I put myself out there and...

Regreted every minute.

Today I was finally getting out of my last tests. My 15:00 class was suspended and I took the chance of going to a place. This guy I knew on the book club told me about another club some miles near; about 2 months ago. I actually got the courage of getting out of my comfort zone and try it. I could have just go home and enjoy my afternoon but people keep telling that you need to make things happen. So I had to write something for the group. Two pages, top. I rushed to do it knowing the clubs was from 5 to 7. I really gave my best to write something decent but...
The printer at UNI won't let me. The right side of the page came blurry or almost in blank. I tried a couple of times and nothing. I thought I won't let be defeated so I went and filled the gaps using my memory. I had band rehearsal at 8, so my time was scarce. The printer issue made me get there late. No better way to meet new people by being late and enter a full room with everyone staring at you. I suffer from a slight speech inpediment and my tone of voice is nosey and not very clear. The class was pretty good and I was able to hear other people read their work. They were really good. I didn't say anything or made any critic until the teacher asked me.
1st signal of inadequacy.
He probably saw me and asked me because I wasn't participating. My quietness shows yet again. I responded the best I could, struggling to get my words in the best way possible.
We hear about 7 works until we got pass the end time.
2dn Signal. I never was able to say I was going late to rehearsal because it was my first time and I didn't want to be rude. And I wanted to read my stuff to not feel I wasted time doing it. I was scared to do it anyway.
So the last person narrated his story and they were set. At that moment I hesitated. My two pages were barely legible and I didn't want to take the risk. Reading it was hard, even more if I had the preassure of not knowing what word came after, and only trust my memory. But I also didn't want to be myself again and think "I want to avoid exposure and not reading it" So I did it...
I raised my hand and asked to read it. I took the shot I'm always hearing you need to take. I gave my best, I swear but it was a torture. I was making up some words as I read it. I was in panic. I hear myself but I could hear in the distance "I don't understand" and "he speaks too low". After a minute I had to stop and simply asked for the next week. i was devastated.
They were understanding and all but I know they felt pitty. I explained about the printer but I'm sure they didn't understand my words either that time. I put myself at ridicule. I could just go home and watch youtube, but I took a risk and failed miserably.
After that I got late to rehearsal and tried not to cry the hole time. I really don't want to go next week. By that time my voice won't sound better or louder. I won't pronounce better or have a better tone. They writings were so good and I just looked like an idiot. I don't know why I even try. I followed that **** advice of making things happen and only bad things happen. Why does every aspect of myself has to be a battle in the most common things? Why I can't have a ******* rest?! I feel like screaming right now...

Keep going. You'll improve over time and get more comfortable.

It's hard to put yourself out there and be vulnerable so good job for doing that and getting out of your comfort zone. It takes a lot of courage to do that.

You will get better if you keep going.

kamya said:

Keep going. You'll improve over time and get more comfortable.

It's hard to put yourself out there and be vulnerable so good job for doing that and getting out of your comfort zone. It takes a lot of courage to do that.

You will get better if you keep going.

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Well, I went exclusively because I didn't have class. I have class from 3 to 5 and the club starts at 5. I can't make it on time unless I go away earlier or came 30 minutes late every time. But the main issues that I can't improve right away. I won't imporve next week or next month. My voice has always sounded like this and it would take years to change that. The class is very demanding too, you have to write every week, make books reports and read full novels. I'm barely struggling with my studies ,work and band rehearsal. No wonder there was mostly old ladies in there. I was supposed to meet people my age but I've said before my interests don't allow it. Young people simply don't have time for that and prefer to be social in places I wouldn't go. What I hate the most is the fact that just to challenge myself for a change and it backfired instantly. That's why is called confort zone, because you can trust that you can handle it, and getting out of it doesn't garantee success. This was my first impression and I ruin it. Only thing good was that there wasn't a girl my age there to see me act so pathetic. Yes, I haven't meet any girl with being "out there", because they Out There is not the same I prefer. Call it bad luck, murphy's law or whatever. The printer, the rehearsal, my voice, my life. Everything always takes the wrong turn and ends up in the wrong note for me, doesn't matter with what attitude I try it. I will just torture myself if I keep going.

Heey man, really great that you did this, that certainly wasn't easy. Very courageous that you decided to read your pages regardless of the way you were feeling, respect for that.

I'm sorry it went the way it did for you. To be honest i internally chuckled upon reading your misfortune with the printer. Not at you, but i myself experience situations like that often. There's pressure on you for one reason or another and something just has to go wrong. It's incredibly frustrating. Nice problem solving though! Of course it wasn't as good as it would be with the printer working, but i think you worked around it greatly.

In case you don't get my drift yet, i think you're expecting too much, too fast, from getting out of your comfort zone. When these expectations aren't met, you relentlessly attack yourself from any angle you can find. And those are a shitton of angles.

