Missing out on the big thing that is "Love"

As a lonely, introvert person I've basically missed out on the the whole concept of love.

My whole life feels as if in stasis, in my mind, as if frozen in time. I can recall the days being a young boy who played in the grass of our familys back garden. How whe took daily trips down to the lake during the summer, just to swim, play and relax.

I guess I'm blessed in that way.

I've never been loved by another person though. I'm "old" now. Going into the latter stages of life, seeing my body crumble right before my very eyes, and having a sense of regret running through me like an endless river that once was the cause of happiness during my childhood.

I feel lost. Like I let down myself, like I failed, a failure is what defines my very exisstence.

I should have tried harder, I should have done more, I should have been more social, then maybe, maybe, I would have a wife and kids right now...

But I got nothing. I guess I'm one of those folks who happily paid for a lottery ticket as child, hoping to get that big brown teddy-bear to take home all for myself.

Only to end up with a worn out ticket, it's not valid, but I guess I'll keep it, as a memento of this day, the day I, even I, could have been something...

I'm a failure with women, they simply don't like me. I guess it's because of my looks or something. Or maybe I just don't get it, I've tried for years now, and ****, I'm writing this with tears in my eyes, none of them ever even wanted to meet me. Boy does that make you feel ugly and hate yourself.

I feel nothing like a "man", I feel like a freak, somthing that is disgusted, and that should be disgusted.

The feelings and thoughts that tag along with that is not pretty, I tell you.

I feel sick and I just want to get help at this moment, but all I really want is to be "normal" I just want to be accepted and maybe even loved, I don't want to be a monster in the shadows anymore.

I am older too, and I know that, looking back on my life there are many things I wish I had done differently or tried harder or chose differently. But I also know that in looking back, hindsight is 20/20 and so I can also see that in those moments I was doing the best I could, with a heart full of good intent and I can't fault that for anything.

You don't have to be in a realtionship, you can still be happy without one.

I love people and in my lifetime I have met many, many thought they were monsters, but I have yet to meet one that actually was.

EDIT: How old are you? I thought you said you were around 30 or something.

I'm around 30, give or take.

You see, I've been alone forever. Sure the grass looks greener over there, but I don't know. Like, I would like to have a cool sweet girl in my life, and maybe even kids, but I can't even go down that path since I'm so socially awkvard.

No one has ever liked me, there was this one girl who just took advantage of me (I realise this afterwards) and had sex with me. This was the one time....

9 years ago...

How do you think it feels for a man in his prime to never have anyone close to him? I'll tell you, it sucks, big time.

What do you mean by socially awkward?

I hear people lament this all the time. But, have you ever looked inward? In order to be liked you have to be likeable. Good grooming, chivalry, pleasant manners will go a lot farther than looks any day. So will some optimism. And, at the beginning of any relationship both sides feel a bit awkward.

Create opportunites to meet and interact socially face to face, not online. Most people on dating sites are phoney. As someone said somewhere else, dating sites suck.

I feel like there are two things you could do here.

I see a lot of "shoulds" in your post, and you say you don't "feel like a man." You put "normal" in quotation marks. That tells me that a lot of the despair you feel is due to you feeling like you're not living up to some kind of grand narrative about having a great romance or setting up a white picket fence with a wife with two kids. You should decide whether that's something you really want for yourself or whether you just feel like a loser because you don't have those things that supposedly everyone has and/or should strive for. You didn't mention non-romantic friends in your post -- I find that those can make your life feel just as fulfilling.

HOWEVER if you decide that romance is something you DO want, I second the advice about going out there and meeting people with optimism and without super high expectations at the start. By that I mean, just try to meet more friends at first -- not everyone you meet has to be a potential partner. That makes things feel less stressful. As your social circle expands, you'll have more opportunities to date people and potentially find The One.

Finally, I strongly disagree that most people on dating sites are phony. I know many people who have found happiness through dating sites. I think a lot of people are scared and desperate and maybe try too hard, but there's good people to be found there.

EmmaWK said:

I feel like there are two things you could do here.

I see a lot of "shoulds" in your post, and you say you don't "feel like a man." You put "normal" in quotation marks. That tells me that a lot of the despair you feel is due to you feeling like you're not living up to some kind of grand narrative about having a great romance or setting up a white picket fence with a wife with two kids. You should decide whether that's something you really want for yourself or whether you just feel like a loser because you don't have those things that supposedly everyone has and/or should strive for. You didn't mention non-romantic friends in your post -- I find that those can make your life feel just as fulfilling.

HOWEVER if you decide that romance is something you DO want, I second the advice about going out there and meeting people with optimism and without super high expectations at the start. By that I mean, just try to meet more friends at first -- not everyone you meet has to be a potential partner. That makes things feel less stressful. As your social circle expands, you'll have more opportunities to date people and potentially find The One.

Finally, I strongly disagree that most people on dating sites are phony. I know many people who have found happiness through dating sites. I think a lot of people are scared and desperate and maybe try too hard, but there's good people to be found there.

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I highly support what you said. First you should accept who you truly are. And that takes patience and time. Be with yourself enough that you come to the conclusion of like, the things you like to do, read, or aspire for. Be youself. And then, once you know that, you should search for people like you. Let go of these pre-conceived notions that mould shallow lifestyles. Forget looking or appearing - first BE, and then go search for people like you. Trying looking for places on Google. For example, recently I have been Accepting myself more and more. So basically I have given up on what I consider mainstream parties – places where people go to hump each other. I raelized that I do not fit in that kind of place. So nowadays i'm highly likely to search for parties with music that I consider good. In my case that is Indie Rock, Alternative, Chilltrap, Chillwave, 80's Music. I am likely to go to these places to see if there is anyone like me there.

But I also like to meditate, so I will probably join a meditation group and make friends there.

See, its all about knowing your path and following it.