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dd11

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Do you have a lot of family? It seems everyone around me has aunts, uncles, cousins, tons of siblings and on and on. They have large family gatherings, reunions, etc. For me, it is myself, DH and our 3 kids which I am very blessed by. Our family is us. Both my and Dh's parents are deceased. My brother is deceased. I have a sister who lives several states away and I am fortunate if i see her once a year. DH has a brother who lives about 2 hrs away and we do so him and his wife from time to time. Neither one of us grew up knowing aunts, uncles or cousins. We have them but for some reason i guess our families didn't cultivate that.
I always wondered what it must be like to have these huge family gatherings. I am grateful for my small family and try to make things special. But, it is interesting to hear people complain about their big families and maybe they don't know that they are fortunate to have so many people involved in their lives.
 
I have a large family. Aunts, uncles, a million cousins....and then my in-laws, who still view me as family, even though my ex and I are no longer together. I try to bring my kids back to visit the in-laws at least once a year (they live 300 miles away).

However, I'm closer with my in-laws than my own family. They are more of a family, not just people related by blood who feel the need to get together once a year for a reunion and pretend to be a family.

A lot of my family lives near me, but some are out of state. I have a great aunt that lives 1/4 mile from me (I live in their parents old house) and I see them once a year at the reunion, unless I don't go to them, then I see them maybe once every 4 years.
 
I have a massive family, especially on my mom's side. A million and 2 cousins. I don't know but about 10% of them though. There's just too many of them. My cousin, at a family funeral a couple of years ago, started asking all of them, "Whose offspring are you?" There's just way too many to keep track. The older ones I know better, but the younger ones, and really all of the ones younger than I am, I really don't know. I grew up knowing them, but didn't really grow up around them. It was just mostly family friends and my immediate family.
 
Not on island. Here it's just me, two sisters, mom, dad, and gramma. Other than that I have cousins but not first cousins, and some aunties and uncles. I'm not exactly sure how we are related, all I know is that my parents say we are related.

But in the Philippines I have more relatives. More on my dad's side than my mom's.
 
I have 5 sister an 2 brothers ...it can be a PIA at times
Both my parents were from big families
My Moms side has an annual picnic that started about 5 yrs ago ...we had noticed that otherwise we only seemed to see each other for funerals

it usually falls more on certain people to make sure family gatherings happen ....if you build it they will come ???

Its obvious it something on your mind have you ever thought of working on a family tree ?
Some of the online family tree places also offer DNA genetic tracking now that are connecting people that otherwise would never ever find each other IE adoption
 
No. It's just my husband and his family who live up north.

Somewhere in the world I have family because my mother was one of 11 (8 survived) but I never knew them as I was born in the UK and they live abroad.
 
Your luckier than me. I have one sister. She has a child but that extended family acts like I am a leper. I have an extended family - uncles, aunts, though and I know this will sound bad, but what is even more sad is that there is something wrong with them. They are dangerous and toxic for me and though they exist I can't be near them. I have tried. What is so annoying is that my sister recognizes this but still hangs with them. I suspect it is that she has an ego problem and they are such disasters she always comes away feeling superior.

As a child my "family" was mom dad and sis. We were pretty happy even though we hardly ever went to family events.
 
I only have three cousins, two of them living thousands of miles away abroad and the third also a long way off. It is incredibly lonely and frightening to have no back up.
 
The grass looks greener on the other side?

Both sets of my grandparents had 7 kids. They have all got married and had kids of there own.
So I have over 50 first cosines and about another 100 second cousins and all together 24 aunts and uncles.

I did use to have big family meals at my grandparents when I was a kid.

I do think when your family is too big it makes you less close.
I dont see hardly anyone from my family now and dont even know who some of them are.
I think there is a lot to be said for having a small family. You might only have 4 or 5 people in your hole family but if those 4 or 5 people take time out in there lifes for you then that is more then some people will have like me who has a family of about 200 who really only has his mum that would take time out to spend time with me. And maybe one cousin if I called him. But he lives at work and has a young family so I would feel guilty in doing that.
 
TheRealCallie said:
So yeah, I drove 300 miles this weekend to visit my in-laws and ended up meeting a family member (by marriage) that lives 10 miles from me that I didn't know I had. Lol

Will you be staying in touch with them? If so, I hope a fulfilling friendship develops.
 
I just have my mother. Grew up without a father. Very isolated and close with her until she met my stepfather. She is ALL i have.

My stepfather is not a father in any sense of the word. He is abusive. My mother is too.

Growing up I had my grandmother (maternal) who hated me too. I saw her a lot until I was about 14/15 then she got her sad disease and was put into a rest-home and I never saw her again. She died a few years later. I never had any love or bond with her at all.

If mum died I would be all alone in the world. I have no friends or family other than her.

