Does someone here suffer from AvPD?

I haven't been diagnosed with it, but knowing myself, I know I suffer from it and I was just wondering if some here also have this disorder. How does it make you feel? Is it a struggle to just live?

During a psychological evaluation many years ago where it was to be determined whether I was fit for military service or not, I had to fill out some forms regarding social phobia and avoidant personality disorder. I scored pretty high on the latter, but was not officially diagnosed with anything. When I reread the symptoms these days, I still recognize myself in some of them - and not at all in others. Since I'm not a fan of self-diagnosis, I refrain from going down this alley.

Phew, but would it even make a difference for me to officially carry that label at this point? I don't think so...I have just adapted or actually overcame some of my handicaps.

Assuming that you suffer from many of its symptoms, even while not being officially diagnosed, what aspects of it are causing you the worst troubles?

Rodent said:

Assuming that you suffer from many of its symptoms, even while not being officially diagnosed, what aspects of it are causing you the worst troubles?

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Well… I’m going to quote directly from Wiki here some of its symptoms that I think I have.

1. Lonely and/or unwanted self-perception. Avoidance of social interaction, because of feelings of inadequacy and/or feeling inferior, unworthy to others, despite having a strong desire for close relationships.
2. Hypersensitivity to criticism.
3. Self-imposed social isolation.
4. Use fantasy as a form of escapism, imagining things like being part of an affectionate relationship or simply anything else just to interrupt painful thoughts.
5. High self-consciousness and mistrust on others, they can still form relationships with others, but only if they believe they will not be rejected.
6. Low self-esteem and/or self-loathing, unable to identify traits within themselves that are considered positive within society.
7. Problems with occupational functioning
8. Self-critical about their problems relating to others.
9. Emotional distancing related to intimacy. Avoids physical contact because it has been associated with an unpleasant or painful stimulus.

1. I mainly act cold towards others, because I don’t want anyone to know how little’s going on in my life and my limited amount of interests. That makes me a naturally boring person and I'm sure nobody wants to be around individuals like me. I can't help but wish I could be in someone else's shoes though, it's not fun to see people having a good time.
2. I suck at defending myself, so even the smallest of criticisms make me cry like a baby inside and shuts me off for the rest of the day, with me imagining my troublesome future.
3. I really don’t like to go outside that much, because I always see lovebirds everywhere. My room’s been my whole world for about 4 years now; I’ve come in terms with its advantages and disadvantages of being inside almost all the time. So, despite complaining about why I don't have things that others have, I'm aware that I'm not in a position to do so.
4. My mind is often elsewhere to get me distracted from things I don’t like to see. Ironically, I sometimes imagine having affectionate girlfriends.
5. Growing up, my dad always said to me to find “good friends,” which to him were others that didn’t do illegal activities and that liked school. That’s obviously changed now that I’m an adult, so now, “good friends” to me are people that don’t mind my flaws that outweigh my strengths and that are open-minded too.
6. I’m chubby, like the internet, anime and video games. Enough said.
7. I'm an administrator in my dad's job (He handles a wood factory), I can handle the easy things, but can’t do the activities he does on a daily basis. If I can’t manage doing something that requires being inside the conformity of my house, then how will I elsewhere? College taught me that early when I dropped out.
8. I always get afraid when others ask me for help. I’m not very smart and I am physically weak, so whatever they ask for, there’s some guarantee of me being useless, except if it’s something small, like opening a jar or something.
9. I’ve never been involved in any physical intimacy, so I’m not sure if this applies to me, but growing up, I always had renal-insufficiency and there were sometimes when doctors had to insert a catheter through my penis. My sex organs have only been touched with medical intentions, it makes me very uncomfortable when anyone does it now, those “anyones” are still doctors, so who knows how I’ll react with a girl who’s into me, if that ever happens, of course.

I'm not a therapist, but I'll just go through this step-by-step giving my input. If you lack the finances or the will to actually go for therapy to confirm your self-diagnosis, that's all I can do from here.

AnonymousMe said:

1. I mainly act cold towards others, because I don’t want anyone to know how little’s going on in my life and my limited amount of interests. That makes me a naturally boring person and I'm sure nobody wants to be around individuals like me. I can't help but wish I could be in someone else's shoes though, it's not fun to see people having a good time.

