Sick of being alone for over 10 years

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Eternitydreamer

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I honestly am 100% alone, I haven't had a friend since I was 13 and the friend I had was false. She was using me and didn't like me the entire time. She moved on and by her blog posts I have spied on, it confirms she thought nothing of me.

I have nobody and spend my life at home alone. People look at me weird in public. They either look disgusted or amused. I am 24 and hate myself and my life. I think I'm an OK person. I smile if I can at others I try. I'm not a mean heartless person. In fact I'm very loyal and loving.

I have tried communities online, I have tried real life, I have tried Facebook groups...but no one will accept me or want me to be their friend. I join a group for people who are freaks like me and get 4 comments that are not helpful or too welcoming. This one chick posts pretty much what I was saying and gets about 30 comments confirming how she feels, wanting to be her friend and constantly saying how they are like her. To be rejected for a place for rejects. I left quickly.
That hurt.

I've tried people who are of my faith, nothing. Several groups. (i am a Christian)

I have not asked anyone to be my friend because that is desperate and stupid, but no one has reached out to me.

All of my attempts in the past have been one-sided. I used to have quite a lot of people in my friends list (no one I knew in real life) but no one had interest in me.

I post about being suicidial, I get about 10 comments like "don't do that" and others post the same thing "we are here for you!!" And such kind comments that reach over 40 replies. This is for a place for Christian people. Do I give off a bad vibe?!

I've tried online dating something is "wrong" with me..my looks or who I am. They look don't say anything or post rejection comments. I think I'm too ugly.
I haven't had a single date in my entire life. I've never had a boyfriend at all or even been kissed or had anyone crush on me! Online dating hasn't worked. No one has taken any interest in me at all. This is all I've been online. The only times I did have interest were for sex.

I tried through high school but I couldn't get anybody. I hid in the school toilets a lot and skipped school because of the amount of bullying I was suffering. I had zero friends then too.

I went to church and gave at least 10 youths (mostly a year or two older) my text number when I was 17, not a single person texted me. I've tried Facebook adding them when I was 17, they wanted nothing to do with me or denied me. They didn't even know I deleted our "friendship" (this was 2009). Thinking back they looked amused I did what I did. I went around giving fairy cards with my text number inside and a nice message.

I tried people who shared interests. They rejected me and wanted nothing to do with me.

I have been 100% alone since I was 13. I've put myself out there and no one likes me.

Life is so not worth it. I'm so alone and miserable. I am so tired of being alone. I even went to this depression thing once when I was 19 but no one made attempts.
I feel like I am so worthless. No one from my past has reached out to me. All the kids from my past...friends with each other on facebook and I wonder why they never thought I was "good enough". Even a teacher saying hello would be enough.
The only time i was reached out too by was two school bullies who deleted me the next day (several years ago)
How is it even possible I am the ONLY person through all of my school years to not have any of them on my friend's list? None ever reached out to me..but I wouldn't want them on there anyway. They all bullied me (or) ignored me totally. At least a teacher? Nope...they all didn't like me either.

Friends list (1) and that person is my mother. Emotionally abusive one at that. I live with her and my a**hole stepfather. (Never had a father in my lofe)

You have probably picked up I don't work. No I have never worked. Nothing much to say about that...I never got degrees or finished school or had any support to get one. Ideally I would like to be a Psychologist or work in a library.

I wish I was dead. No one would come to my funeral.
 
If you couldn"t get a library job, could you get one in retail or a supermarket? At least then you'd have a chance to meet people and possibly make a friend or two.
 
I get highly stressed and can't do maths :( I don't think anyone would hire me
Of dating...put myself out there again...sent waves...have 3 views so far...nothing. Christian dating website. Urgh.... Am i too unadventurous is that it? Sending several "waves" they view me or just view rhe message...don't bother to reply. Great... No jdea why I even try
 
A couple of things. First why are you a freak? I gotta say you dont come across has a freak.

Also you say that your ugly thats why guys dont wont you but yet you had guys message you for sex. well, gotta say I dont think those guys would wont to have sex with you if they thought you where ugly.

People that have never had a partner think there ugly a lot of the time cos of that.
Just the very fact that you have always been single can zap your confidence.
But if you dont work and your not getting out very often then its not surprising that you have not met anyone yet.

I have the same problem in that I also dont work. When I did I had a GF. So I would say working is a big part of meeting people and getting to know guys you might get to be more then friends with.

I know a lot of people that are young dont work cos there not able to find work. Dont know if that is what is stopping you or if its health reasons but if you can get a job I would say thats going to open a lot of doors for you when it comes to friends and maybe lovers.

Bulling from school days can stick with someone for life. I think the way you get over that is to meet other people in the world then you will realize kids can be cruel but that is not something has an adult you have to put up with. You are still young so all that is still going to be fresh in your mined.
I feel for you work is the passport out of where your at right now.
 
I think you are too hard on yourself. It sounds to me like you might hate yourself and that probably projects out to other people, possibly making them hesitant to get close to you.

The other thing I noticed is that you keep saying that no one makes attempts, no on tries, but are you trying? Are you talking to these people beyond the initial greeting/post? It's not enough to just show up or join or even make a post, you have to keep going. You have to make attempts to get to know the people, as well as let them get to know you.

If you want to be a psychologist, why not go to college or see what kind of jobs a local library is offering. But yeah, I would start by getting a job and not getting down on yourself so much.
 
Wish I could reach out and give you a hug. As one person suggested here start going out and doing things you love. It appears you are to caught up on trying to be accepted by others. Once you say funk that and be yourself is when you will start appreciating yourself more.

You listed many negative things about you so lets hear some of the positive. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing most? Do you have hobbies? Do you like sports? What about a job or career? If you could be anything in this world what would you be?

Some of those answers to those questions will stir you into the right direction. Or at the very least I can maybe get you on track.


Good luck and answer back!
 
I think working would be the best thing for you. Working gives a sense of pride , accomplishment and self esteem. Earning your own money gives you options in life. Dont sell yourself short. You are obviously really intelligent and can write well. Start with something part time. All work has value.
 
We've been though similar experiences. I even studied psychology and would love to work at a library. I'm a non-believer, and I'm rejected by other non-believers. I'm rejected by other peer groups as well. People think hostility and gang behavior are proper traits. They probably were at some point in our evolution. It seems to be what our economy is based on, so I don't see it going away soon.

I just happen to luck out and find an honest girl no one else wants. I knew some a while back, but I thought I was too fast for them. Boys.
 
I do hope things get better for you, things can change out of nowhere and you are young.
 
Your message is very touching, i also sometimes feel rejected by other people without understanding why it is happening. I know the problem comes from me since it is impossible that anyone else to be a bad person rejecting me for no reason but cannot say what i do wrong. Like people here says getting a job is good for the self esteem. For your look i think no one is ugly or nice, it is very subjective, you may try to change the way you dress in order to fit more with your personallity and remember the important is that you like how you look not other person, if you like yourself you'll end up with more confidence. Also i'am not religious but interested in spirituality, if you want we can chat.
 
I recently joined a little community group. I feel extremely out of place and come home miserable. I wrote about it. I can't take going there.


12 years end of this year from when I last had a friend :(
 

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