Of course I do have other family but they never wanted anything to do with me. They have no idea anyrhing about me.
 
Family relationships always seem weird rather a big or a little family.

My mom and I were never close, in fact a really didn't like her at all until my husband passed away six years ago and somehow we started talking on the phone daily and we really became close. She passed away a couple of years ago and I am glad I have at least that time to remember. My Dad is also gone. Never had a chance to really have a "grown up" relationship with him.

My sister is an alcoholic, after several times of her calling drunk and on these crying jags and keeping me on the phone for hours only to never remember it the next day, I tried to get her to get help and now she will not speak to me.

My brother married a really toxic witch and we fought and so we never spoke for years. He was never interested in my kids' lives nothing, for like 20 years. Then the witch decided to divorce him and he decided to call. I speak with him but I wonder where that is going to lead because after all this time...

I married the second time and had three children and we were not going to be like my family. I think I did pretty well with that in that we all are very close except for my oldest daughter who seemed to go bonkers when her father died and I couldn't seem to do anything to help her. I say we are all, but it is just me and the other two children. So I guess we're pretty small.

You can have a huge family and feel alone and you can have a small family and feel supported. Just depends on rather "they have your back" or not.
 
I have a large family that loves me very much.
Now if it weren't for the fact that they drive me completely ******* insane, I might spend more time around them.
We're there for each other regardless when we need to be though.

MOST people get jealous of that. Then again, most people are not able to actually forgive and forget. Because it takes great personal strength to do so.
 
Oh how right you are Niantiel about the forgiving and forgetting part. I myself have a hard time with that. If someone asks me for forgiveness it is done and forgotten, if they don't I can hang to that like a dog with a bone! Don't know why I can't let it go! Wish I had enough strength to do that...
 
I think forgiveness has to be earned. It's not just saying you're sorry for your behaviour, it's making amends and putting in the hours and a lot of hard work. Forgetting, though... Forgetting is easy. Maybe that's why we tend to put issues aside, especially with family, rather than tackle them head on.
 
I don't really think forgiveness is all that hard, I think it is easy to tell if it is meant by future behavior.

I always look at it like myself, I am human and I make a lot of mistakes, I should be the last person on earth to be unforgiving. And being on the receiving end of forgiveness is such a wondrous thing.

I find it real easy to forgive and to forget if one asks me for forgiveness, then it is all forgotten as well.

If forgiveness is not asked for then I find it impossible or near impossible to forget, so for me I wish forgetting were easy.

I think we put issues aside in family in order to keep the peace. It is easier to sweep them under the rug than deal with them, and since we love our families we let it go.

What I find not so easy to let go of are the big issues that are like a big pink elephant standing in the middle of the room that everyone dances around in order to not have to see or deal with...
 
Forgiveness isn't for the other person, it's for yourself, IMO. It's so you can move on from whatever happened, so you can accept what happened and continue to live your life without being bogged down with ill feelings.

As for forgetting....I don't think you need to forget, just accept that it happened, accept that you can't change what happened and try your best not to let it happen again.

Tiina63 said:
TheRealCallie said:
So yeah, I drove 300 miles this weekend to visit my in-laws and ended up meeting a family member (by marriage) that lives 10 miles from me that I didn't know I had. Lol

Will you be staying in touch with them? If so, I hope a fulfilling friendship develops.

Probably not.
 
dd11 said:
Do you have a lot of family?  It seems everyone around me has aunts, uncles, cousins, tons of siblings and on and on.  They have large family gatherings, reunions, etc.  For me, it is myself, DH and our 3 kids which I am very blessed by.  Our family is us.  Both my and Dh's parents are deceased.  My brother is deceased.  I have a sister who lives several states away and I am fortunate if i see her once a year.  DH has a brother who lives about 2 hrs away and we do so him and his wife from time to time.  Neither one of us grew up knowing aunts, uncles or cousins.  We have them but for some reason i guess our families didn't cultivate that.
 I always wondered what it must be like to have these huge family gatherings.   I am grateful for my small family and try to make things special.  But, it is interesting to hear people complain about their big families and maybe they don't know that they are fortunate to have so many people involved in their lives.

I often imagine what it may be like too. 
I have a partner who has the usual brothers, mum, dad, cousins and kids from a previous relationship, they have gatherings but I am not invited as I am not Family. 
That is frustrating as his ex partner is?
Also he refers to any of his old outlaws as family but I am not family? 

I do not have any immediate family and I dont know any cousins - I think there are some but they will be on the otherside of the world and I dont know how to track them down? (No names, no clues, not even a clue how many if any) 

 I tire of supporting myself and feel a little irritated when other complain about not wanting to meet their family?
Difficult concept for "normal" people to completely understand sometimes. 

I wish I could experience it just for a short time if only to know what it is like?
 

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