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Most people have a very limited amount of interests, but what I think makes the difference is how passionate or zealous they pursue them. I know what it's like to deviate from the norm and another problem in that regard is even conveying that you are interested in a particular thing for others to notice. Which is why I also have a rather unexcited public image. Though you might want to be careful when this encompasses a vastly different socio-political stance. You can always pick up new interests that you can still pursue in the confines of your room. The quantity is not the important factor here. Quality and accessability are though.

AnonymousMe said:

2. I suck at defending myself, so even the smallest of criticisms make me cry like a baby inside and shuts me off for the rest of the day, with me imagining my troublesome future.

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There's not much to be done about it besides learning to deal with (constructive) criticism and channel it into something productive like self-improvement, consequently gaining confidence. I assume there aren't many people that actually compliment you on your abilities or your knowledge which would give you a regular boost via validation. There's no guarantee for this anyway and the smart thing to do is validate yourself. Challenge yourself physically or intellectually and try to gain some self-respect that way.

AnonymousMe said:

3. I really don’t like to go outside that much, because I always see lovebirds everywhere. My room’s been my whole world for about 4 years now; I’ve come in terms with its advantages and disadvantages of being inside almost all the time. So, despite complaining about why I don't have things that others have, I'm aware that I'm not in a position to do so.

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See #1. Look into new interests you can pursue alone while you are still uncomfortable to go outside, you don't have to push that yet. Turn yourself into a person you would personally respect. But re-adjust your vision either way, there's a lot more than just lovebirds out there and this yearning (possibly envious) view of the world will not do you any good.

AnonymousMe said:

4. My mind is often elsewhere to get me distracted from things I don’t like to see. Ironically, I sometimes imagine having affectionate girlfriends.

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In theory, you have to make reality less painful in order to cease these escapist thoughts. But this can only happen if you attempt to bridge the gap between your status quo and your aspirations...so you have to do something, possibly the things I outlined in the previous paragraphs.

AnonymousMe said:

5. Growing up, my dad always said to me to find “good friends,” which to him were others that didn’t do illegal activities and that liked school. That’s obviously changed now that I’m an adult, so now, “good friends” to me are people that don’t mind my flaws that outweigh my strengths and that are open-minded too.

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Yeah, from a parental point of view "good friends" just end up being people in your environment that happen to be unproblematic. You already have a better idea of it now. No matter if it's about friendships or relationships though, rejection is inevitable. You can try to dampen the blowback by just putting yourself out there without any expectations whatsoever, seeing how strangers and acquaintances react to you. But this might be easier on the internet where you can actively promote your intellect and personality before your physical appearance.

AnonymousMe said:

6. I’m chubby, like the internet, anime and video games. Enough said.

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About the chubbiness...change it then. Seriously, just start doing some exercises. Your physical shape is something that's changed much easier than your yearlong ingrained self-doubts. I like the internet and video games as well and you don't have to discard them to become more accepted. What you can do is change how you prioritize them though. The internet is for more than just cat videos, as I always say. You can still use it to educate yourself...or maybe you will develop an interest that's worth sharing with the world.

AnonymousMe said:

7. I'm an administrator in my dad's job (He handles a wood factory), I can handle the easy things, but can’t do the activities he does on a daily basis. If I can’t manage doing something that requires being inside the conformity of my house, then how will I elsewhere? College taught me that early when I dropped out.

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How exactly do you fail at the activites he does on a daily basis? Are these tasks too complex or do you lack certain background knowledge to perform them effectively? There's not much I can say here, your dad would be the person to teach you these things...as long as he is not frustrated with you, I presume. I know there can be a lot of anxiety when acting in a professional environment, but knowing what you're doing and doing it successfully would be the first step to function more effectively.

AnonymousMe said:

8. I always get afraid when others ask me for help. I’m not very smart and I am physically weak, so whatever they ask for, there’s some guarantee of me being useless, except if it’s something small, like opening a jar or something.

