Feeling upset, angry and depressed - girl I've met yesterday not interested in me

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GrayAndLonesome

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I'm feeling really down in the blues today, after having met up with a girl whom a lady paired me up with.

I thought the girl was nice, she was not too stellar looking, but decent for me.

We chatted about her family, my family, our hobbies, our occupation.

I bought her tea, and myself coffee. She then began to feel pain in her arms because of a Tdap vaccine she's received two days ago. So I let her go her way after our conversation died down.

I arrived home about 30 minutes after leaving the coffee shop.

BAM,...she sends me a text message. I thought it was a "nice to have met you" text message.

But nope. It started with a "Hey...." which I thought was rude, because she didn't even include my name, and started to ramble that I'm not a good fit for her. WTF?! We only met for 45 minutes, and she jumps to this kind of f--king conclusion that I'm not for her?

I don't know. I feel that God has let me down. I have been single for a long time, no dates during high school and didn't even budge to go to high school prom because girls rejected me because of my race/ethnicity. I had the same sh-t while in college.

I'm bitter with life because all of my former friends are all married and some of them have kids, or recently their wives gave birth to kids this year. Whereas I'm still working, started my 2nd career, training, and can't find one **** single girl who would want to set her life with me!
 
First of all, I am really sorry that you are having problems finding someone to go out with. Being on your own can be so lonely, especially when your friends are all paired off. I'm still looking for someone as well and am finding it difficult to find anyone, so I can relate to how you are feeling.
About the girl you met, although 45 minutes is a very short time, at the same time sometimes it is long enough to not feel any sort of connection and to know inside that a relationship is not possible. It is not a reflection on you in any way, it only means that this particular girl felt things wouldn't work out and decided to take it no further.
You wrote that she wasn't too stellar looking but decent for you. This comes across as you wanting to settle rather than thinking she was great. Maybe she picked up on this?
 
Maybe you need to be less worried about finding a woman who wants to spend her life with you and look for casual interactions with them, i.e just enjoy their company while it's there and see where things go from there. I feel like you could be stressing and upsetting yourself more than you need to. If you can have casual fun with girls, you'll probably have more chance of finding a partner anyway.
 
I am sorry that you feel rejected due to your race/ethnicity. That's not easy to deal with. Speaking as a (straight-ish) girl, I feel that a lot of guys maybe don't want to feel strung along and "lied to," so if I don't feel an immediate connection I would definitely let the other guy know immediately rather than drag the relationship out through a series of boring dates. You could argue that more time is required to determine that, but some of us may also be looking for the exact right person and we just don't want to waste our time. In that sense you could say that you two are already incompatible in your philosophies, and rightly feel that you've dodged a bullet there in terms of not spending more time with someone you're incompatible with.

Keep at it. Just because you were rejected this time doesn't mean you always will be.
 
Well at least you didn't waste a bunch of time and money on her. And be glad you're not married. I say you're better off keeping your money for yourself rather than losing it in a divorce like so many.
 
I'm bitter with life because all of my former friends are all married and some of them have kids, or recently their wives gave birth to kids this year. Whereas I'm still working, started my 2nd career, training, and can't find one **** single girl who would want to set her life with me!
[/quote]

I am so sorry to hear that you have went through this. I feel the same way because most of my colleagues are married or in a relationship, It can be such a lonely feeling. It is also sad that some individuals cannot look beyond race/ethnicity.
 
I'm a woman and I'm in the same boat as you. I've been online dating and I think that even after 1 short date it is usually possible to tell if there is potential or not. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, it's just that there wasn't any particular chemistry with this girl. I know how hard this all is for you because I'm going through the same stressful process. If you feel the need to vent send me a private message.
 
I'm sorry it didn't work out. But it's good it was a quick finish. Better to have gotten rid of such a person than to have them in your life and bring you down.
 
I sounds like she could have been a bit more tactful in her message. Perhaps "it was nice to meet you, but I really don't feel a connection between us" would have been a better way to word it. I can understand you being upset when she says "I don't think you're right for me". Such a statement implies that she's making it all about her, and it can also come across as a personal affront to you, although perhaps she didn't mean it to be. Some people are just more blunt than others.

That being said, at least she was honest and upfront about what she felt, and you know where you stand. Many years ago, I was interested in a young lady I worked with, who definitely knew I had feelings for her. She would tell me she had no interest in a relationship, then two minutes later come to my office and proceed to flirt with me. She knew that she could manipulate my feelings for her own satisfaction, and I allowed her to do so because I had very low self-esteem and thought I couldn't do any better. You definitely don't ever want to be in that situation! Best to know up front that someone isn't interested so you can decisively move on with your life and find a lady who truly appreciates you. I would say you are lucky in this instance. Sure, this lady could have used a little more tact than "hey you", but look at it as her doing you a favor. I'd much rather get a "hey you" message than waste my valuable time with someone who isn't really interested.