I definitely agree with Kamya that you need to keep going. Next time could be better. Might also be worse. In the end though you'll definitely get better out of it. You may perhaps find out later on that this just isn't for you, and then you can move on to something else. There's no certainty in any of this, which is kind of the beauty of this, too.

I believe you can do this, if you don't it'll only get harder. Now is the time to push through! Also, YouTube is going to honeysuckle lately, so no going back there!

Anyway best of luck man!

Volt said:

Heey man, really great that you did this, that certainly wasn't easy. Very courageous that you decided to read your pages regardless of the way you were feeling, respect for that.

I'm sorry it went the way it did for you. To be honest i internally chuckled upon reading your misfortune with the printer. Not at you, but i myself experience situations like that often. There's pressure on you for one reason or another and something just has to go wrong. It's incredibly frustrating. Nice problem solving though! Of course it wasn't as good as it would be with the printer working, but i think you worked around it greatly.

In case you don't get my drift yet, i think you're expecting too much, too fast, from getting out of your comfort zone. When these expectations aren't met, you relentlessly attack yourself from any angle you can find. And those are a shitton of angles.

I definitely agree with Kamya that you need to keep going. Next time could be better. Might also be worse. In the end though you'll definitely get better out of it. You may perhaps find out later on that this just isn't for you, and then you can move on to something else. There's no certainty in any of this, which is kind of the beauty of this, too.

I believe you can do this, if you don't it'll only get harder. Now is the time to push through! Also, YouTube is going to honeysuckle lately, so no going back there!

Anyway best of luck man!

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Idk. It wouldn't be bad if I just keep being myself and not read the **** thing the way it was. It was really dumb to think I could pull that off. It was also bad timing, since we were pass the time and they wanted to go home. But my concern now is if I can keep up with the weekly assignments and scaping class earlier to go there. Once first impressions are know is very hard to overcome that. My expectations were normal, I just wanted to have a good time; how's that so hard?
I feel really out of place demographicaly. I'm the youngests by far and only 3 males from 14 people.

Props to you for at least trying. Most people won't even make an attempt to go outside their comfort zones. It's called a comfort zone because going outside it will make you feel uncomfortable.
Sometimes going outside your comfort zone has a satisfactory result, sometimes it doesn't. No one does perfectly at everything they try the first time. Stop beating yourself up over it.
On a side note, I'm terrible at public speaking, invariably someone always says I'm speaking too quietly. There are groups to help with public speak like Toastmasters International, someday when I get the guts, I'll join and at last become a good public speaker. There might be a group in your area too if that's something that interests you.

-Teresa

SofiasMami said:

Props to you for at least trying. Most people won't even make an attempt to go outside their comfort zones. It's called a comfort zone because going outside it will make you feel uncomfortable.
Sometimes going outside your comfort zone has a satisfactory result, sometimes it doesn't. No one does perfectly at everything they try the first time. Stop beating yourself up over it.
On a side note, I'm terrible at public speaking, invariably someone always says I'm speaking too quietly. There are groups to help with public speak like Toastmasters International, someday when I get the guts, I'll join and at last become a good public speaker. There might be a group in your area too if that's something that interests you.

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I don't think it has to be literally uncomfortable, but at least challenging. It has always been a disaster for me, can't explain that. Parties, groups, sports, knowing people. Everything goes bad when I try for the first time. Forget about clubs and groups too. I've said many times I don't live in the first world. Nearest toastmaster is 100kms away. Whatever thing you can think of it will be twice as dificult to me from what you believe.

I applaud your courage. I truly do.
But...
I think as you said, the timing was bad. While I know every situation won't always be ideal, maybe the next time you might do as Volt suggested and don't rush things. Don't possibly set yourself up for possible failure (running late, printer failure, etc). I'm guessing you might have anxiety and the obsticals that you faced likely made that much worse.
Like I said, every situation can't be ideal, but if you formulate a plan to step outside of your comfort zone, try to take steps to make it as painless as you can. Good luck.

Ok. Second time was better... but I'm starting to dislike some people there.

Xpendable said:

Ok. Second time was better... but I'm starting to dislike some people there.

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Maybe just give them the benefit of the doubt? Or just focus on the people that you aren't feeling this with?

Xpendable,

Your story reminded me of an anecdote I just read this morning about Albert Einstein. Here's the story, from Emma Seppala's "The Happiness Track."

"As a child, he was so slow in learning to speak and write that his family thought he might be mentally handicapped. Later, he was expelled from school and failed to gain admittance to Zurich Polytechnic School. When he finally did finish university, he was the only one in his class who did not land a teaching position. Had Einstein believed in the strengths theory, he would have assumed that he did not have what it took to be a scientist. However, because he believed that his skills could develop, he did not let the failures stop him but went on to revolutionize physics, eventually winning a Nobel Prize."

Seppala also quotes Einstein, who said "Failure is success in progress." This was my first thought upon reading your story – you may have viewed that first time as a failure, but it was in fact just the first step toward success. The fact that you've gone back to the book club a second time means you've taken the second step as well, so you're on your way and doing more than most.