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See #7. You don't seem like a dumb person, judging by the way you write about yourself and how you describe your problems. Communicating live and face-to-face is a different thing, but it's not too big of a leap from expressing yourself within your own head and in written words to verbalizing your thoughts. That's a matter of practice though, I've always been a fairly good writer but it took me years of unpleasant and anxious experiences in front of classmates and colleagues to develop my rhetoric.

AnonymousMe said:

9. I’ve never been involved in any physical intimacy, so I’m not sure if this applies to me, but growing up, I always had renal-insufficiency and there were sometimes when doctors had to insert a catheter through my penis. My sex organs have only been touched with medical intentions, it makes me very uncomfortable when anyone does it now, those “anyones” are still doctors, so who knows how I’ll react with a girl who’s into me, if that ever happens, of course.

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This is relatable to a certain degree. I can only advise you to not conjecture that these medical experiences will impact how you react to romantic physical intimacy. Since intimacy does develop over time and goes through different stages before you end up on an actual sexual level, meaning that you can adjust to each level and proceed at a pace that's comfortable for both you and your partner.

That's all for now, I hope some of it helps. If you have further questions, feel free to PM me.

Before I get into my reply, I just wanna say that in #2, I originally was going to use “scolding,” instead of criticism. As someone who speaks Spanish, scolding didn’t sound right to me, because it sounds like a word that can only be applied when our parents, well, scold us. It just sounds strange to apply it with friendships or other relationships. By the way, yes, you’re correct, nobody in the real world compliments me nowadays, it not surprising though, I’m the least matured one in the family and don’t have much knowledge about the simple things in life, hell, my dad sometimes thinks that I’m outright stupid. For a time, he used to scold me for not knowing how to send messages through a cell phone or how to make a call from the U.S. to Mexico and whenever I’m asked to do something he thinks I would normally struggle in, like using ATM machines; remembering the details of his Subway order; not knowing street and freeway names, etc., I’m always guaranteed to get a small scolding. Just today actually, he invited me to play racquetball with him and my brother; he then immediately asked me if I didn’t know what that sport was. He was incorrect of course, but his low faith on me is bothersome sometimes and yes, I did go with them, involuntarily.

Just so you know, I’m in a weird situation where I wish I could improve myself, but I’m not in a position to do so. You see, I had to drop out of College, because things were getting very expensive and because I had failed pre-algebra bout 3 to 4 times straight. You think I could just settle for a job, but that’s not possible either, because there’s nothing worth looking for here in Mexico due to how poor the pay is and I can’t work in the U.S. because my medical services are in another county than in the one I am AND they cannot be moved to where I am, because my family doesn’t own any property in it! The last option I have would be to attend to a University here in Mexico, the requirements are very simple, but I can’t go because my dad wants me to help him in his job, which requires physical and mental work He’s pushing 60 and by this point, he pretty much wants me and my brother to replace him.

I’ve self-analyzed myself many times, I know what my problems are and I know the solutions too, I wanted to be in a place where I could socialize, where I could start fresh, meet new faces, leave better first impressions, be open to suggestions and try new things, this would’ve been possible in small-time jobs or going to an University, but my dad keeps reminding me that I’m not a normal person, that I don’t know some of the basics of life (this indicates that I could get easily fired at any job), that I don’t know about the things that are popular (this hints that people would find me boring), that I’m not ready to face the world yet and at the overall situation I’m in, there’s nothing I can do, especially when I have no one to help me. It’s not easy to accept the fact that I’m going to keep returning to his job, the place where I socialize the least, the place where there are no solutions to my social problems, so I just stay quiet and do whatever he asks me to do and keep my hopes for a better future.

And don’t even ask about my mom, she always agrees with my dad.

You asked how exactly I fail at the activities he does. There are simple things that I can handle, like organizing papers or computer documents, check e-mails, write down new projects, etc. Then there’s the advanced stuff that I know I’ll never learn, which are the things my dad does on a daily basis, such as knowing the specific details furniture and projects, anything involving mathematics and measurements, etc. So, I lack the certain background knowledge to perform them effectively. My dad says that a pretend being a fool, you say that I’m not dumb, judging by the way I write (you’re like the third or fourth person from this site that tells me that), but I AM sure that I’m a real fool.