Dating, like it or not, is a game. It can be fun to meet new and different people if you accept it as such and try not to take it too seriously. If you go through the process constantly looking for a life mate, you will experience a lot of disappointment along the way, but if you approach it as a way to get to know different women and really learn about them without any expectations, it can be quite a rewarding experience. Everyone's different, and you're gonna get the occasional "hey you". Accept it for what it is, and just tell yourself "okay....next".
 
To the OP: if she acts like that, with no apparent maturity, you dodged a bullet. That's enough reason to be happy about it. Better to wait for quality than to settle for the "one **** single girl".
 
TheDude76 said:
To the OP: if she acts like that, with no apparent maturity, you dodged a bullet. That's enough reason to be happy about it. Better to wait for quality than to settle for the "one **** single girl".

I would tend to agree. Hopefully the OP didn't respond to her message. I'd just let it drop and move on. Honesty is good, but politeness is just as valuable. Some people just have no filter and don't think about what they say or how they say it. In this case, the young lady was clearly thinking only of herself with little or no consideration for the OP. That isn't someone I'd wanna be around.

Speaking of the race/ethnicity thing, I once found myself fixed up on a date with a lady who couldn't go two minutes without uttering the n-word. Suffice to say it was our one and only date.
 
Tiina63 said:
First of all, I am really sorry that you are having problems finding someone to go out with. Being on your own can be so lonely, especially when your friends are all paired off. I'm still looking for someone as well and am finding it difficult to find anyone, so I can relate to how you are feeling.
About the girl you met, although 45 minutes is a very short time, at the same time sometimes it is long enough to not feel any sort of connection and to know inside that a relationship is not possible. It is not a reflection on you in any way, it only means that this particular girl felt things wouldn't work out and decided to take it no further.
You wrote that she wasn't too stellar looking but decent for you. This comes across as you wanting to settle rather than thinking she was great. Maybe she picked up on this?

hey there Tina. Been a while since I've last posted here at ALL.

Yes, two friend of mine are already married. one of them is a successful anesthesiologist who's wife gave birth two months ago. Seems like he was bragging about his baby daughter when he sent out pictures of her. I think he's pissed off at me because I didn't sent a baby card with money. This is the same friend who made me sit elsewhere at his wedding dinner at a hotel, whereas his surgeon friends sat with him and gave announcements at his wedding dinner.

But getting back to the rejection, I'm still pissed off that I cannot find a decent date.

I also get rejected because of my race. If I was a white male, or black/afr-american male, I would not have a lot of problems with dating and I'd probably already be married by now.
 
Mick Travis said:
That is a very touchy subject.

It really is, and what makes my blood boil with rage!

I go to church to find a girlfriend. Only to find out that a lot of them already have boyfriends.

I'm thinking of quitting going to church. I feel that God has abandoned me when it comes to romantic relationships.
 
TheDude76 said:
To the OP: if she acts like that, with no apparent maturity, you dodged a bullet. That's enough reason to be happy about it. Better to wait for quality than to settle for the "one **** single girl".

Yeah, you're right. Better to know the truth up front if she didn't like me.

I don't like to be lead astray, and waste my time and money on a girl/woman who is not interested in me.
 
[/quote]

It really is, and what makes my blood boil with rage!

I go to church to find a girlfriend. Only to find out that a lot of them already have boyfriends.

I'm thinking of quitting going to church. I feel that God has abandoned me when it comes to romantic relationships.
[/quote]


Hate to say it but if you only go to church to find a girl then you shouldn't be going in the first place. Not that meeting someone with same faith and beliefs can't be found at church but it's definitely not the place to look. I know every faith/religion has their own date sites. Not sure how religious you are but if that's your priority then you have better chances there then in the church.
 
Sorry if it's a touchy subject but what is your race? Don't answer if you don't want to but I'm honestly pretty sure I've seen men of every race do well with women. I can't help but wonder if your problem is something different and you just don't realize it.
 
GrayAndLonesome said:
I also get rejected because of my race. If I was a white male, or black/afr-american male, I would not have a lot of problems with dating and I'd probably already be married by now.

Hmmm. I must really be doing something terribly wrong because I am a white male and I am not married.

Rejection is something I am very familiar with. I really do not think that because of what your race is -whatever it may be- has anything to do with it.
 
Mick Travis said:
BeyondShy said:
I really do not think that because of what your race is -whatever it may be- has anything to do with it.

I've seen evidence to the contrary.

I think race distribution in the environment has a significant influence. But that doesn't mean people are more likely to be attracted to people of the same race by default. There are some studies on dating sites out there that show certain preferences between the races, also linked to gender. Counter-argument is that dating sites are full of shallow people and that these findings cannot be attributed to general population. Make of it what you will.
 

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