents (I dont talk to cause they dont think i ever amount to anything hich i kinnda agree with at this point) so i get really jelous, lonely hen i see other people that have good relationships of any kind..I just get really angry and i tell myself i dont have a girlfriend cause i am afraid of hurting her emotionally or driving her away with my need to feel something other than pain...than their is something about the small ammount of friends that see to be decreasing every time i say something...I have a really hard time being happy for people who seem to have a great family live, lots of friends, good relationships a great job or inner peace i guess..and quickly turn to abandening them from my live (usually my fault, used to it though) when however i see i wronged the i try to make up with them but get called all sorts of names instead (you gotta love social media), yet my other friends who also were connected to that one person i tried to reach out too have no problems repairing their friendship with one another while i get yelled at, i do not understand that....?
PRESENT: This will be shorter, pretty much i stay in bed 11 hrs a day wide awake wondering what i did to get so much bad karma my way and yes not much interest in enjoying anything...
FUTURE: i am a 27 year old male who has 2 college diplomas which i dont even understand how i managed to obtain, lets call it luck cause really dont believe in skill anymore..but yet i still hope to get a decent job one day or somebody who can bring the life back into me but i dunno how that can happen with my reputation of driving everybody away...So i always wonder where my life is heading in a few years from now...

It sounds like you are making excuses based on what you think others think of you.

It doesn't really matter what happened in the past, the past is gone, leave it where it's supposed to be. Focus on the present, not the future. Do what you want to do (unless it's staying in bed 11 hours a day, because that won't help anything get better) and what will make you happy, not what others expect you to do or what you think you are supposed to do.

Make you own luck. If something bad happens, so what....bad things happen to everything. The only thing that matters is what you choose to do after something bad happens. You can let it defeat you or you can pick yourself up and try again.