You're right to point out that changing the way you read may take time, but it WILL happen if you keep going and keep at it.

Congrats to you for having the courage to stay with it – it says a lot about you and suggests that you will indeed find success.

Xpendable said:

I actually got the courage of getting out of my comfort zone and try it. I could have just go home and enjoy my afternoon but people keep telling that you need to make things happen. So I had to write something for the group. Two pages, top. I rushed to do it knowing the clubs was from 5 to 7. I really gave my best to write something decent but...
The printer at UNI won't let me.

Click to expand...

While I do commend you for trying to expand your comfort zone, I do believe that you have to be mindful about how you do that. Don't set yourself up for failure, or you will NEVER want to leave your comfort zone. Seek out things that actually make you WANT to leave your comfort zone. I think anybody in the same situation would have felt inadequate. That **** printer didn't do you any favors. So you ended up asking to present next week AFTER your public humiliation, when you could have done it before it even happened. Something to think about...

Xpendable said:

1st signal of inadequacy.
He probably saw me and asked me because I wasn't participating. My quietness shows yet again.

Click to expand...

Can you elaborate on this? What kind of participation was expected of you?

Xpendable said:

But I also didn't want to be myself again and think "I want to avoid exposure and not reading it" So I did it...
I raised my hand and asked to read it. I took the shot I'm always hearing you need to take. I gave my best, I swear but it was a torture.

Click to expand...

Don't torture yourself. That's no way to live.

Xpendable said:

I followed that **** advice of making things happen and only bad things happen. Why does every aspect of myself has to be a battle in the most common things? Why I can't have a ******* rest?! I feel like screaming right now...

Click to expand...

It's important that we be mindful about the advice that we follow. What may work for one person may not work for another. Some people are born risk-takers. Some people have excellent opportunities to excel in life dropped in their laps by sheer chance and circumstance. Learn to listen to your intuition/instinct on situations. Most often it will be correct.

The club has one well after this. My main problem now is that I' cheating in my schedule to get there. My classes end at 5 and the club also starts at 5. The last weeks I was lucky enough to escape a little sooner, but this 2 weeks I run late. Last friday I simply couldn't go. I feel that everything conspires to put barriers to this things. Why can't it be at 6? or another day?

Irreverent Gent said:

Xpendable,

Your story reminded me of an anecdote I just read this morning about Albert Einstein. Here's the story, from Emma Seppala's "The Happiness Track."

"As a child, he was so slow in learning to speak and write that his family thought he might be mentally handicapped. Later, he was expelled from school and failed to gain admittance to Zurich Polytechnic School. When he finally did finish university, he was the only one in his class who did not land a teaching position. Had Einstein believed in the strengths theory, he would have assumed that he did not have what it took to be a scientist. However, because he believed that his skills could develop, he did not let the failures stop him but went on to revolutionize physics, eventually winning a Nobel Prize."

Seppala also quotes Einstein, who said "Failure is success in progress." This was my first thought upon reading your story – you may have viewed that first time as a failure, but it was in fact just the first step toward success. The fact that you've gone back to the book club a second time means you've taken the second step as well, so you're on your way and doing more than most.

You're right to point out that changing the way you read may take time, but it WILL happen if you keep going and keep at it.

Congrats to you for having the courage to stay with it – it says a lot about you and suggests that you will indeed find success.

Click to expand...

This Einstein tales are a meme at this point. I'm pretty sure he was smarter than me, tough.

FreedomFromLiberty said:

While I do commend you for trying to expand your comfort zone, I do believe that you have to be mindful about how you do that. Don't set yourself up for failure, or you will NEVER want to leave your comfort zone. Seek out things that actually make you WANT to leave your comfort zone. I think anybody in the same situation would have felt inadequate. That **** printer didn't do you any favors. So you ended up asking to present next week AFTER your public humiliation, when you could have done it before it even happened. Something to think about...

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I saw things as a challenge. Everything was trying to avoid me for going. You can understand that I was fighting against bad luck. I lost.

FreedomFromLiberty said:

Can you elaborate on this? What kind of participation was expected of you?

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I guess one is expected to participate right away. Seeing me there quiet and shy made the teacher ask me for participation with the idea I won't do it for my own if not forced.

FreedomFromLiberty said:

Don't torture yourself. That's no way to live.

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I didn't try, it was what happened.

FreedomFromLiberty said:

It's important that we be mindful about the advice that we follow. What may work for one person may not work for another. Some people are born risk-takers. Some people have excellent opportunities to excel in life dropped in their laps by sheer chance and circumstance. Learn to listen to your intuition/instinct on situations. Most often it will be correct.

Click to expand...

Neither my intuition or advice from others have ever worked. Maybe is just me.

Xpendable said:

I had band rehearsal at 8

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Please, tell me more.

eh, it's not that interesting at it sounds.