One more thing. Losing weight it’s easier said than done and I don’t see the point of, currently, doing it actually. My dad’s job requires us to be attentive almost all day and when I return home, all I want to do is rest; it doesn’t give me time to do exercise or to go someplace where I could socialize. Sundays is somewhat of a free day, but I have a tendency of prioritizing my hobbies first. I don’t have friends either, so yeah, there’s no point in losing weight.

Hey Rodent, I appreciate the advice, I really do, but I wasn’t looking for that, I just wanted to know if some people in here also had AvPD and apparently, there aren’t many, which is very surprising, I thought I was going to see at least two or maybe nobody bothered to answer because the one who asked the question was me, AnonymousMe. Seriously everyone, have I gotten a bit of a bad reputation in here? Every time I put a reply on a thread, that thread suddenly stops, nobody bothers in answering afterwards.

I have a very practical mind which is why I easily jump into "troubleshooting/advice mode" when people state a problem they're having. I didn't even want to go there at first, thought I'd ask you to elaborate at least to get a better grasp on your situation. Which you did, even if you didn't request advice on top it. So maybe I should just leave at that and not go into autopilot again. But other people who read the thread can get a better perspective on the matter and how it impacts your daily life.

For the record, the only other person I remember who hinted at having AvPD or recognizing herself in the symptoms of the disorder was LonelySutton. Haven't seen her around in a while though.

Hey Rodent, i have the same mind set as you, but i guess its becouse we dont like overthink things but rather to find a solution to an issue.

As for Anonynousme, i dont think that when a thread stops has anything to do with you dude.
First time i encountered the term AvPD really, so i learned alot from here

I had only heard of this disorder recently, but it fits me almost perfectly. There are plenty that I (and psychologists/therapists) have dabbled in and considered, but it's never been a "definite" thing. But this... so many of the symptoms describe me perfectly.

1. Lonely and/or unwanted self-perception. Avoidance of social interaction, because of feelings of inadequacy and/or feeling inferior, unworthy to others, despite having a strong desire for close relationships.
2. Hypersensitivity to criticism.
3. Self-imposed social isolation.
4. Use fantasy as a form of escapism, imagining things like being part of an affectionate relationship or simply anything else just to interrupt painful thoughts.
5. High self-consciousness and mistrust on others, they can still form relationships with others, but only if they believe they will not be rejected.
6. Low self-esteem and/or self-loathing, unable to identify traits within themselves that are considered positive within society.
7. Problems with occupational functioning
8. Self-critical about their problems relating to others.
9. Emotional distancing related to intimacy. Avoids physical contact because it has been associated with an unpleasant or painful stimulus.

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Of those, #1, 2, 3, 5, and 8 are pretty much 100% me, exactly as written.

#4... I do dabble in it sometimes (maybe more than dabble) to try and feel good, or at least better. Not so much specifically to "interrupt painful thoughts," but to just feel better for a brief moment. Unless you'd consider my usual thoughts as "painful," which I guess in a way could be.

#6, I can identify traits in myself that are positive in society. The problem is that due to the other issues, I feel like I can never actually use them to benefit people, or that anyone will be accepting of me if I tried. And the social isolation and fear of criticism and low self-esteem makes me hesitant to ever try.

#7... not sure exactly what it it means, but I can usually handle jobs well enough, when I have one. Getting them is difficult.

#9 is the only one that's completely untrue for me. I crave intimacy and physical contact, but almost never get them as a result of the other problems.



But I have no idea how I'd go about getting an official diagnosis, or how I would even approach the issue out of fear the doctor would think I was "fishing" for a specific diagnosis (which I guess this sort of is, but I'm more worried they'd discard the idea JUST because I feel I might, rather than because they analyzed me and genuinely conclude I don't).

And even if I got an official diagnosis, what would it even mean? What would it matter? What would change? I already take antidepressants, and I don't know of any anxiety medication that I would actually want to take regularly that could help. Just feels like it'd be a useless gesture at this point. My life already feels too far gone for me to ever actually find a reasonable degree of happiness, much less that I could actually hold onto that happiness for more than a fleeting moment.